100 Stories
by NotSweetSkills0112943
Summary: Dick Grayson is bored. In order to alleviate his boredom, he starts retelling classic stories in parodic manner. What will he change next?
1. The Cheeky Pot

Hai guys!

So, this is my first Batfamily fanfic, please don't judge!

Also, I'm getting the stories from this book I have called "100 Classic Stories." Thats it.

There no author or anything.

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

**I b linebreak**

When the Batfamily (sans Alfred and Bruce, who were either in England or at work) heard the oldest say he was bored, they went into bat-mode. A bored Dick Grayson was worse than a normal Dick Grayson, and he was enough to handle when he wakes up in the morning, deprived of his coffee with 5 tablespoons of sugar inside instead of any milk or creamer.*

"Why are you bored?" Barbara asked. Start with the safe questions, she thought to herself.

"Dunno," Dick said with a shrug. "You guys wanna hear a story?"

This took them all by surprise, and once again, they were in bat-mode.

"What kind of story?" Stephanie asked, willing to hear one. Anything other than a prank was fine by her.

"How about the classic ones?" he asked with a smile. "Excpe they'll have my own little twist."

"Classic ones?" Damian repeated, honestly confused.

"Yeah, you know, like, Tortiose and the Hare, Frog Prince, The Little Mermaid-"

"Grayson, if I wanted to know those stories, I could just watch Disney movies," Damian said. Dick's smile grew wider.

"Maybe, but I'm talking the original stories. Example, in the original version of Red Riding Hood, the wolf actually ATE the girl!" *

Damian looked skeptical, so Dick sighed and started telling a story.

"Alright, how about this: I retell 3 different stories, just to help me with my boredom," he proposed.

"Tell 100," Tim dared. Dick's smile grew even wider (impossible for the average human.)

"Deal. You sit here and listen to me retell 100 different classic stories, or I get even more bored and start pranking you."

Everyone shook his hand, insinuating a deal.

"Alright, this first one is called the 'Magic Oatmeal Pot'."

_It was a day before Christmas, and a poor old couple had absolutely no money. They decided to sell their last cow. So, the man, Bruce-_

"But father is rich," Damian pointed out. Dick smirked at him.

"Yeah, but I've always thought it would be ironic if he was the poor old farmer in this story," he said.

_Bruce went down to the market with their cow, looking for someone to sell it to. He ran into a crazy old man with an amazing white beard that went all the way down to his feet. He was carrying an oatmeal pot._

_"That sure is a nice cow," said the old man. Bruce just shrugged._

_"Yeah, I guess so," he agreed. The old man kept eyeing the cow, and Bruce may or may not have felt tempted to leave._

_"Are you selling?"_

_"What?"_

_"Are you selling? The cow?" the old man asked. Bruce stepped back a little but nodded._

_"I'll make you a deal. I'll trade you the pot for the cow," the old man said, shaking his pot around so Bruce knew what he was talking about. Bruce started walking away, thinking how many other people would buy his cow and give him actual money, but the old man stopped him again._

_"Take me, take me!" the old man said._

"I thought he was giving the pot, not himself?" Tim asked.

"Wait a little longer, then you'll see Bruce's inarguable, logically logistic logic," Dick said. The others were starting to wonder how much coffee he had consumed today but continued listening.

_Bruce turned around to tell the man that he was psycho, but the pleading wasn't coming from the man. It was coming from the pot!_

_So, Bruce decided it was a magic pot, and traded it for his cow._

Dick looked at everyone's faces, looking for a reaction.

"Well... here's to inarguable logic," Jay said, miming drinking some wine. They laughed and Dick continued the story, sensing everyone's eagerness.

_The old man set the pot on the ground, and Bruce handed him the cow, bending to pick up the pot. When he got up again, the old man was gone. _

_When he got home, he stopped just outside of his house. Bruce facepalmed, wondering what he would tell his wife._

"Oh, yeah... I forgot about her," Cassandra (Cass) said.

"She's not going to be happy," Damian said. Stephanie nodded in agreement.

"Oh, she wasn't," Dick said.

_In fact, she was so angry, she went to throw the pot away!_

"Is this story sounding a little like Jack and the Beanstalk to anyone else?" Tim asked. No one answered, so he took their silence as a yes.

_But, much like Bruce, she heard the pot talk._

_"Take me inside and clean me up! The you'll see what you see," the pot said. She was dumbstruck, but she did as the pot demanded._

"Taking advice from a talking pot... sure, why not?" Barbara muttered. Dick laughed.

"So, who's the wife?" Steph asked. Dick scrunched his eyes shut for a moment, thinking. Finally, he said "Silena."

"So, Batman is married to Catwoman?" Tim asked incredulously. Dick shrugged.

"As long as it isn't mother, I'm fine," said Damian. Dick winked at him.

"Oh, just you wait, little bird. Talia will appear in the future!" he said.

_So, Silena cleaned the pot, but as soon as it was clean, it jumped out of her arms and ran outside._

There were a couple of sympathetic faces for the poor farmers, but Dick laughed at them inwardly. Things were about to get good.

_There was a rich man who lived down the street named..._

Dick paused here for a moment, thinking of who to throw in here.

_Ozzie, who spent all day counting his money, and all night eating food. (Ozzie is the Penguin, btw.)_

_Well, tonight, the pot snuck into the kitchen, where a cook was busy making Christmas pudding for Ozzie. She realized at the last minute that she didn't have a pot to cook it in, so she found the magic pot and dropped it in. As soon as the pudding was secure, the pot took off again, running back to Bruce and Silena's little house._

_All Ozzie's dogs, and all Ozzie's butlers, couldn't figure out what the heck had just happened!_

"Is that a Humpty Dumpty reference?" Tim asked, laughing about the fact that a magic pot had just stolen food from the Penguin.

"No idea what you're talking about," Dick said.

_The pudding lasted the couple for three whole days! How that happened, I have no idea, but when Spring came, the pot told Silena to clean it again, and she did, and it ran off._

_Well, it ran back to Ozzie's place just as he was counting his money. The pot ran up to him, nudging him in the leg._

_"Ooh! Now I have somewhere to hide all my money!" he said, throwing large bags of it in the pot._

_As you can guess, the pot hightailed it back to Bruce and Silena. They were ecstatic to see the money and they spent it in small amounts so no one would question where it had come from. The pot sat still by the fireplace for years after that, then one day, it jumped through the window, skipping down the road. They never saw the pot again._

"The End. Of the first story," said Dick.

"So... no one ever questioned the pudding?" Cass asked skeptically.

"Nope," Dick said, popping the "P."

"Or the money?" asked Damian.

"Apparently not," Dick said. Stephanie whistled appreciatively.

"Wow... cheeky pot," she said. Everyone laughed at this.

"What's next?" Jay asked Dick. He smiled.

"The Twelve Dancing Princesses," he said.

**The linebreak Rises**

So, that was the first story.

Ok, so that's actually how I drink coffee. When I first tried it, we didn't have any milk or creamer, so I went with 5 spoons of sugar, and now that's how I drink my coffee.

This is actually true. I think. Maybe I should double check, but I'm pretty sure that in the original version of Red Riding Hood, there was no woodsman who saved her.


	2. The Five Fighting Initiates

"The Twelve Dancing Princesses."

He received a lot of groans to this, but he held up a hand for silence, and to his surprise, he got it.

"Remember, these stories have my little twists," he said.

_Now, you may be wondering how I'm going to change this one, but trust me, I will._

_Once upon a time, there was a Justice League, and they were training some new recruits. 12, to be exact._

_There was a slight problem-none of them could do any training. They were all dead tired and asleep where they stood. Every night, the League would make sure they were all in their bedrooms and sleeping soundly. So why the heck were they all tired?_

_Well, the stubborn initiates were not going to talk. Partly because they were all practically asleep and couldn't think straight._

"Wait, who's playing the princesses?" Tim asked.

"How about... Kory, she's an actual princess... and then we can have Miss Martian, or Megan, then Wonder Woman/Diana, who's also a princess... the girls, maybe Raven, Terra..."

"Why not just have three princesses, and Batman is the king?" Jay asked, gesturing to the girls (who he obviously wanted to be the princesses.) Dick scoffed and crossed his arms.

"Fine, how about this... Kory, Megan, Raven, Terra, and Steph are the princesses," he said. Jason seemed fine with this.

"And the king?" Tim pushed.

"Superman," Dick said, naming the first person who came to mind. Everyone nodded in satisfaction.

"Ok, let's see... blah blah blah, Superman training people, slight problem... blah blah dead tired, blah no talking, couldn't think straight... alright, you guys ready?" Dick asked.

_Well, they kept losing their pillows every night, and every morning, Superman bought the girls new pillows. One day, Superman got tired of constantly having to buy five girls new pillows, so he sent a message through the Justice League: whoever could find out why the pillows kept disappearing, and where the trainees went every night to get so tired._

_The leaguers tried to find out, but none of them could do it, because they weren't the best detectives. Sure, they were ok, but the trainees were too smart for them. They would hide false evidence and turn the league around in circles._

"Alright guys, your turn. Who do you want to be the soldier who figures everything out?" Dick asked them.

"Depends... we also get to choose who the youngest princess is, right?" Jay asked, a smirk on his face.

"Uh... sure?" Dick said, feeling his stomach knot up.

"Alright then... I nominate Dick as the soldier!" Jay shouted, one arm in the air as if he was a kindergartener who knew the answer.

He gathered everyone (sans Dick) into a huddle, whispering about whatever plan he had cooked up. When they pulled away, everyone was voting Dick to be the soldier.

"Who's the princess?" he asked in a small voice.

"Kory," they all said at once. Dick sighed.

"Fine."

_One day, Nightwing just happened to be in the Watchtower doing who-knew-what, when he was approached by Wonder Woman._

_"The new recruits keep disappearing," she complained. Nightwing sighed._

"In all honesty, guys, it's really weird to be telling a story and referring to yourself in the third person," Dick said.

"Stop complaining," Tim said, but there was no animosity in the statement.

_"What do you mean?" Nightwing asked._

_"I mean, they disappear every night, lose their pillows, and show up to training dead tired!" Wonder Woman exclaimed, clearly exhausted of the work._

_"Let me guess..." Nightwing started._

_"Could you find out where they're going? I would ask Batman, but..."_

_"Fine, I'll do it," Nightwing sighed. That night, he used his training with Batman to spy on the girls. As he was waiting, he noticed a figure moving in the shadows._

_It was Steph, using her training with Batman to turn off security and leave their nightly dose of false evidence. Nightwing pressed a button on his utility belt that would record everything._

"Do you actually have a button like that on your belt?" Tim asked, unbelieving. He was met with silence.

"Dick..." Jay said in a dangerous voice.

"Moving along," Dick said.

_Once Steph was finished with that, she beckoned the others to follow her, and they activated a zeta beam. As soon as the final girl went through, Nightwing jumped down and memorized the coordinates they had input._

_He followed them down into Terra's bedroom._

_The girls were all carrying their pillows. They had one each._

_They bowed to each other and proceeded to get into the most intense pillow fight Nightwing had ever seen!_

_He hid in his place by the shadows, not worried about any of the girls seeing him except Steph. After about 4 hours, the girls all snuck back onto the watchtower, leaving their pillows in Terra's house. Nightwing followed them back up when he was sure they were back in their beds._

_The next day, Superman and Wonder Woman asked if he had any luck, and Nigthwing showed them his evidence. The girls all smiled sheepishly at each other before bursting into laughter._

_"My only question is how you found out?" Superman asked._

_"You really want to know? Here's some advice... Don't wait for morning to come, genius. If you know they're disappearing at night, catch them at night WHEN IT IS HAPPENING."_

"The End," Dick said. Jason tutted him.

"You're forgetting the last part of the story," he said.

"Yep... come on, you know, when the soldier and the princess get married?" Tim said. Dick sighed.

"Of all the things for you two to agree on..." he grumbled. "Remember, these are my own versions of the stories, so I don't have to do that!"

"Yes, you do!" said Jay.

"No, I don't!" Dick argued back.

"If you don't, you'll be missing a key part of the story!" said Tim.

"Joke's on you!" said Dick. "We only have 5 princesses, not 12, remember?"

Tim crossed his arms, but Jay was not going to relent.

"Just say 'Nightwing and Starfire got married a couple years later because the girls let him join their pillow fights' and you'll be done!" he said. Dick huffed and said fine, if only to move on to the next story.

"Satisfied?" he grumbled over Tim and Jason's snickers. "Because the next story is the Frog Prince."

* * *

Well, this chapter (I personally don't think) wasn't as good as the last one... but I hope you enjoyed anyway!


	3. The Frog Princes

Hey there!

Jen-M, it was a great suggestion, and it really did help me come up with this chapter. Let's see if you can spot your idea popping up.

Now, without further ado, onto the chapter!

**_Hai there_**

"Next is the Frog Prince."

"We could just watch the Disney movie..." Damian mumbled, but Steph heard it.

"What is it with you and Disney movies? You don't wanna watch any, do you?"

"Of course, I don't," Damian snapped at her. "Such an idiotic and childish thing would be a waste of time."

"Of course, we are listening to Dick retell a bunch of stories," Tim pointed out. Damian glared at all of them.

"It's better than listening to Gordon and Grayson singing," he said. Everyone laughed, almost drowning out the indignant cries of "hey" from said people.

"Who's the princess this time?" Cass asked when everyone had calmed down.

"Remember, these are my versions of the stories," said Dick. "So, I'm going to make it three princes."

"Huh? But why?" asked Steph.

"We had 5 of the 12 princesses in the last story. We need to make up for that," Dick said. "So, our 3 princes are Jay, Tim, and Dami."

He ignored the three boy's protests and began the story.

_Once upon a time-_

"Why do you start the stories that way?" Damian interrupted.

"Because that's how the story starts," Dick said. Damian wanted to say something to this but decided not to.

_Once upon a time, there were three brothers who lived in a kingdom with their father and mother. Their father, Bruce-_

"So, wait… first, father is poor-"

"And then he's rich?" Tim finished, joining Damian in his quest to annoy Dick as much as possible. They silently fist bumped as Dick sighed.

"King Bruce is Farmer Bruce's great great grandson and inherited the money the oatmeal pot gave them. He also happens to have a wife who happens to have the same name. They all happen to have the same name!" Dick said, seemingly in one breath.

"Alright," said Damian with a nonchalant shrug. "Please, continue."

_Bruce was starting to stress out because his sons could never get along! And when they did get along, it was to annoy, irritate, prank, disturb him, and generally mess up his day!_

Dick sent a glance his brother's way. Each boy averted their eyes, feeling no guilt.

_One day, Bruce snapped. He said, in a calm voice, "Go play by the river!"_

_He also said, "And remember the list, or no dessert tonight."_

Cue the dramatic gasps from the batboys, who knew that Dick was going to make the castle cook Alfred. No dessert would be worse than being checked over by Dr. Leslie Thompkins after a particularly nasty patrol.

And now, cue the shivers.

_The list consisted of 5 very simple rules: no throwing food, no pretending your brother is invisible, no stabbing your brother, no pushing your brother in the river, and absolutely NO PRANKING EACH OTHER._

_Of course, they disregarded all of these rules, because where's the fun in not pushing your brother into the river?_

_So, of course, they all pushed each other into the river._

_Damian pushed Jay, who had pushed Tim, who, before being pushed, had managed to push Damian. _

"Why would they push each other into the river?" asked Cass.

"Yeah… seems kinda pointless," Steph pointed out. Dick shot a smug look towards Tim, Damian, and Jason.

"I dunno… any thoughts guys?" He asked them. Tim cleared his throat uncomfortably, now understanding why Dick chose to make this story the way he was.

"I refuse to answer that," Jay deadpanned. Tim and Damian agreed with him immediately.

_Because they were princes, and because they weren't used to doing anything without supervision, none of them knew how to swim. It didn't help that they were all yelling at each other._

_Mysteriously, they were shoved into dry land by a massive wave! When the three boys turned around to see what had happened, they saw a cherry red frog sitting there, arms crossed, with an intense glare._

"Ooh! Who's the frog?!" Jay demanded. "Do we get to choose again?"

"No," Dick said immediately. "I learned my lesson from the last time I let you guys choose."

"So who is it?" Tim asked.

"Barbara."

"WHAT!?!?! Grayson, I will murder you!" Barbara shouted, launching herself at Dick, only to be caught by Cass and Steph. The boys were all laughing, and the smaller girls were red from trying not to laugh.

"Calm down Babs!" Dick said through huge gulps of air. "You're one of the most important characters in the story!"

Barbara crossed her arms and sat down with a stern expression on her face, turning a glare on Dick.

Tim leaned in towards Jason and Damian and mumbled, in the quietist voice he could manage: "just like the story."

The boys stifled a new flow of laughter.

_"How did you guys end up in the river?" She asked the three princes._

_"He pushed me!" All three boys yelled, pointing at whoever had pushed him._

_"Why the heck would you do that?" She asked them, glaring harder._

_"Because… why not?" Tim said, shrugging his shoulders. Obviously, none of them could come up with a good excuse as to why they would do such a thing._

_The frog just glared at them a little longer. The boys were starting to get uncomfortable. Finally, she smiled, real big and innocent._

_"Ok, here's the deal. If you let me live with you three, I'll pay attention and make sure you guys are getting along."_

_"No way, that's a lose-lose deal!" Said Tim._

_"I could also make sure your father never finds out about the rule that you broke," said the frog._

_"Are you blackmailing us?" Asked Jay._

_"A better question is how you knew about those rules?" Damian asked. The frog just shrugged._

_"I have my ways."_

_The boys ran back to the castle, probably hoping that the frog was all a hallucination. _

_That night, as everyone was sitting silently at the table, there was a loud knock at the door. The three boys sunk in their chairs, while the King was just confused. _

_The boys groaned in embarrassment when the frog hopped in._

_"Wassup guys?" She asked. _

_"Um… who are you?" Bruce asked, because he didn't want to be rude. _

"Yeah guys, let's not be rude to the frog who literally just trespassed in our castle," Jay said sarcastically. Tim snickered beside him.

_"Oh, me? I'm just a frog!" Said the frog. "However, those three made a deal, and I fully intend to keep it."_

_At "those three" the boys had sunk so low in their chairs that they couldn't be seen over the table. _

_Without revealing the whole "shoved into the river" schist, the frog explained what she was talking about._

_"Well, you three had better keep up the deal," said Bruce. "Besides, maybe something good will come from this."_

_So that night, the frog forced the three brothers to sleep in the same room. She was sleeping on a shelf in the corner so that they were in her line of sight. Needless to say, none of them slept very good._

"Well, would ANYONE sleep good with a frog watching their every move?" Damian pointed out. Barbara glared at Dick again, still not over the fact that she was the frog in the story.

_The next day, the three princes saw the frog talking to the king and felt SERIOUSLY nervous, but they acted like they weren't bothered at all._

_When they were finally alone, meaning with no frog watching them, they managed to converse._

_"Ok, so, the frog decided to stay," Tim pointed out._

_"Really? How could you tell?!" Jason asked him, all sarcasm._

_"Focus. We need to get rid of that frog," said Damian._

_"Well, it's not like we can kill it… that would be pretty heartless," said Tim, shooting a pointed look at Jason._

_"So… we play the frog's game, pretend to get along, and it'll leave," said Jason, ignoring Tim._

_"Sounds good to me," Damian said, nudging Tim._

_"I'm in, as long as the frog leaves," he agreed._

_For the rest of that week, the three boys went out of their way to get along, even when the frog wasn't there, because you never know._

_By the end of the week, they hadn't pulled a single prank, yelled at each other, or broken one of Bruce's rules, which surprised everyone._

_"Well, it seems like my job is done," said the frog. She had been spying on them when they thought she couldn't see them and deduced her mission complete._

_But she wasn't finished. This sneaky little frog had one more trick up her sleeve. When the boys had all fallen asleep, she snuck out of the castle._

"What is she planning?" Steph asked, now totally invested in the story.

"You'll see," Dick said, waggling his fingers in her face and making her giggle.

_You could imagine how excited the boys were when they woke up and realized the frog wasn't there. They could finally relax and get back to hating each other._

_At breakfast, there was a knock at the door, and the boys got a little defensive. If that frog was back to keep blackmailing them, they were going to go insane!_

Snickers at this. Apparently, the real-life versions of these boys agreed with their fictional selves.

_When the doors opened, everyone was shocked to see a very pretty red-haired woman standing at the doorway. It was obvious from the clothes she wore that she didn't have very much money._

_"Excuse me," she said. Her voice was a little high-pitched, but not so much to hurt peoples ears. "But, I was wondering if I could stay here tonight."_

_The boys all shared a glance then looked at the king. He smiled kindly at the woman and invited her to join them at the table._

_Tim vaguely thought that there was something familiar about the girl but brushed it off. _

"Idiot," said Tim. Everyone just stared at him.

"What?"

"Nothing," said Cass. They looked back at Dick, waiting for him to continue.

_She told them her story, and they all felt more sympathy for her. Apparently, she was a poor girl who lived with her father. Her mother had died giving birth to her-_

Barbara got a steely and defensive look in her eye when Dick said this, so he moved on quickly.*

_So she had set out to find work so that she could get more money for her father. _

_Bruce decided he would help her out. If she could watch the boys when they went out to the river, which included making sure they didn't break his rules, he would pay her really good for her work._

_Well, they were all by the river practicing with their weapons, when Damian's sword was knocked out of his hand and landed in the river. A week ago, his brothers would have just left him to get it himself, but they found themselves helping him get it._

_The woman smiled and called them over._

_"Well, I'm glad to see that my stalking worked," she told them._

_"Stalking?" Jason asked, confused._

_"Yep. I knew that blackmailing you would work," she said with a wink. The boys' jaws all dropped open._

_"No way…"_

_"Are you…?"_

_She smiled at them and gave a dramatic bow._

_"Yep! I'm the little frog who made you look like fools," she said. _

_"So… you don't really need the money for your dad?" Tim asked, feeling bad for his father._

**"Kind of… I have an idiot brother that I live with, but he's on the other side of the kingdom, making sure people get along."**

Everyone laughed at Jay's impression of Dick. Even Dick himself!

"Know what? That's part of the story now," he said. Everyone was laughing so hard that they didn't see or hear Tim whisper to Jay: "the idiot brother is Dick, isn't it?"

They also didn't see the small nod from Jay.

"Alright, next-"

"You didn't say The End!" Exclaimed Steph. Dick sighed.

"The End. Now, the next story is Cinderella."

**_Meep_**

Hope ya'll enjoyed it. Oh, and also, kudos if you got the "schist" reference from Percy Jackson!

I also don't know what happened to Barbara's mom, or if she's still alive or something, so plz let me know.


	4. CinDickerellapt1

"Now, the next story is Cinderella."

**_Boop _**

Well, he had been about to tell them a story, but a call had popped up and the Batfamily was needed in Gotham.

They had gone, been awesome, but the boys all took hits from a blaster, and one thing led to another, and now all the boys were children.

Uh… I'll give you the details later.

Anyway, they were all sitting in the living room, debating what to do. Barbara was stressing about how to tell Bruce what had happened while Dick jumped around and did cartwheels around her. He even pulled off a flip, much to her annoyance.

Mainly because the boys were all 4 YEARS OLD.

Dick wouldn't stop moving around, which was annoying the other boys, but the other boys weren't complaining, since Dick was obviously also annoying HER.

"Dick, can you sit still for 5 seconds?" She asked him. He stopped in the middle of a handstand, granting her peace and quiet.

Suddenly, he shouted "5!" And continued his hyperactive ways. Barbara was about to tear her hair out when she remembered: he was supposed to be telling them 100 different stories.

"Hey, Dick, do you wanna tell us a story?" She asked him. He just stared at her. Then, with an evil grin on his face, said, "Îmi pare rău, nu înțeleg limba engleză!" (Sorry, I no speak English!)

She growled.

"Dangit, Dick, you know I don't know a lot of Romani," she said, but he just stuck his tongue out at her.

She thought for a moment, then sighed.

"How about I tell you a story?" She asked. He front-flipped and sat down in front of her, landing perfectly and crossing his legs, ready for her to start talking.

Barbara noticed that she had gained the other's attention, too, and sighed.

"Alright. This is… Cinderella," she said, remembering how that was going to be the next story that Dick told. She briefly wondered how her life had come to this, but shrugged the thought off. She wouldn't trade this life for any other.

"Alright, so…

**_Once upon a time, there was a little 9 year old boy named Dick._**

Dick rested his chin on the back of his hands, propping his elbows on his knees in interest.

_**He lived with three very horrible people named…**_

Wait, should she use these people? Barbara had no idea how the four year old Dick would react to the names… especially the last one. She steeled her nerves and decided to go for it.

**_They were named Joker, Slade, and Zucco._**

Dick sucked in a huge breath, but said nothing. Barbara remembered a long time ago when Wally came into the Batcave, freaking out about someone named Slade. He never gave any details. Dick had had to calm him down.

Cass and Steph gave him curious looks, and Barbara had to suppress a smile at the slightly protective looks on Jason, Tim, and Damian's faces.

She could save any teasing for later.

But for now, making it up to Dick was all that mattered.

_**Dick was a very sweet little boy, and he loved everyone. Except for those three. But no matter what, he could never bring himself to leave that house.**_

_**They would make him steal things from poor people and nearby shops, and of course, Dick didn't like it.**_

_**He had a friend. Once, when he was out stealing something from a nearby store, he ran into a dog. He fell in love with it, and snuck it in the basement. No one ever went down there, so he wasn't too worried about someone finding the dog.**_

"What was the dog's name?" Dick asked, in an adorable little voice. Barbara had forgotten how cute Dick could be.

"Um… Wally," she said, throwing out the first name that came to mind. Dick nodded in satisfaction.

"How did the dog get in?" Tim asked.

"Uh…"

"What if it barks?" Damian asked.

"Well…"

"And what if someone eventually goes into the basement?" Jason asked.

Were they aware that they were annoying her?

"Your face is turning red," Dick pointed out.

Yep. They knew it.

"Fine, how about this: there is a little hole in the door that Dick put an old blanket over, Wally was well-trained, and whenever someone needed to get something from the basement, Dick would run down and get it. Happy?"

"How is the dog well-trained?"

"Did it already have an owner?"

"What if the dog doesn't fit in the hole?"

"Where did he get the blanket?"

"What if they need to get something from the basement when Dick isn't there?"

Barbara rubbed her eyes and groaned. How did Dick still have his sanity if he lives with these three?!

She thought back to the old days when he used to cackle and shivered. Maybe he was never sane…

It would explain a lot.

"Do you want the story, or not?" She asked. When she was met with silence, she continued.

**_One day, Dick was sent to steal from an out-of-town traveler. Since Wally hadn't been out for a while, Dick decided to bring him. Besides, Dick was going to wait and follow the traveler so he could get as far from Joker, Slade, and Zucco as possible._**

Barbara thought for a moment. This didn't sound very much like Cinderella anymore…

Oh. How about the prince?

She thought for a moment longer, but, for lack of brain power (she had been putting up with a hyperactive 4 year old Dick Grayson… what do you expect?) she just decided to use the characters from the frog prince.

**_He followed the red-haired girl to a castle and waited outside. He saw the girl head in the direction of a river with three boys in front of her._**

"Huh? That sounds like Frog Prince," Steph pointed out. Barbara had come up with something that would suit the story for now.

"Yeah, but…" she pointed to her head, then pointed at the boys, and Steph seemed to get it.

"Oh, ok."

**_He stayed in his spot for a while longer, debating what to do, when someone behind him said, "Can I help you with something?"_**

"Busted," Jason coughed into his fist. This caused everyone to laugh, even Damian.

**_Dick was shocked and couldn't move. He turned around slowly._**

**_"Uh… actually, I was just…"_**

_"Spying on that one girl so I could steal from her"?"_ Dick said. This made everyone laugh again.

**_"I've heard stories around the kingdom of a child stealing things from people," said the king. Dick freaked out and told the king all about the three people he stayed with. Wally seemed to trust the king, but as soon as Dick said the three men's' names, the loyal dog growled._**

**_"Don't worry, I believe you," said the king._**

"With no evidence?" Cass asked. Tim nodded his head in agreement with her.

"The dog is the evidence," Barbara said. She looked at Dick, as did everyone else. He just shrugged.

"Makes sense to me," he said.

**_"You do?"_**

**_"Of course. Why don't you come inside, and we can work something out," said the king. Dick followed him inside the massive castle._**

**_When they entered the dining room, Dick's heart stopped. Sitting there, at the table with the three princes and the redhead, were Joker, Slade, and Zucco._**

There were dramatic gasps from all of the kids present. Barbara jumped when she heard a throat being cleared behind her.

They all turned to the sound of the voice and saw Bruce standing there. He wasn't a king, he wasn't a farmer, and he wasn't a breakdancing rap machine. It was just Bruce.

Oh, and Clark, too. Batman has brought Superman to the manor.

"Um…" said Bruce, in a graceful manner.

"Bruce! You're home…" Barbara said, very aware of the awkward staring between the boys and Bruce.

"Daddy!" Shouted Dick, bouncing happily into Bruce's arms. He looked at her like "explanation. Now."

"Gotham. Villain. Ray gun. House," Cass said. Bruce nodded.

"Everyone, in the Batcave, now. We have to fix this," Bruce said, picking Dick up and slinging him onto his shoulders, to which Dick released a high-pitched squeak of joy. Bruce gestured to the other boys to go with him, and soon, all the four-year-olds were perched on Bruce somewhere.

Clark just clears his throat and followed everyone downstairs.

"What about the story?" Dick asked, disappointed.

"Annoying cliffhanger," Barbara answered immediately. Dick stuck his tongue out at her.

She did the same.

"We'll continue it tomorrow," she promised them.

* * *

I believe I promised an explanation as to why they are children? Well, here you go:

* * *

"The next story is Cinderella," said Dick. Damian opened his mouth, probably about to complain that they could watch the movie, when their communicators went off.

"Penguin is on the attack," Dick read out.

"No sh-"

"Jason, you swear, I tell Alfred," Tim warned.

"Dip. No dip, Sherlock," Jason amended. Because, if you swear and Alfred is involved, that usually meant no cookies.

"Well, let's go," Dick sighed.

They all headed into the Batcave and changed into their suits. Once they had done that, they all headed out into Gotham searching for the Penguin.

Finally, they found him in an old warehouse ("What is it with villains and warehouses?" -Jason). The warehouse was filled to the brim with all sorts of dangerous toys, and the greedy old bird couldn't keep his fins off of it.

The bats dropped in, all stealth like, while Oracle watched their progress from a nearby building. The girls were waiting for them outside, ready to jump into action should something go wrong.

They nearly missed the first shot. Penguin had expected them, so he grabbed a random gun and shot it into the crates, getting a lucky hit on Red Robin. Nightwing jumped out at Penguin from behind, hoping for a surprise attack, but Red Hood did the exact same thing, the two boys colliding in midair and alerting Penguin to their presence. He turned around quickly, shooting them with his new blaster. Robin jumped in from the front and knocked the blaster out of the Penguin's hand. When it landed, it hit the FIRE! button, and it just so happened to be aimed at Robin.

The girls jumped down and took out the Penguin after that, tying him up and calling the commissioner. When Oracle hopped in the building, she had all the boys rounded up in front of her.

"Oh, crap..." she said. "How am I going to explain this to Bruce?"

* * *

So, yeah... that's how they were all turned into children.

I honestly couldn't think of anyone else being Cinderella because Dick just seemed so PERFECT. Also, I left it on a cliffhanger because I can.

Thanks for reading!


	5. CinDickerella pt 2

Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. I hope you enjoy! Also, the translation is at the end.

Also also, **sgtwist, **I didn't know I was spelling her name wrong. I've only ever seen it spelled Silena, so I'm sorry about that. Thank you pointing it out to me.

Onwards!!!

* * *

"So, when did you come in?"

Dick, Jason, and Tim were now back to their usual ages. Damian was getting the treatment now and would be back in a few minutes.

"Uh… when the king caught Dick spying," Clark said. Dick nodded.

"Good story, Babs. How does it end?" He asked her. She just stared at him.

"What? You didn't think that you could just shrug the story off on me when I got older again, did you?" He grinned lazily.

"Isn't that what you said?" She asked him. He blinked slowly at her.

"When did I say that?" He asked, then he seemed to get it. "Oh. In Romani. Ar trebui să înveți cu adevărat."

"Hey, I know some! Eu nu sunt atât de mare ca un tocilar ca tine," Barbara retaliated.

"Hei, liniștește-te, amândoi," said Bruce, walking in with a now 13-year-old Damian. The two glared at each other for a moment longer before Dick shrugged nonchalantly. They went back upstairs for dinner. Once that was finished, Dick hopped on the table and started humming "Eye of the Tiger."

"So, you going to finish the story now?" Tim asked Barbara. She looked between everyone who was staring at her, which was everyone.

"Well, Dick is the one who's supposed to be telling us the stories, remember?" she asked. Dick pouted, but a smile soon broke across his face.

"You were the one who started this story. How about you finish it, and I add one more to the end of my list?" he compromised. Barbara thought about it for a moment before shaking his hand.

"Deal."

"Awesome. Now, how about we catch Bruce and Clark up on what's going on, then we can get to the story?"

"Double deal."

While Dick caught Bruce and Clark up (Bruce was a little ruffled to find that they had all decided he was married to Selina) Barbara thought up the rest of her story. She had only been saying the first thing that came to mid, hoping that Dick would be able to finish this for her. Now she had to come up with an actual ending and tell it in front of freaking Batman and Superman.

Dick was dead after today.

Finally, she settled on something that she thought (see: hoped) she sounded good. Dick came over with Bruce and Clark. Everyone sat down and made themselves comfortable. When they finished that, Bruce gestured for Barbara to continue her story.

"Alright. So, we left off where the king and Dick walked into the throne room," she said. Cass shook her head.

"Nope. Dining."

"Fine. Dining room," Barbara said.

_**Dick started inwardly freaking out. The king knew about his little thievery trips, brings him inside to talk, and now...**_

_**He had to get out of there.**_

_**He tried turning around so he could leave silently, but the king was blocking his path. Wally (the dog) whimpered beside him and they walked up to the table.**_

_**The three men gave the two very studious looks. Obviously, they weren't happy about Dick being here.**_

_**They sat at the table in tense silence, eating their lunch.**_

It was tense outside of the story, too. Everyone wondered, with a childlike curiosity, what was about to happen.

_**Tim couldn't handle the pressure anymore, so he broke the silence.**_

_**"So... it seems like these guys know a kid who steals stuff..."**_

_**Dick stiffened and glanced at the three guys.**_

"How come you just refer to them as the 'three guys?'" Damian asked. Barbara gulped.

"Because..." she glanced uneasily at Dick, who shrugged.

"You can use their names," he told her. "It won't bother me."

_**"Yes, we do," said Slade. Dick's breath caught.**_

_**"Yes, however, I spoke to said child and he told a pretty interesting story," said the king.**_

"Question: why would you make ME the king?" Bruce asked. Dick cleared his throat awkwardly, making Jason smirk.

"Well, it all started when you were a farmer-"

"Moving on," Dick interrupted, silently begging Barbara to start talking.

_**"Really? What did he say?" Joker asked with a deadly smile.**_

_**"He said that he lived with three horrible men who forced him to steal."**_

_**Said horrible men sent glares Dick's way. The princes noticed this and started thinking. They were beginning to question everything the three men-**_

Damian smirked. Barbara sighed.

"THEY QUESTIONED IT," Barbara said, stressing each word. This caused everyone to laugh. She continued when they had calmed down.

_**"And who was the boy?" Zucco asked.**_

_**"And the men?" Slade picked up.**_

_**The princes caught Dick's eye. Tim smiled warmly, letting Dick know that he believed him. He leaned in close to his brothers and the redhead and started whispering a plan to them.**_

"Oh, by the way, there's something you should know..." Jason started saying.

"I'm the idiot brother?" Dick said, at the same time that Barbara said, "Dick is the idiot brother."

"How did you-never mind, it was probably obvious, wasn't it?" Jason said.

_**The king stood up and told the princes to escort their guests to rooms. The redhead led the three men to one room, while the princes took Dick to a totally separate room.**_

_**While they were walking, they decided to make some... CASUAL conversation.**_

_**"So, do you really believe me?" Dick asked, rubbing Wally's head subconsciously.**_

_**"Yep," Said Tim.**_

_**"To be honest, they don't really seem that trustworthy," Damian agreed.**_

_**"I saw one of them try to pocket some gold earlier," Jason said. "Just wondering if that counts as untrustworthy."**_

This made everyone laugh.

"No, that isn't untrustworthy," Jason said sarcastically, rolling his eyes to add to the comment.

_**"Here's your room," Tim said. They all stopped in front of a very nice-looking room.**_

_**"Do you know if the king believes me?" Dick asked them. The princes could not deny the little puppy dog eyes he was unwittingly giving them.**_

"Hey!"

"Oh, I'm sorry Dick, but I seem to remember these kind of puppy eyes from a certain 13-year-old," Barbara shot back. Tim and Jason glanced at Damian, who just shook his head and gestured to Dick.

"When we were still children, he asked me for some candy and used puppy eyes," he said. "I told him I didn't have any, but with that kind of power, it's a wonder he didn't take over the world."

This caused everyone to laugh so hard, it brought tears to their eyes. Clark gasped out "he took over the Justice League" which didn't help.

Finally, they calmed down enough for Barbara to continue her story.

**_"We'll talk to him and find out," Jason reassured him. "For now, why don't you get some sleep?"_**

**_Dick nodded and entered the room. Wally licked Tim's hand and followed Dick._**

**_The princes headed downstairs and saw the redhead talking to the king. When they entered the dining room, the two turned their heads to them._**

**_"Who do you believe?" Damian asked him, getting right down to business._**

**_"The kid," the king said, only realizing that he didn't actually know any of their names._**

"With no evidence?" Cass asked. She scrunched her eyes shut and opened them again.

"Sorry... déjà vu."

**_"Same here," Tim said. "What do we do?"_**

**_"We need to expose those men," the king said._**

**_"Or, if the kid is lying, it will expose him," Damian said, being the only one making an ounce of sense right now._**

**_"True. Whether we believe him or not, we have to be sure he isn't lying," Jason agreed._**

**_So, the next day, they gave everyone a tour of the castle, including the treasure room. The castle caretaker walked up and whispered something in the king's ear, which caused him and the princes to run off around the corner in a hurry._**

**_This gave the men an opportunity they had been waiting for._**

"Uh, which one..." Barbara asked Dick, who thought for a moment and said "Joker."

No one questioned his choice.

_**Joker grabbed Dick by the front of his shirt and told him to go in the treasure room and grab the smallest thing in there. What they didn't know was that a FROG was watching them.**_

"Nice to see you're embracing the froginess, Babs," Dick said, to which Barbara threw a pillow at him.

**_The frog hopped back around the corner and told the family what she had seen. She turned back into a person and they rounded the corner again, catching Joker in the middle of threatening Dick. The king cleared his throat with his arms crossed, causing Joker to turn around in a panic and drop Dick. Dick, sensing an opportunity for escape, tried running towards the king, but Slade caught his arm-_**

"No, Zucco," Dick said immediately.

"Um, ok then..." Barbara said, a little worried, but she said nothing more.

**_Zucco grabbed Dick's arm and held him around his shoulders, effectively pinning the boy in place._**

**_"Hello, your Majesty," he said nonchalantly._**

**_"We saw you," said the king. "Release him."_**

**_Zucco glared at the king but released his captive, who wasted no time in running behind the king and trying to hide his face while clutching his arm tight._**

Steph squealed, having imagined the picture and finding it absolutely adorable. Of course, no one knew why she squealed, so she got a bunch of confused looks.

**_Before anyone could say anything else, Wally jumped in front of the king, princes, redhead, and Dick and growled at the three men in front of them. This caused them to back off, giving the king's guards plenty of time and space to arrest them._**

"The End."

"Wait... what happened to Dick and Wally?" Steph asked.

"Uh... the king adopted them," Barbara said, sprouting out the first thing that came to mind. Everyone sat back in satisfaction.

"I just realized that Slade didn't do much," Jason said. "Like, not even much talking, and no action."

"Yeah... Dick, why didn't you want that?" Barbara asked him. Said boy shrugged.

"I just didn't want him to do much," he said nonchalantly, but they all caught the underlying tone of urgency in his voice.

"Who is Slade, anyway? Do you mean Deathstroke?" Tim asked. Without looking at any of them, Dick nodded.

"Why did he-"

"Does anyone know what time it is?" Dick asked, cutting off Jason and avoiding whatever question he had been about to ask.

"Uh... 11:45," Barbara said, surprised by what time it was. How did it get so late without any of them noticing?

"Alright, we'll continue tomorrow," Dick said, standing up. "Gnight guys!"

With that, he bolted up the stairs.

"So... we're figuring out the story between him and Deathstroke tomorrow, right?" Steph asked. With a worried glance up the stairs, Barbara nodded.

* * *

"Isn't that what you said?" She asked him. He blinked slowly at her.

"When did I say that?" He asked, then he seemed to get it. "Oh. In Romani. You really should learn."

"Hey, I know some! I'm not a big nerd like you," Barbara retaliated.

"Hey, calm down, both of you," said Bruce, walking in with a now 13-year-old Damian. The two glared at each other for a moment longer before Dick shrugged nonchalantly. They went back upstairs for dinner. Once that was finished, Dick hopped on the table and started humming "Eye of the Tiger."

* * *

Hope you enjoyed part two! And I referenced Teen Titans with the whole thing between Slade and Robin (Nightwing in this story.) I thought it would work.


	6. Snow Steph and Cass Red

Batman nearly pulled an all-nighter trying to figure things out.

Why did Dick seem so desperate NOT to mention Deathstroke? He never had a problem with it before. Not to mention Superman, along with Tim and Damian, behind him. Clark was kind of obvious. He wasn't trying very hard not to be noticed, because he knew that Batman would know he was there no matter what.

But Tim and Damian thought they were still concealed. Probably. Well, they were Bats, after all. Who knew what any of them thought?

Batman smirked to himself, priding all the boys, plus the girls. They managed to pick up his slightly better traits.

His smile dropped when he found something. He studied it for a moment, calling everyone present up to the computer with him. Tim and Damian looked murderous, and Batman knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Jason would most likely kill someone. Superman just looked horrified.

This certainly explained a lot.

After Batman sent them all to bed (or home, respectively) he searched for any other interactions between Robin and Slade. He found a couple other things but decided to call it a night. He would have to have a long talk with Dick tomorrow.

If he could get any sleep.

* * *

"Alright guys, I'm pretty sure I forgot to tell you what's next," Dick said the next morning, back to his usual Bright 'n Happy chicken nugget mode.

"Where's Bruce?" Steph asked.

"He was late for work this morning, so he rushed off," Dick said. "I 'forgot' to return the alarm clock I 'borrowed' from him."

So... he was still bored yesterday. Either that, or four-year-old Dick got to the clock.

Tim and Damian sat on the couch, neither looking particularly pleased. Something was bothering them, but instead of being annoyed, everyone could feel the raw anger emanating from the two.

Dick, in all his chicken-nugget glory, decided he would help the two calm down.

"The next story is Snow White-"

"Just put on the Disney movie already!" Damian called, but his anger wasn't directed at Dick. That's good, definitely a good thing. Hopefully they weren't mad at each other... or Jay. He seemed to be confused about their anger as well.

"AND Rose Red," Dick finished. This earned him a lot of confused looks.

"Who?" Cass asked.

"Snow White and Rose Red," Dick said. "Disney totally skipped Snow's sister. Also, Babs, as amazing as your story was, there was no dog in the original Cinderella. Disney tarnishes the name of original stories."

"Well, get on with it," Jay said. When Dick turned around to the couch, he leaned into Damian and Tim, and heard things that he wished he had never heard.

But he managed to keep his cool, convincing the two to do so as well, so when Dick looked over at them, Tim and Damian seemed to have calmed down.

"Alright," he said.

_Once apon a time, there lived a woman and her two daughters. The woman's name was Barbara, and the two girls were Cass and Steph._

_Steph was a calm, blonde-haired girl who liked to stay indoors reading. Cass was a raven-haired little ball of energy who spent her days running around outside, but the two loved each other and Barbara, so it was all good._

_One day during Winter, there was a knock at the door. Cass opened it and screamed._

"What? Why?" Cass asked. Dick raised an eyebrow at her, and she smiled sheepishly.

_There was a big Black Bear literally standing right outside their door._

Everyone tensed. Sure, Black Bears were some of the least harmful bears in North America, but that didn't mean that weren't still deadly.

_She slammed the door shut, panting heavily. The bear knocked on the door again, and Cass reopened it slowly, thinking that 'hey, this bear is KNOCKING ON MY FREAKING DOOR.'_

Everyone laughed at this. The genuine laughter made Tim and Damian feel better, for real this time.

_When she opened it again, the black bear said, in perfect German, "Whoa, bleib ruhig. Ich werde Dir nicht weh tun."_

Everyone gave Dick blank looks.

"What?" he asked them in an innocent voice.

"We have no idea what you just said," Tim told him.

"You don't speak German?" Dick asked, disbelieving. Everyone shook their heads 'no.'

"Ihr armen Seelen ..." he said. (You poor souls...)

"Please, just tell us the story in English," Barbara asked. He shrugged, muttering a 'sure.'

"Why German?" Damian asked.

"Because," Dick answered. "The story originated in Germany. Now, kann ich weitermachen oder nicht? " (Can I continue now, or no?) They gave him blank looks, so he continued, a smirk on his face.

_"Uh... I don't speak German," said Cass._

_"We live in freaking Germany," said the bear._

_"No, we don't," Cass argued. The bear simply shrugged._

_"Learn how to read a map," he said. "I said calm down, I'm not going to hurt you."_

_"Oh," said Cass. "Why are you here?"_

_"I was wondering if I could warm up by your fire," he said. "I'm half frozen out here."_

_She turned around to look at Steph and Barbara, who said to let the bear in, so she did._

"Oh, sure, let the bear in," Damian said, obviously annoyed.

"What's wrong, Dami?" Dick asked him. Damian glared at the nickname, but chose to answer Dick's question instead of comment on the name.

"Who in their right mind would let a bear in their house?" he asked. Dick raised his hand slowly, but Barbara shoved it back down.

"Someone other than you, circus clown," she said. She knew the whole 'clown' part of the joke didn't affect him, mainly because he told her personally, so she called him that whenever animals were mentioned.

Dirk smirked at her and continued the story.

_The bear went immediately over to the fire-_

"Wait, who's the bear?" Jason asked. Dick smirked at him this time.

"That, my friend, is a surprise," he said.

_The bear lied down in front of the fire. They did that every day for the rest of the winter, and when Summer came, they were all really good friends._

_"Thanks for the warm winter," the bear told them "Unfortunately, I have to go do something."_

_"Do what?" Steph asked, a slight pout on her face. The bear struggled for an excuse._

_"Uh... something," he said. "Um... bye!"_

_And he ran off._

_A couple days later, while Barbara was at the market, the two girls ran into the woods to collect fresh berries for some jelly jam._

"Wait... I thought jelly and jam were two separate things?" Damian asked. Dick nodded.

"They are, which makes no sense, since they are both technically the same thing," he said.

_They gathered some berries near a fallen tree. While they did so, they heard a small voice call out._

_"Ah sh-"_

"You make the character cuss, we tell Alfred," Tim said.

"_Shitake mushrooms,_" Dick corrected. "That's what he was about to say."

_"Are you alright sir?" Steph asked looking over to the other side of the log and seeing a very tiny man crouched low._

_"What does it look like?" he yelled at her. "I'm stuck!"_

_Cass peeked over the side now and frowned. The two walked around to the other side and saw the problem._

_The man's beard was stuck under the log._

"He got lucky," Tim said.

"REALLY lucky," Jay agreed.

_The two girls tried everything they could think of to lift the log off the beard, but it didn't work. After about their 15th attempt, Cass facepalmed and pulled out a pair of scissors._

_She cut the very end of the beard, effectively freeing him, but he started yelling at her about cutting his beautiful beard. After a while, he grabbed a sack from a nearby tree and ran off._

_"Rude," said Cass._

Dick's story version of Cass said it at the exact same time real life Cass said it. This caused a small bout of laughter.

_About a week later, the girls decided they would go fishing. Barbara wanted to try some sushi, anyway, so they told her they would get a raw fish._

"Ew, sushi?" real life Barbara asked, making a face. "Never."

"Sushi is good!" Dick protested. "Besides, it isn't always made with fish!"

"What else? Shrimp?" she asked sarcastically, but Dick nodded.

"And crab."

She crossed her arms and he got the message.

_When they got to the stream they saw a very familiar-looking old man whose beard was caught on his line._

_"Oh, it's YOU," he sneered at them. "Don't just stand there, help me out!"_

_Cass crossed her arms, not exactly about to waste her time helping him again, so Steph walked up and tried untangling his beard. Finally, she gave up. His beard was trapped._

"It couldn't have been that hard," real life Steph said. Dick raised an eyebrow at her.

"You've seen your earbuds?"

"Yeah, but there is absolutely no way that I would-oh," she said, understanding the question now. "Please, continue."

_She studied his long beard thoughtfully. Well, it was slightly shorter than when she first saw it, because Cass had cut his beard._

_That was it! Steph reached into her bag and brought out some scissors, cutting the old man's beard even shorter than her sister had. He sprung up and cussed her out, finally walking off after grabbing his sack._

"That was even worse than last time!" Cass said. Dick shrugged, impatient for the ending of the story. This was gonna be GREAT payback for the whole "Star and Wing" deal from the Initiate story.

Also, a very good way to keep them on their toes. Who knew what he could pull next? Dick resisted the urge to childishly cackle (he says childish, but it may have been limited only to him when he was 13... just an afterthought.)

_The two girls nearly forgot about the little man. After a month, the carnival came to town. Barbara let the two girls go, but on their way, they ran into the man again._

_This time, he was trapped in the claws of a GIANT EAGLE!_

"No way," said Damian. "Not unless it's Garfield."

Everyone nodded in agreement with him, but Dick tutted him.

"I'm pulling these scenarios right out of the book," he said.

"So, a little man was really stuck in the talons of an eagle?" Jason asked. Dick smiled and nodded.

"Yes. Now you guys are getting it!"

_The girls didn't want to help him, but they were raised too well. The walked up and freed him from the eagle's talons, but as soon as he was free, he grabbed his sack and ran away._

_"At least he didn't yell at us this time," Cass said. Steph giggled at the comment and they continued on their way._

_When the carnival day was finished, Cass and Steph started heading home. On their way, the saw the man one more time._

"What's wrong with him this time? Hand trapped in a honeycomb?" Cass asked mockingly. Dick smiled and she paled.

"No way..."

"Nah, you're right. He's not stuck in a honeycomb," Dick said.

A pillow was thrown at him.

_"You can't eat me!" the little man cried. In curiosity, the girls walked in the direction his voice was coming from and saw their bear friend threatening the man._

"I know the man is rude, but that doesn't mean the bear has to eat him," Steph said.

"True... it's very bad for his digestive system," Damian agreed.

_The man saw the girls approach and a malicious light entered his eyes._

_"Eat them!" he shouted, pointing at the girls. The bear turned to them temporarily, but that was enough for the man to grab his sack and run off. He didn't get very far when he tripped over a stump and dropped his sack._

_Gold, rubies, diamonds, and other precious valuables spilled onto the forest floor._

Cue the dramatic gasps as everyone finds out what's going on. The really couldn't help but detective everything, could they?

_The girls gasped and the bear growled at the man. With one giant paw, he managed to swipe the man off the face of the Earth! No one ever saw where the man landed._

_As soon as he was gone, the bear turned to the two girls, who were standing there in shock n awe. He turned into a young man with black hair and green eyes. He had to be around the same age as the girls._

"Oh, no..." mumbled Damian. He buried his face in his hands. Steph mirrored his actions.

_The young man was a prince._

"Please stop," Steph begged him.

_Steph blushed._

"Don't you dare," Damian warned.

_He told them that he was turned into a bear by the small man so that he could steal his treasure, and the girls kindness to him turned him back into human. Somehow._

Damian and Steph both glared at Dick. Was this really happening right now?

_His name was Damian._

Real-life Damian reached for his sword, but Dick held it up for him to see. Damian glared harder.

_And he and Steph-_

"Don't do this... you WILL regret it," Steph warned.

_Got married._

Dick was assaulted by pillows. He had to duck behind the couch for cover while everyone else in the room (not including Damian and Steph) laughed their heads off.

From behind the couch, he shouted, _"CassmarriedhisbrotherTerryandtheyalllivedhappilyeveraftertheend."_

It took a couple seconds for everyone to find out what he had said, but once they did, Cass stood up and barraged Dick with three times as many pillows as Damian and Steph could manage.

"Next is Rumpelstiltskin!"

* * *

Ok, so, I don't know why I ship DamianxSteph, but I do, so please no hate.

Also, I put Terry in here because... well, why not?


	7. RumpleTrollskin

Warning: more shipping ahead, though I think this might be slightly canon shipping... I don't know what to believe anymore.

* * *

It took two hours for Cass, Damian, and Steph to calm down. TWO HOURS!

Which meant that when they finally calmed down (or rather, stopped attacking Dick) it was time for lunch. While they ate, Dick thought about earlier.

Thinking back on it, he should have suspected why Dami and Tim were so mad. Obviously, Bruce was curious about his aversion to Deathstroke, so he looked him up, somehow stumbling across the history between him and Slade. Tim and Damian must have been down there with him when he found it all.

Watching them now, talking to Jay, only proved his point. From a glance it looked like they were arguing. If you knew them as well as Dick did, you could tell they were all angry at the one same person and were plotting revenge. Which meant that, if Dick was right and Tim and Damian knew about Slade, they told Jay and now all of them wanted revenge.

His mind switched back to Rumplestiltskin. He could worry about his brothers' revenge later. He still had a story to tell. That is, if his brain would work. He was completely stuck on this story. Oh, well. He would make things up as he went.

He cleared his plate and put it in the sink. Cass was next, then Barbara, then Damian. Soon, everyone's plates were in the sink, waiting to be cleaned.

"Alright, you guys ready?" he asked them.

_Once upon a time, there was a horrible, unnamed man who was very greedy and lived on a farm with his daughter._

Jason raised his hand but before he could say anything, Dick continued.

_His daughter was named Kara._

Jason put his hand down, tensing up as he did so. Dick smirked at him. Ok, so that's where they were headed.

_One day, the king, Jason-_

This time, Damian put his hand in the air.

"Ugh," groaned Dick. "Prince Damian from the Frog Prince married Steph, Tim married... someone else. Spoilers... and Jason was the oldest, so now he rules the kingdom."

"But Terry wasn't in the Frog Prince," Tim pointed out.

"Do you want the story, or not?"

_Jason was riding around in a horse-drawn carriage, because that's what kings do, and he passed the farm. He happened to look out the window and saw Kara doing all the work._

_He called the carriage to stop so it did. He got out of the carriage and approached Kara. They were talking for a little bit when Kara's unnamed father caught sight of the king talking to his daughter._

"Man, am I glad Clark isn't here anymore," Barbara muttered to Cass, who bit her tongue to keep from laughing.

_He thought about how rich he would end up being if his daughter married the king. So, he went outside and asked Jason what he was up to._

_"I'm just talking to your daughter," he said._

"Grayson, this better not be going where I think it's going," Jason warned. Dick smiled innocently.

"What are you implying, Your Highness?" he asked. Jason bat-glared him, but Dick simply mimed a yawn and continued.

_"Yes, she's a very good person to talk to," her dad said. "She's very good at other things, too."_

_"I'm sure she is," Jason said._

Real-life Jason's glare hardened. Dick frowned to himself, just now realizing the hole he had dug himself into.

"What's wrong, Dick?" Barbara asked him.

"You guys have heard this story before, right?" he asked.

Damian shook his head, having never heard most of these stories. Being trained by assassins does that to you. Tim shrugged, he had heard most of these stories, but not really all of them. He was familiar with this one, though. Jason shrugged also, he had heard them, but that was a ridiculously long time ago. Like, post-Robin long time ago.

"Hm..." Dick said, thinking to himself a bit. "Alright, this one may end up sounding a little wacky."

"All of them are wacky," Steph said.

"Yeah, but... never mind. You'll see what I mean as I go," Dick said.

_"Oh, she is. For example, she can milk a cow, fix a roof, and even turn straw into pure gold," said the greedy father. Jason's eyes widened, and so did Kara's._

_Now, magic wasn't totally uncommon in those days, so the king believed it. He was descended from Bruce, after all._

There was quite a bit of snickering.

_But what he didn't know was that Kara couldn't spin straw into gold. No one could, as far as she knew._

And the snickering died.

_So, Jason decided to bring her to the castle, because the treasury may or may not have been empty. He told one of the guards to bring her to a nice room where she could make the gold before even asking for her confirmation of her ability to do it. Well, the guard led Kara to a nice room in the dungeon, where he locked her up and threatened to kill her if she didn't make any gold for the kingdom by morning._

Everyone looked angry and murderous, especially Jason. He would deny it to the ends of the Earth, but literally the whole Batfamily knew that he had a crush on Kara Danvers.

Wow. Dick was a terrible brother. But this was so worth it.

_Poor Kara was in the dungeon, buried up to her waist in straw. She could see a spinning wheel in the corner of the room but figured it wouldn't matter what she did. She would be dead by this time tomorrow because her FUDGING DAD JUST COULDN'T NOT BE GREEDY FOR ONE MINUTE._

_As she moved around to make a small bed with the straw, she heard a voice call out from the spinning wheel._

"Oh, great. First, we have talking oatmeal pots, then we have talking bears, and now it's a talking wheel. What's next, a talking hamburger?!" Cass ranted, earning a lot of chuckles from everyone.

"That can be arranged," Dick said, which just made everyone laugh harder. When they calmed down, Dick continued this somewhat ridiculous story.

_"Hey, stop bending all the straw, or we can't turn it into gold!"_

_"Who's there?" Kara called, panic in her voice. The voice spoke out again._

_"That doesn't matter right now. What matters is making sure you keep your head," he said._

"Ooh... who is he?" Steph asked, totally engrossed in the story.

"Sorry, but you have to remember, his name isn't revealed until the end of the story," Dick said mysteriously.

"Not true," Tim pointed out. "We find out his name before the story even starts."

"Yeah, because his name is the name of the story," Jason agreed. Dick smirked.

"Yeah, well, I'm not telling," he said in a very annoying voice. A pillow was thrown at him, but he didn't know who had done it this time.

_"But I can't turn straw into gold!" Kara complained. The man rolled his eyes._

"Oh, no clues... at all," Damian said. Dick smirked again.

_"Maybe YOU can't, but I can," he said. "Give me your necklace and I'll show you."_

_Kara fingered her necklace in thought but figured that she would miss her head more than some jewelry. She handed it to the little man, who got to work instantly._

_In almost no time at all, the straw was gone, and a massive pile of gold sat in the corner beside the spinning wheel. Before Kara could even thank the tiny man, he was gone._

"The End," said Jason, but Dick tutted him, wagging his pointer finger back and forth in the air.

"Nice try, but you aren't getting out of this fate that easily," he said. Jason huffed and crossed his arms.

_The king was amazed to find the gold, but kinda upset about her being in the dungeon. He punished the guard who put her down there, threatening his life the next time he disobeyed orders._

_Let's just say, the guard preferred the death threat._

_Jason and Kara got married the next day, because you always marry someone who was thrown into your dungeon literally the day before._

_Years passed, and the treasury got empty again. The king went off on a visit to his brothers' kingdoms, because it had been a while since any of them had seen each other, and asked Kara if she could please make more gold._

_Well, I don't know why she didn't end up telling him about her dad's lie, but she was quickly back in the dungeon. A different guard had thrown her down there with the same threats as the first one._

_Kara was tempted to order his execution but decided not to. One, because she was in the dungeon. Two, because this wasn't the same guard as last time, so he didn't have that same threat hanging over him. Which was really annoying._

_She was about to squash the straw under her foot when the little man from years and years ago showed up._

_"Jeez, what have you got against straw?" he asked her._

_"I'm sure you know what I'm in for this time," she told him. He nodded._

_"Yep. Need help?"_

_"Yes, please. You can have all of my jewels," Kara promised, but the little man wouldn't accept the offer._

_"No. I want something else from you... how about your first-born child?"_

_"Uh, ew... creep much," Kara said. The man scoffed and demanded the death of the king._

_"That's even worse!" she shouted, but the little man spun the gold, trapping her in a promise that she didn't intend to keep._

"Oh, brother..." Barbara said, facepalming to hide her worry.

_The king came home two days later. He and Kara walked into the kitchen, where they had received a special meal from the village, but no one knew for sure who had sent it._

_"Huh... weird..." Jason said. "Is it poisoned?"_

_The castle staff all looked at each other, none of them expecting that question._

"So, he's not a total idiot. That's good," Tim said.

_Someone came in and tested the food, claiming that it was safe to eat... then he fell on his face._

_"Ok, well, maybe the kitchen cooks should make something, instead," said the king. He helped the staff carry the man out of the room, leaving the queen to her thoughts. She figured that the little man must have sent it... it wasn't like she was going to kill Jason._

_It was two months before she saw the man again. There had been an attempted poisoning, kidnapping, assassination, another poisoning... then the man had been creative and tried fire._

_None of them worked._

_And Kara was helping the king out with calling the danger as much as she could. She managed to stop one of the two poison attempts, the fire attempt, even a snake._

_So, when she saw the man in her bedroom, she yelled at him to stop with the assassination attempts._

_"Ok, that guy with the knife wasn't on me... the other ones were, though," said the man._

_"Well, stop it!" she told him._

_"How about this... I will stop trying to kill him, but only if you guess my name in three days," he said._

_"Why three days?" she asked._

_"You want me to make it one day?" he asked her._

_"Three days... alright, deal," she said._

"Why DID he choose three days?" Steph asked.

"Because... what is a tiny man doing, trying to kill the king?" Dick responded.

"What does that have to do with my-?"

"Exactly," Dick said, stunning her into silence.

_The man disappeared in a blink, leaving Kara alone in the room. There was a knock on the door, and Jason poked his head in._

_"Hey, so, I found an alligator in the pool," he said. He entered the room. "Whoever planned that one did worse than the others."_

_"There's something I need to tell you..." Kara said, gesturing to the bed. Jason sat down, Kara following suit._

_She told him all about her father, the little man, the straw, and the assassination attempts._

"It's about time!" shouted Tim. Everyone laughed and agreed.

_"Well... I guess that means we have to find out what his name is, doesn't it?" Jason asked._

"Wait... he's just going to accept that? All of it?" Damian asked, disbelieving.

"Well, he's descended from Farmer Bruce, so..." real-life Jason said, causing everyone to laugh.

_"You're cool with all of this?" Kara asked him. Jason just shrugged._

_"I met a frog who turned into a girl when I was little... don't question my sanity," he said._

"Nope... he's perfectly sane," said Barbara, causing their already lively laughter to get even louder.

_"Before we do that, however, I hope you don't mind if I order your dad's death, do you?" he asked her. She giggled and said no._

Real life Jason snickered then went silent.

_Three days later, one of the many guards they had sent out came back, claiming to know the man's name._

_So, when the man returned, Kara stepped forward and pretended she had no idea what his name could possibly be._

_"Is it Megamind?" she asked._

The surrounding members of the batfamily snickered.

_"Nope!" said the man, pulling out a blowdart._

_"How about... Voltron?" she asked again._

The batfamily were obviously trying their collective hardest not to start laughing.

_"Nu-uh," said the man, loading a dart._

_"How about..."_

The batfamily sat in baited silence, waiting for Dick to reveal who the tiny man was.

_"Rumplestiltskin?" she asked him. The man sucked in a huge breath, accidentally swallowing the dart._

Dick only managed to get that last word out before racing up the stairs to avoid the oncoming flow of pillows, food, batarangs, and various house appliances being thrown at him.

"All that buildup, and it was just RUMPLESTILTSKIN THE WHOLE TIME?!" Barbara shouted.

"Just goes to show... we have to expect ANYTHING from Dick," Tim said.

From the top of the staircase, they heard Dick shout down,_ "He was never seen again_. The End, and next is the Elves and the Shoemaker!"

* * *

Hope you enjoyed this... chapter. I made a lot of changes, because Kara doesn't have a child, I think, and if she does, it definitely isn't with Jason. So, I had to change that pretty drastically.


	8. The Orphans and the Storyteller

Hey guys, so, there was a power outage at school today so I used my time productively. As in, I wrote this chapter. I used my phone, of course, so I'm sorry about the way the chapter title came out and I'm sorry if anything isn't as good as usual, but I'll OC it as soon as I have the blessing of a computer.

_**9-15-19**_ FINALLY I HAVE GOTTEN AROUND TO FIXING THIS!

(I'll OC it... lol)

* * *

Dick was up there for a while, which you wouldn't hear the others complain about. As soon as they were sure he was staying up there, the two former Robins (and current Robin) filled the girls in on the I-will-avoid-anything-to-do-with-Deathstroke attitude Dick had presented them with last night.

Uh... let's just say they weren't happy.

Dick peeked his head down the stairwell a couple of times, but Steph threw pillows at him to keep him from overhearing their conversation.

Aside from feeling murderous towards Deathstroke (they agreed that they would all be very busy tonight) they were still mad at Dick for trolling them. When they finally allowed him to come back down the stairs, Jason was sitting in the "story chair," as they decided to call it.

"Richard John Grayson," Barbara said, in a very serious (and deep) voice, "You have trolled us with your stories one too many times. We sentence you to... LISTENING."

"What?!" Dick exclaimed. "Then how am I supposed to finish the dare?"

"Until we deem you worthy once more, Jason Todd has been given the job of telling stories," Barbara explained, still using a deep voice.

"You realize that this is just going to give me more stories to tell at the end, right?" Dick asked her. Barbara just shrugged and sat down beside him. Jason clapped his hands together, dreading this. Why, oh why, would they make HIM do this?

Those donuts had better be worth it.

"Alright, so, according to Goldie, the next story is the Elves and the Shoemaker," he said.

**Once upon a time, in a time period that people would actually want to live in, there was a shoemaker and his wife.**

Dick groaned, horrified at the prospect of Jason telling any kind of story.

**They were poor, but the shoemaker was really good at making shoes, but he ran out of money to buy more leather for the shoes. So he cut out the last piece of leather and went to bed.**

"Why did you guys choose Jason, of all people?" Dick asked. Nobody answered him.

**When he got up again the next day, the pieces had been replaced with shoes. They must have been pretty nice, because someone-**

"Poison Ivy!" Damian shouted.

"Um, ok," said Jason. Tim stuck his arm up in the air.

"What?"

"Who's the shoemaker?"

"How kind of you to ask," Jason said with a somewhat sinister smile, which made Tim groan as he realized his mistake.

"Fine. Who's the wife?"

Dick jumped up and whispered something in Jason's ear, to which both boys burst into laughter. Tim just scrunched his eyebrows, not saying anything. Jason cleared his throat, regaining enough composure to continue the story, as Dick sat back in his own seat, covering his mouth to hide his giggles.

**Pamela walked into the shoestore and saw the shoes on sale. She bought them.**

**She gave Tim and his wife, Zatanna-**

Dick and Damian were holding Tim back so he wouldn't attack Jason. He and Zatanna weren't even romantically acquainted! If anything, they should be trolling Dick with this, but NOOOOO. They chose to do this to HIM.

**They got a lot of money for the shoes, so Tim spent it all on more leather. But they were broke again really fast, so he cut the leather again and went to bed again.**

"You said 'again' twice," Cass pointed out. Jason threw a pillow at her, which she dodged easily, having expected it.

**When he got up in the morning again, there was a pair of girl's boots on the table. Some-woufefhow**

_King Jason walked in and bought the boots, saying that they were for his wife, who he had told that he was going to visit his brothers in some other kingdoms, but really, he was looking for a present for his new wife!_

Jason wrestled Dick, who had interrupted his story to bring everyone that bit of dialogue.

By jumping out of his seat, slapping his hand over Jason's mouth, and using his right foot to keep the others back. When Dick finished his part of the story, he sat back down calmly, having successfully made Jason a part of the story.

"May I continue now?" Jason asked him with a glare. Dick nodded.

**So, I guess King Jason bought his wife those boots. Tim and Zatanna wondered who kept sneaking in and making those shoes for them, so Tim bought some more leather and they snuck into the hallway, making it look like they went to bed.**

**At midnight, they heard two people walk up to the table the leather was on. They peeked behind the door to see who it was, and it was two elves.**

Jason looked around at everyone present, probably wondering who the elves were. Seemingly satisfied, he pulled out two batarangs and started waving them around, as if this were a puppet show.

**They both had black hair and blue eyes, and one of them was 8 and the other was 9.**

Dick groaned, already knowing who they were.

"So, one of them is Dick," Steph intoned, taking into account Dick's reaction. "Who's the other one?"

"Bruce," Barbara and Tim said at the same time.

"Which is 8?" Damian asked.

"Bruce," Dick, Barbara, Tim, and Jason all said.

**The two elves sat down and started making the leather into boots. They were wearing… loincloths.**

Everyone (except Dick, obviously) laughed their heads off. Steph blushed slightly at the picture popping up in her head, but laughed nonetheless.

**This made Tim and Zatanna feel bad, so when the elves finished the boots they made tiny clothes and Tony shoes for them.**

**When Bruce and Dick found the shoes the next night, they were so happy that they only gave Tim and Zatanna special new shoes once a year.**

"The End," Jason concluded. "Next is Tim's turn.

"Ok… how about Princess and the Pea?" He asked. No one protested, so he got right down to business. Well, after getting the Story Chair from Jason and promising the chocolate filled donuts.


	9. The Titan and the 100 Dollar Bill

NAAAAAAAAAAAA ZAMBEDENYA... something something something... CIRCLE OF LIFE!

I'm on my phone again...

I have no idea what the Circle of Life thing was about, but I'm too lazy to remove it now that I've put that there.

* * *

Jason munched happily on his donuts as Tim sat there, thinking. He wouldn't let his mind wander to the night shift… their crazy plan…

NOPE! NO, NUH UH, NADA, ZILCH, HE WAS NOT THINKING ABOUT THAT, NO SIREE. He tried his hardest to turn his mind back to stories, and troll, and Dick, and Deathstroke…

Tim shook his head, almost unnoticably, to clear his thoughts. He would probably have sat there all night, thinking about the story, if he wasn't on a time limit. He looked around at everyone present. The girls had already been in multiple stories… same with him, Jason, and Damian…

There was a knock at the door.

"I'll get it!" Steph exclaimed, jumping out of her seat and opening the door. She let out a squeal of joy and reentered the room on someone's shoulders.

"Garfield! It's been a while!" Dick said, smiling. Garfield lowered Steph gently to the floor and smiled back, kanine teeth glimmering.

"That's too long in my professional opinion," he told Dick. Rachel came up behind him and rubbed his messy hair.

"Professional?" She joked with him. She was a lot like Damian, where she joked, but always made it seem so… serious.

An idea popped into Tim's head when Kory arrived in the room. He almost grinned an evil grin worthy of Dick.

He clapped his hands together, really loud, to get everyone's attention.

"I've got it!" He said. "You guys ready?"

The Batfamily sat back down in their seats, with Dick explaining everything to the Titans as he did so. When he was finished, the Titans sat down as well, willing to sit through a story or two. Tim took a deep breath.

**Ok, so, once upon a time, there was a prince who was really annoyed with the whole kingdom. **

Steph gave him a curious look but didn't say anything.

**His parents, who are unnamed, the castle staff, and the villagers all thought that it was time he married a princess. **

"Well who's the prince?" Barbara asked. Tim snickered but regained his composure quickly. This worried the various members of the Batfamily, but they still said nothing.

**So the prince, Dick-**

Said person sighed, buried his head in his hands for a second or two, then came back up.

"I'm good."

**He was going to be as stubborn as they were and said that he would only marry a pure, proper princess. **

"Sounds like something he would do," Jason said through donut. This caused a lotta laughter as everyone agreed. Except for Dick, who was just sitting there with his arms crossed.

Jason opened Dick's mouth, put a donut in it, and closed his mouth for him again, leaving Dick terribly confused.

**Women from all over the world came to the castle, claiming to be princesses, but not one of them passed the very specific tests set by Dick. Him being a stubborn person, he set impossible standards so he wouldn't be married until he was ready.**

**One day during dinner, the unnamed queen asked him why he set such high standards. Now, obviously he couldn't tell her the truth, or a princess would be chosen for him, but he couldn't exactly lie, either.**

Dick leaned into Kory, so he could warn her ahead of time about what was coming, but Tim gave him a smug look. Dick leaned back against his chair and said something angrily in a different language. Kory flinched, so it was probably Tamaranian.

**Before he could give her a terrible excuse that wouldn't even fool Bruce**-snickers-**there was a loud knock at the castle doors. The… but-ler? came in, followed by a girl. **

Kory gently pat Dick's shoulder.

"So, you know how this works?" Jason asked her.

"These stories probably aren't good for his health," she said back.

"Actually, he was telling them originally, but he's been banned from the story kingdom for being a troll," Damian said without looking. Everyone just stared at him in shock.

"What?" He asked, looking up and around at everyone.

"Did you just-" But Jason was cut off by Dick, who shoved a donut in his mouth.

"Nothing, Damian," He said. Before another word could be uttered, Dick told Tim to continue.

**She had pink hair and emerald eyes, and Dick suddenly felt very stupid for setting those standards. The queen sighed and stood up.**

**"Are you here because you're a princess?" she asked. The girl tilted her head to the side in confusion.**

"I saw you do it once!" Tim pointed to her when she made to protest. "And Dick told us you used to do that!"

Kory slapped the top of Dick's head lightly. He whimpered like a puppy, but he had a stupid grin on his face.

**"Actually, I was just wondering if I could stay here tonight, to get out of the rain," she said. The unnamed king and queen gave Dick surprised looks when he said yes. Like, without hesitation.**

**The butler sat her down at the table while the king and queen got the spare bedroom ready. **

**The high standards that were set were simple: only the most proper princess would be able to find the pea-**

"Aw, Tim," Dick interrupted, shaking his head. Everyone looked at him curiously. "Tim, Tim, Tim..."

"What?" Tim asked him, purely confused. Dick sighed.

"This is so sad."

Now everyone was downright, plainly, horribly confused.

"You can change the story however you want! Instead of a pea, it could be a phone, or a book, or a donut!" Dick ranted. He gestured to Jason, who was shoving the last donut from his 3rd box in his mouth.

"Uh… ok," Tim said.

**So, Dick knew that it was impossible, so he decided to warn the girl about the p- uh, $100 bill.**

A couple people snickered at the sudden change in atmosphere but didn't say anything.

"Is this how all the other stories went?" Garfield asked. Dick shrugged.

"It varies from story to story, and narrator to narrator."

**"Why would you set those standards?" she asked him. He shrugged nonchalantly.**

**"Well, thing is, the whole kingdom wants me to get married-"**

**She cut him off.**

**"Why would you tell me, then?" she asked in an innocent voice that gave away the fact that she wasn't so innocent. Dick started stuttering.**

"Where did you even get the stuttering from?" Dick asked Tim.

"Rachel told me once that the first time Kory kissed you, you couldn't remember how to speak," Tim said. This caused everyone (except the original Titans) to start laughing really hard. Dick opened and closed his mouth like a beached cactus. Yes, I said cactus.

"Yeah, well, we hadn't met before that, so... well, how would you react if a cute alien girl who was destroying a city a few seconds ago suddenly kissed you, huh?" he sputtered. This caused the bats to laugh harder, even warranting a snicker out of Garfield.

When they finally clamed down ("If you don't stop laughing, I'm gonna ignore our deal. I have a particularly nasty prank in mind regarding feathers, glue, and a whole bag of skittles." -Dick) Tim continued his story.

**"Just search everywhere for the $100," Dick told her.**

**Back with the king and queen, they were hiding the money in the one spot no one ever expects it to be: under the mattress. **

**Now, they weren't going to pile, like, 10 mattresses on one bed. That would look stupid and suspicious, so they just had two mattresses and put the money underneath them.**

**When that was done, they brought the girl-**

"Just use her name, already!" Jason snapped. Tim scoffed.

**They brought Kory into the room. When they left, she started searching the whole room top-to-bottom for any sign of the money.**

**After maybe an hour, she sat on the mattresses to take a break. This gave her an idea, and he lifted them both. There it was, a crisp, clean $100 bill. **

**The next morning, the royal family asked how she slept. Following Dick's advice, she said that she didn't sleep at all because there was something uncomfortable under the mattresses. So she married Dick, they lived happily ever after, blah blah blah yadda yadda The End.**

He looked at everyone present, silently daring them to make him give a different ending, but no one stepped up to the challenge.

"Good. Now, who's turn is it?"

"Shouldn't it be Damian's turn?" Rachel asked. Everyone looked at Damian.

"There is no way I am dumbing myself down to this childish level of storytelling," Damian said, crossing his arms sternly. Barbara sighed and turned to Dick.

"You have one chance," she told him. A big smile broke out on his face, but before anything else, she poked his nose and didn't remove her finger.

"If you mess this up, you will not be allowed to tell another story for the rest of the day," she said. Dick's smile spread slightly.

"You got it," he promised her. He and Tim switched seats.

"Good to be back!" Dick exclaimed. He smiled evilly, and the Batfamily was put on edge. "The next story is The Three Wishes."

* * *

Do you think Barbara made a good choice, or did she just screw everyone over again? Also, I wonder if any of the Titans wish to tell a story?


	10. The Third Bruce

UGHGHGHG SCHOOL GRANTS NOT THE SWEET FREEDOM OF COMPUTER TIME.

Also, I'm a fan of MLPFIM and I've been crying all day. Totally random thing, but I've been exploding so I needed to put it somewhere.

Also also, **Jen-M**, do not panic! Damian will get a chance! You also scared me, btw... ever since the Initiate story, I've been planning that! I have the perfect story in mind and everything! I'm just waiting for it to pop up in the book, then we're home free.

Also also also, **vi**, just let me know which one, and I'll let them take over!

Ok, I think I've wasted enough of your time. FOR NOW.

**_LINE BREAK_**

Dick wondered briefly if any of the Titans would want to tell a story, but thought better of asking. Besides, Rachel was right. It was supposed to be Damian's turn. Eh, he could convince him. He has his ways.

Then again, Damian has his own ways... but when compared to Dick's ways, the poor Robin didn't stand a chance.

"Alright!" He exclaimed. Damian fingered his sword warily, and Dick had to stifle his laughter.

"Guess who's back?!" He continued. "That's right: Bruce!"

Bruce chose then to barge into the manor. Dick couldn't contain his laughter and he burst. Bruce stepped back in shock, but whether he was shocked at the sheer number of people in the room or the insane laughter, we may never know.

"Why is that... you were talking about story Bruce, weren't you?" Damian asked. Dick fell on the floor in laughter.

"I'll assume that's a yes," Damian said.

"You guys are still telling stories?" Bruce asked.

"Why wouldn't we be?" Jason asked him.

"Well, you usually stop doing something after a day."

"This... was a-haha-.. dare!" Dick choked out through laughter. When he finally calmed down, Garfield helped him stand up and set him in the story chair.

"Ok," Dick said, calmed down once again. "Yes, I actually meant story Bruce... he's back!"

"I've never heard of The Three Wishes," Tim admitted.

"Well, now you'll know the story!" Dick promised him. Everyone wondered if he was just making this story up, but decided they would listen in on it anyway.

(Post editing note: he technically is making these up... I'm just realizing this...)

As if they had a choice.

"Ok!"

_Once upon a time, there was a poor old fisherman named Bruce._

Damian opened his mouth to say something, but Dick held up a hand and Damian closed his mouth again.

_One day, while he was out fishing, he managed to catch absolutely no fish. Not one._

Some sympathetic looks were exchanged for the poor man, and Dick was afraid that he had to agree with his family (and friends, though the line between the two had noticeably diminished over the last few years.)

_He was about to go when he managed to snag a fish in his net. Excited, he quickly pulled it out. It wasn't much, but at least he and his wife wouldn't starve tonight._

Everyone seemed so relieved for the old farmer that they didn't even bother making any comments, much to Dick's relief. The 'Farmer Bruce' thing was starting to get a little old… but it most likely wasn't gonna die between them all for a while.

_But, of course, the fish was able to talk._

He looked through everyone, silently daring them to make the joke, but no one did. Dick was now on the edge of his seat. Were they just waiting for the right moment to strike? He should be prepared, just in case…

_"No, sir, please! Don't eat me!"_

Everyone burst out laughing at the sudden high-pitched voice emanating from Dick's mouth.

_Bruce nearly dropped the fish._

_"I'm not gonna eat you… yet," he said honestly._

_"If you let me go, I'll grant you any three wishes!" Said the fish. "But be careful what you wish for… and be very specific!"_

_Bruce, of course, let the little fish go, thinking "what's the worst that can happen?"_

"Let me guess," Damian sighed. Dick laughed at his reaction.

_So Bruce showed up at his house, got yelled at by his wife, who set out some bread for them for dinner._

_"I wish this bread was a big plate full of big sausages," he grumbled. But, in a blink, there was a GIANT PLATE full of the BIGGEST SAUSAGES he had EVER. SEEN. _

_It was almost too good to be true! Of course, his unnamed wife got mad at him again, and she said something about wasting the wishes. She also wishes the sausages were attached to the end of his nose!_

Everyone laughed half-heartedly at this. Well, except Jason.

"But, wait… I thought she didn't believe him about the wishes?"

"She didn't, but now she DOES," Dick summed up. Jason looked down for a second in thought.

_They tried pulling it off of him, but it was no use. So, they used the last wish to get the sausages off of him. _

"The End."

Everyone in the room just stared at him.

"What?" Dick asked them.

"That's it?" Steph demanded.

"Dude, that's not how you end a story!" Garfield exclaimed. Dick just shrugged.

"That's how the story ended," he told them. This upset them even more.

"Father, have you heard this story before?" Damian decided to ask Bruce. Bruce gave them such a sorry look that he didn't even need to say anything.

"That's so unfair!" Steph exclaimed, crossing her arms.

"Yeah, no one got a happy ending!" Cass agreed. Rachel just kind of giggled.

"Well, the fish did," she pointed out. Dick glanced at the clock.

"Alright guys, it's getting late," he said. There were collective "awwws" around the room, but Dick insisted.

"Wait. We have night shift tonight," Tim pointed out. Jason, Damian, Cass, Steph, and Barbara all nodded in agreement.

"Alright," Dick sighed. He had a bad feeling. "Goodnight, you guys. And don't do anything stupid!"

**L_INEBREAK_**

Ok, I'll tell you how the thing goes at the end of the next chapter (if I remember to)

Hope you liked this... thing! (Also, Damian may need to watch out...)


	11. The Bird and the Other Bird

Hai guys minor cussing ahead. Seriously though, it's one cuss word.

_**9-15-19 **_Thank you for sticking around for these line break changes! (If you noticed them, otherwise, I wasted your time with this brief message. ;D) Oh! And I'm going to do the Slade thing, since a couple of you wanted to see it. Don't worry, **Ailyn Vel**, I don't think I'll die... but we'll see. F)

* * *

When Dick arrived downstairs the next morning, his brothers and sisters all had bruises, cuts, and hastily wrapped bandages around themselves. It looked like Tim and Jason had somehow managed to tie themselves together with the bandages, much to Dick's confusion.

"What the hell happened?!" Dick exclaimed.

"You cussed," Damian pointed out. Dick sent a brotherly glare at him.

"I don't care. What. Happened.?"

"What do you mean?" Jason asked. If it weren't for the thousand bandages (and slight blood on the couch, though Dick suspected that it was from not bandaging the wounds themselves) Dick might have thought they were innocent. But no.

"Either you guys all got into fist fights with gorillas, or you went after someone you shouldn't have gone after," Dick stated, already knowing what they had done last night.

"Pfft, we had the night shift, remember?" Tim tried. Everyone jumped on the excuse, saying that they were outnumbered, outmatched, it was a drug deal, so on and so forth. Dick sighed, not wanting to deal with this right now.

"Fine. Whatever. It's Damian's turn to tell a story," he said instead. Damian gave him a very surprised look.

"What?" He asked.

"Yep. Your turn. Hit it," Dick said, sitting down. Damian blinked slowly at him. Dick rolled his eyes, stood back up, walked towards Damian, picked him up, brought him over to the Story Chair, and set him down. Surprisingly, Damian didn't struggle or complain.

"So, what's the story?" Dick asked him. He sat back down beside Jason and Tim and got to work untying them.

Damian, in his 13 year old mind, settled on one of the shortest stories he could think of.

"The Lion and the Mouse," He said. Dick nodded. They sat there in silence for a little bit, causing Dick to look up again.

"Where are the Titans?" Damian asked. He was looking forward to forcing one of them to tell a story.

"They'll be back here later," Dick said. "An emergency popped up this morning, and they were needed immediately."

"Ok," Damian sighed. And he just HAD to choose a short one.

_There was a lion in a field one day._

He glanced uneasily at Dick. Tim and Jason were almost unwrapped, but he managed to roll his hand, telling Damian to keep going.

_The lion's name was…Clark._

Damian had heard a long time ago that when Conner, aka Superboy first showed up, Superman was NOT happy. He wondered if this story could bring some sense of justice to that, despite it having happened years ago. As far as he knew, they were like father and son.

_As he lay waiting in the grass, a mouse ran across his path. Clark caught the mouse and seemed about to eat it, but the mouse begged him not to._

"Who's the mouse?" Steph asked him. Damian hesitated, unsure whether his sources were accurate or not.

"Conner," He said. He looked at Dick for confirmation, and for a second he had no reaction. Then he looked up and smiled sadly at Damian in understanding.

_Clark just laughed and asked why not. Conner, the mouse, said that he may come in handy some day. This made Clark laugh, and he let the mouse go, thinking that he wouldn't make much of a meal._

Dick finished untying Jason and Tim, who wasted no time in getting away from each other. He looked up when Damian stopped again, giving him a curious look.

"Sorry," Damian apologized. "I got distracted watching you..."

"That sounds kinda creepy," Dick pointed out. Damian shrugged.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"I know."

Damian cleared his throat.

_About a month later, the lion had been out hunting again. When he bent down in some tall grass, the ground gave way and he fell into a hole. A net landed neatly overtop him, but he was trapped. Two hunters peered down into the hole to see the lion._

Barbara raised an eyebrow at Damian.

"What?"

"You aren't a fan of using their names, are you?" She asked in a smug voice. Damian glared at her. He should have known she would get back at him for that.

"Well, I suppose it IS easier," he admitted hesitatingly. Barbara giggled like a schoolgirl whose crush was flirting with her, mostly on purpose with the intent of annoying Damian further. It worked.

_They agreed that he was a nice catch and walked away to grab their truck, so they could drag him home and mount his head on a wall._

Dick flinched. These were poachers, not hunters. He had a soft spot for animals, and poachers... well, God forbid he meet a poacher.

_Clark heard a small whisper near his ear. When he looked, it was the mouse. It cut through the rope with his teeth, freeing the lion. He jumped out and ate-_

"Please! No eating the poachers!" Dick shouted, covering his ears. Everyone laughed at the display, and Damian agreed.

_The lion and the mouse-_

"Roll credits," Jason mumbled, so quietly that not even a bat could hear him.

_Jumped out of the hole and ran off, away from the hunters. _

"The end," Damian ended haphazardly. The boys all clapped dramatically while the girls yelled at them. Damian stood up and walked back over to Dick.

"Ok, now that that's settled-"

The Titans burst through the door.

"Sorry we're late!" Garfield practically shouted.

"Yeah, this was a big one," Rachel agreed with him. Kory just looked around at all those assembled.

"Damian went?"

Dick smiled and nodded.

"Guess who's next?" Damian asked them. Dick's stomach sank. Was Damian really about to-?

"Garfield."

Dick sighed. Yep. He knew it.

"Alright Gar, what's your story?" Dick asked half-heartedly. Garfield blinked twice. His brain seemed to have shut down, and before he could stop himself he said, "Why the Manx Cat has no Tail."

* * *

Ok, so really short one. It seems that they are getting shorter and shorter.

But hopefully we'll be getting to some longer ones again soon.

**_Wait a minute! I'm forgetting something!_**

**_Post editing side story note thing-The thing with Slade/Deathstroke! I totally forgot!_**

**_Lemme know if you guys actually wanna see (read, whatever) that, ok? THEN I'll do it (hopefully I'll remember next time. I'm not doing it now because it's 10:36 pm and despite it being so short, this chapter took me a while to write... DONT judge! School is murder)_**


	12. Why the Manx Cat has no Tail

Really short story in itself, but at least the chapter is longer. Hehe...

The Slade thing is at the end, and maybe not quite what you'd expected, but this is it. Now, I'll explain it more at the end of the chapter, so if you read the whole thing through, it should hopefully make more sense.

(I'm on my phone again RIP UGGHH)

Oh! And also, if you're a religious kind of person, you can skip to the Slade thing at the end if you want. I won't judge, and it won't break my heart. But if you're totally cool with slight religious mention, feel free to read, and I hope you enjoy the chapter!

**_Line Break_**

Garfield sat down in the appointed "Story Chair" And was about to protest that he wouldn't be telling any stories, but Damian cut him off, saying "It's too late, Logan. You're already in the Story Chair."

And so, now he was about to tell them a story that he hadn't heard since he was… 5? 6? All he remembered is that his mom used to tell him this story, and that it was his favorite.

"Uh, ok then…" he said. "Has anyone ever heard this story before?"

Dick raised his hand, but no one else did. Garfield was expecting Kory and Rachel not to have heard it, and he was a little shocked that Dick knew it, but for the most part, he wasn't surprised.

"Well, Uh… Do I HAVE to change up certain characters?" he asked. Dick raised a curious eyebrow at him. He stood up and walked over so that Garfield could whisper his reasons for not wanting to change characters. As soon as he mentioned his mom, Dick pulled away slightly and smiled sadly, saying that, no, he didn't have to change the characters to this story.

But it was limited only to this story.

"Alright," Garfield said, once Dick sat back down again.

(I ran out of different styles to use, so people outside the batfam Dick will be italic)

_This story takes place during the whole Noah's Arc thing._

Damian tilted his head slightly, like a confused puppy. His mother (and the rest of the Shadows) were non-religious, so... this was going to be interesting and confusing.

_The world was about to flood over, and so Noah and his sons and wife started loading two of every animal onto their arc. There were two ostriches, two lions, two mice, and two dogs. Two of every living animal, with the exceptions of Noah and his family. _

_However, there was only one of a certain animal-a cat. _

_This cat decided that she was going to go hunting one last time, since she wouldn't be able to hunt any of the small animals on the arc._

_Well, the flood was practically on them, and the cat was just getting back. She only barely made it onto the arc, but when the door closed, she realized her tail was on the other side of it._

There were gasps of surprise at this turn in the story.

"So... was her tail... cut off?" Jason asked, slightly horrified. Garfield nodded his head.

"Yep," he said, not sounding at all disturbed about the whole her-tail-was-just-cut-clean-off-by-a-door thing.

_When the flood subsided, Noah opened the door to get the cat's tail, but she bolted out the door and ran for the hills, not even caring about her tail._

"And that is why Manx cats don't have a tail," Garfield said. The batfamily all leaned forward on their knees, waiting for something. The Titans looked at each other in confusion.

"Uh... The End?" Garfield said, and they sat back again.

Damian raised his hand to ask a question.

"Yeah?" Garfield asked.

"Ok, I suppose this isn't a very SERIOUS question..." He said. He would save any religious questions for Dick, and for later. There was something else on his mind relating to this story, anyway.

"Well, what is it?" Garfield asked, almost excited to hear it. Damian took a deep breath.

"So... they brought two of every living creature onboard, right?" Damian clarified. Garfield nodded.

"Did that include insects?"

"I suppose it did... why?" Garfield asked. Damian shrugged.

"Well, who in their RIGHT MIND decided to bring the MOSQUITOES along?!" Damian ranted. The unexpected question caused everyone (even Garfield) to burst into laughter.

"I mean, seriously? Why would they decide to bring the bugs? And other annoying creatures that we don't care about, but mostly mosquitoes, flies, horseflies, and wasps?"

Even if they knew the answers, they wouldn't be able to tell him. They were all still too busy laughing. Damian joined in, though he still would like to speak to Dick about "Noah's Arc."

**_The Slade Story_**

It was a little later in the day, and an emergency had popped up in Gotham. The Titans teamed up with the girls, along with Jason and Tim to go take care of it, while Dick and Damian stayed home and made lunch. Damian could have gone with the others, but he figured that this was the perfect time to talk to Dick.

Dick seemed to want to talk to him, too, since he was the first one to speak.

"Ok, so, what happened last night?"

"What do you mean?" Damian asked him. Dick glanced over at him. He might have left it alone, but his eyes drifted to the bandage wrapped hastily around his head, almost of their own volition. Damian noticed his eyes moving and knew immediately what Dick was looking at and sighed.

"Ok... Father showed Drake and I something he found about the relationship between Robin and Slade... and then we told Todd... and then we all told the girls..."

"I know all of that," Dick told him. He bent down and unwrapped Damian's bandages, straightening them out and re-applying them properly. "What I want to know is what happened when you guys went after Slade last night."

Damian bit his lip... he really didn't want Dick to find out, but there really was no hiding it from him.

He sighed.

"Alright, fine."

**Gotham City**

**Last Night, 10:21 pm**

Last night, after Dick went to bed, Oracle, Red Hood, Red Robin, Robin, Black Bat, and Batgirl headed down to the batcave. They all knew that before they ki-uh, sorry, TOOK DOWN Deathstroke, they would need to find him.

So, Red Robin was on the computer, tracking him down, while Oracle did some extensive research on him.

She pulled something up on her holo-glove and showed it to everyone.

"So, when Dick was still Robin, Deathstroke, going by Slade at the time, kidnapped him and nearly destroyed all the original Titans," she said.

"How? Because there is no way Grayson could get caught so easily," Damian asked her. She tapped something on the screen and said, "Well, the reporters aren't entirely sure about what happened, but they think the Titans were poisoned by Slade and their lives rested on Robin doing what Slade told him to."

This made the present members of the batfamily very angry. Uh, let's not say what they did to alleviate their anger, but we can safely say that the batcomputer keyboard is missing letters A, H, D, Y, and O.

"Jeez guys, we're all angry, but don't take it out on the one thing that can lead us to Deathstroke!" Tim exclaimed, blocking all the attacks that he could. The girls grabbed Oracle's hands to help hold her back, leaving Red Hood and Robin to be the only ones still attempting to destroy things.

Once they had calmed down, they left Tim to continue the search.

After almost an hour, Red Robin stood up suddenly, slammed his hands down on the desk, and exclaimed that he had found Deathstroke. They set out immediately, Damian having recently rubbed a fresh coat of poison on his sword.

**_Regularly Scheduled Program_**

Dick interrupted him.

"Wait… you were ready to poison him?!"

"Uh, I could have sworn that that was what I just said," Damian told him in a "duh" voice. Damian opened his mouth to continue his story, but the other members of the Batfamily plus the Titans came barging in at this exact moment.

"GIVE US FOOD!!!!!!!!!" Jason yelled. He dashed over to the fridge and started tearing through it, shoving consumables in his mouth.

"What happen-JAY, STOP EATING EVERYTHING!!!!!" Dick exclaimed, dragging Jason away from the fridge.

"Scarecrowwasworkingonanewgasandtesteditout onusbutitjustmadeushungry," Tim said in one breath, snatching up food from the counters. "Hemanagedtogetawaybytheway."

Dick sighed and turned to Damian.

"I guess you can finish telling me what happened later. For now, we should remove the gas before they eat each other."

"That's not a bad idea," Jason said, biting Dick's arm. He helped in surprise and let go, and Jason ran over to Tim.

"No, no no no, nonononono!!!!! We are not going cannibal!" Dick yelled. He leaned towards Damian and quickly whispered for him to grab the tranquilizers before chasing after Tim and Jason, who were running up the stairs to eat Garfield, who ran up there a long time ago.

**_Line Break_**

The mosquito thing is for my dad, who pointed it out to me a couple days ago. It was something I never considered before he mentioned it.

And I'll finish the Slade story in the next chapter. So... yeah...


	13. Chicken Lickin Good

GHASP*

THE SLADE STORY IS FINISHED!!?!?!?!?!?!? WOOHOO!!!!!!!!

I honestly also can't tell how long these chapters are once they've been uploaded. It's REALLY long when I'm typing and editing, but once I upload it... it's shorter than a California midget. (No offense to any California midgets who may or may not be reading this. I'm short and I'm proud.)

Ok, here you go. OwO

**_Lime Break_**

Dick stormed into the room and saw a chicken resting in between Jason and Tim's arms. His first thought was that they managed to get Gar, but found out soon enough that the three boys were all asleep. He made a bird call, maybe a chickadee, and Damian exited the vent in the room, holding a blow dart and carrying 3 extra darts. They brought the two down into the Batcave, where the girls and the rest of the Titans were snoozing comfortably. While Dick got to work on an antidote, Damian continued with his story.

**_Still Gotham_**

**_Slade Story, pt 2_**

They ran along the rooftops until they reached a small warehouse. Red Hood started grumbling again, but nobody paid him any attention. They came this far, but up until this point, had only thought about brute strength. Now that they were about to face down Deathstroke, they needed a plan.

After brainstorming for a few minutes, they came up with something that they hoped would work. Robin and Red Robin would sneak in and look around a bit, while Hood was out front causing a distraction. Chances are, Robin and Red would have 5 minutes, AT BEST, to tackle Deathstroke from behind. That would grant them the element of surprise, and while Deathstroke was still in shock, the girls would come down and the seven of them would go full force.

It was risky… it was dangerous… and it was downright STUPID, but it was the only thing they could come up with on such short notice.

Red Hood moved to the warehouse door and knocked on it VERY loudly. After the third knock, the door opened, and he crossed his arms.

A foot came out the door. Then an arm. Hood's body tensed, preparing for an attack. None came, however.

There was a crash from inside and Jason moved to enter, but the arm grabbed his wrist and flipped him over. He landed hard on his back, but he didn't feel it. In fact, he came back up immediately and threw a kick in his opponent's direction.

It was a direct hit, and his attacker flew backward. Hood rushed in after him.

While all this was going down, Robin had gotten a weird feeling... like something wasn't right. So, he and Red Robin stayed out and watched the proceedings, with Red complaining that if Robin's hunch was wrong, then the whole plan was screwed. Robin knew this, of course, but his instincts didn't want him entering that building yet. And he ALWAYS trusted his instincts.

He was right, because seconds later, Hood was thrown onto the roof. The family rushed over to make sure he was ok, and of course he was. He sat up and denied the water Red was trying to get him to drink.

They turned to a somewhat silent thump from behind them. Robin's breath caught in his throat. It was him... Deathstroke.

The batfamily had faced Deathstroke before, obviously, but Dick usually ended up there with them, or at least Bruce.

Also, they were all beyond furious with Deathstroke for what he did to Dick. Sure, it was years ago... but they didn't care. He still did it, it still happened, and now he was on Robin's death list.

He, along with the rest of the family, got over the shock and charged. Robin struck out with his sword, but Deathstroke pulled his own quickly and caught the blade. While he was preoccupied with Robin's sword, Red Hood rushed at him and attempted a kick in the side, but Deathstroke pulled away his sword, ducking, and Robin narrowly avoided chopping of Red Hood's head.

Red Robin and Black Bat both charged at Deathstroke from the front, while Oracle and Batgirl charged in back. Deathstroke jumped up out of the way, but the attacking members of the batfamily saw this coming and launched their grappling hooks. Deathstroke, still wielding his swords chopped breezily through the lines and landed smoothly on top of Robin. Robin, who felt the crushing weight of the much older man, sliced at him with his sword. He managed to snag a little cut on his arm, which was all they needed.

Red Hood tackled Deathstoke, who glided off Robin.

The poison in Damian's blade was fast-working, so he stumbled a bit. He clutched at his head, probably feeling the poison in there. Deathstroke probably glared at them, but they couldn't tell because of his masked eyes. In a blink, Deathstroke was gone.

**_We finished it??? FINALLY!!!!!_**

"And that's what happened," Damian concludes. Dick finished injecting the last of the antidote into Jason's arm.

"That doesn't explain the bandages and stuff," he pointed out. Damian's face turned bright red.

"Oh, that happened afterwards… we ran into Batman…"

Dick started laughing and pulled away from Jason, who turned over in his sleep. Dick's laughter was contagious, and soon, Damian was laughing right along with him.

**_Lime Break_**

Everyone was sitting in the living room again. The Story Chair was vacated.

"We… aren't mentioning anything about… earlier, right?" Tim asked hesitantly. Dick smiled evilly at him.

"That depends on Damian," he said. Even Kory flinched away from him. Tim blushed, embarrassed. An idea popped into his head. It was crazy, but worth a shot.

"Hey, Dick?" He asked. Dick cocked one eyebrow at him.

"I once heard a classmate of mine mention a story called 'Chicken Licken'" he said. "She said it was a difficult story to read out loud."

"Where are you going with this?" Dick asked skeptically, sitting down in the Story Chair. Tim smirked at him.

"I'll give you $100 if you can recite the whole story from memory," he said. Dick smirked back at him.

"Word-for-word?"

"Word. For. Word." Dick shrugged.

"You're on."

Everyone got comfortable. Dick smirked. He put on a fancy accent to help the story along, since the version he knew was a bit formal, and everyone laughed.

_One fine day, Chicken Licken went for a walk in the woods. Now Chicken Licken was not very bright, and he was also rather inclined to act first and think after._

"Sounds like Jason!" Tim called. Everyone who had been calmed to giggles laughed again. Dick went back to his usual voice, because… well, spoilers.

_So when an acorn fell on his head, he decided immediately that the sky must be falling in. _

"How does he get that conclusion from an acorn falling on his head?" Damian asked angrily. "He's so stupid!"

"Hey, that's rude," Dick said.

"Yeah, besides," Jason shrugged, "he might have lived near Bru-"

"Don't," Dick interrupted. "Just don't."

_He set off as fast as he could to tell the king. On the way he met Henny Penny and Cocky Locky._

_"I am off to tell the king that the sky is falling in," he clucked importantly. _

Tim started wishing that he hadn't bet $100. As far as he knew, Dick was knocking this out of the park. He had to assume so, by the way Barbara was giggling.

_"We will come too," said Henny Penny and Cocky Locky. _

_So Chicken Licken, Henny Penny, and Cocky Locky set off to find the king. On the way they met Ducky Lucky and Drakey Lakey. _

_"We are off to tell the king that the sky is falling in," clucked Chicken Licken importantly. _

_"We will come too," said Ducky Lucky and Drakey Lakey._

_So Chicken Licken, Henny Penny, Cocky Locky, Ducky Lucky, and Drakey Lakey all set off to find the king. _

"Surely that's all, right?" Rachel asked. She, along with everyone else (except Barbara, who knew Dick had a ridiculous memory) was starting to get a little freaked out at how easily the words were coming to him.

Dick chuckled and continued.

_On the way-_

Everyone groaned. Tim dug around in his pocket to see if he had a loose $100 bill on him.

_They met Goosey Loosey and Turkey Lurkey. _

_"We are off to tell the king that the sky is falling in," clucked Chicken Licken importantly. _

_"We will come too," said Goosey Loosey and Turkey Lurkey. _

Dick took a deep breath.

_So Chicken Licken, Henny Penny, Cocky Locky, Ducky Lucky, Drakey Lakey, Goosey Loosey, and Turkey Lurkey all set off to find the king. On the way they met-_

"Lemme guess… Chickadee Lickedy?" Jason asked sarcastically. Dick grimaced.

_Foxy Loxy._

Everyone sat back in horror, then forward again in interest. This story wasn't going to go there, was it?

_"We are off to tell the king that the sky is falling in," clucked Chicken Licken importantly. _

_"What a good thing I met you all," said Foxy Loxy with a cunning smile. "I know the way, follow me."_

"Don't do it," Steph pleaded. Dick took another deep breath.

_So Chicken Licken, Henny Penny, Cocky Locky, Ducky Lucky, Drakey Lakey, Goosey Loosey, and Turkey Lurkey all set off behind Foxy Loxy. _

Garfield and Steph both looked on the verge of tears. Dick hoped they were just being over dramatic. There were much more depressing stories to get to in the future.

Wow. That sounded WAY too optimistic.

_He led them all straight to his den where he ate every single one of them for his dinner!_

That was also very optimistic.

_So the king never heard that the sky was falling in. (It didn't, of course.)_

"The End," Dick said. He looked around at all the distressed faces of his friends and family.

"Uh… Rachel's turn!" He exclaimed out of nowhere. "How about a happier one… maybe the Three Little Pigs?"

**_Like Break_**

I actually retyped this whole thing word-for-word. I'm sorry if you don't believe me, and I have no way of proving it to you, so you'll just have to take my word for it.


	14. The Three Little Titans

PREVIOUSLY:

Dick: I'm bored.

Tim: tell us stories that will make us hate you more.

Dick: sure why not.

two days later

Dick: hate me yet? Cause I hate you guys.

Batfam: lol, we know.

Raven: I is telling story now.

**_Line break_**

Garfield promised to take her to the carnival and win her some toys if she told a story. She sat in the chair to avoid that happening.

"Oh! And let's get back to changing the characters, please?" Dick asked. "They are supposed to be retellings, after all."

Rachel sighed and closed her eyes. She sat there in silence for a second or two, then came back up.

"Ok, fine."

_Uh, there-_

"Wrong."

"What?"

"You did it wrong," Steph said. "You're supposed to start with 'Once Upon a Time.'"

Rachel sighed again.

_Once upon a time, there were three little pigs named... Kory, Dick, and Garfield._

Dick winced but didn't say anything.

_One day their unnamed, unimportant mother sent them off, saying that they needed to be individual, or something. _

_Garfield left first. He wanted to build a house, and he passed a man with a wagon full of straw. He bought the straw from the man and started building his house._

She stopped for a moment. Thought for a little bit.

_Then Kory left. She also wanted to build her own house, so she bought sticks from a man with a wagon full of them. Who knew why he had a cart of sticks, but she bought them. _

Jason snickered a little bit.

_Finally, Dick left. He also built his own house, but he made it out of brick. The guy who was carrying the bricks seemed very eager to give his load to Dick. _

Then Tim snickered.

_They were all pretty happy in their little houses, but a wolf came along._

Jason stuck his hand immediately in the air.

"Yeah?"

"Who's the wolf?"

She cast a glance at Dick, who's head was resting in his hands.

"Uh… who do you want it to be?"

Dick's head shot up like a bullet. Jason's eyes glimmered. Rachel was confused about their reactions.

"Ooh! It's gotta be the Joker!" He exclaimed, literally bouncing in excitement. Rachel raised one eyebrow, studying him and Dick. Did they switch bodies or something?

_The Wolf's name was Joker, apparently. He came along, hungry, and knocked on Garfield's door. _

"You say the thing," Steph said.

"What?"

"Say the thing!" Tim agreed.

"What thing?" Rachel asked.

"The thing!!!" Tim, Damian, Cass, Steph, and Jason all exclaimed. Rachel blinked in shock and confusion, shock at the fact Damian seemed to want something in particular from this story and was willing to be a little kid just to get it, and confusion… well, that one is obvious.

"Uh…"

Dick stood up and whispered something in her ear, clearing away all the confusion.

"Oh, ok." Dick sat back down and gestured for her to continue.

_"Little pig, little pig, let me in."_

"Not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin!" The kids (including Tim and Jason) chorused. Rachel sighed and continued, knowing that they would demand it again in the future.

_Garfield peeked out his window at the wolf, who was standing there impatiently._

_"No? Then I'll huff, and I'll puff-"_

"And I'll cook you in a pot?" Damian asked sarcastically. "After I blow your house down?"

Everyone stared at him.

"What?"

"Damian," Steph said slowly. "We need to talk…"

"Yeah," Jason agreed. "You are…"

"Absolutely right!" Tim exclaimed. The Titans sat back in shock as the members of the Batfamily (minus Dick and Barbara) agreed.

"Why didn't he do that?!" Cass exclaimed.

"Maybe the first little pig ran away too fast," Tim speculated. Rachel cut back in before their thoughts could wander any farther, because let's be honest… Dick looked like he was suffering.

_So the Joker blew Garfield's house down, but because of the warning from the wolf, he managed to jump out and run over to Kory's house. _

_He told her what was going on and they waited in the stick house for a while. Joker approached, and repeated his actions._

Jason rolled his hand, making Rachel sigh.

_"Little pig, little pig, let me in."_

"Not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin!" The kids sang again.

_Kory and Garfield would have pretended that no one was home, but because SOME PEOPLE were so PERSISTANT-_

She cast an accusing glance at Jason, who smiled and shrugged innocently.

_The wolf huffed and he puffed, and blah blah blah._

Steph looked a little disappointed that Rachel didn't say the whole thing, but brightened up again immediately, making Dick frown in worry for Rachel. Every dog has his day…

_The wolf warned them again, which let Gar and Kory get away and run to Dick's house. He let them in, they explained everything, etc. and Dick helped them come up with a plan._

_When Joker came around again and said the thing-_

Damian cleared his throat expectantly.

_"Little pigs, little pigs, let me in."_

The kids kept silent this time. Rachel kept an impassive look on her face, but inwardly, she was dying to know why they were suddenly silent.

_Dick put a finger to his lips to keep them both silent._

Tim stood up abruptly. Rachel raised a questioning eyebrow at him.

"I was gonna get a snack from the kitchen," he said, then walked away. Dick's eyebrows furrowed in thought. This felt a little suspicious…

But Rachel didn't seem to notice, so he didn't say anything.

_"Whatever. I'll huff, and I'll puff, then I'll-"_

"BLOW YOUR HOUSE DOWN!!!!!!!!"

Rachel screamed and jumped out of the Story Chair, much to the amusement of the batkids. Including Jason.

She took a deep breath and saw Tim standing behind the chair, both arms raised and wolf ears on his head. He was laughing so hard his face was red. Rachel felt a red-hot swell of anger in her chest, but forced it down. She didn't wanna accidentally summon her dad here because of a stupid prank.

"Tim…" she growled instead. Dick sighed and put his head in his hands, feeling a sudden headache come over him. Tim cleared his throat, hoping to calm his laughter. Once that was done, he moved back over to the couch and sat beside Jason, who high-fived him. Dick probably would have said something, but his headache was getting worse.

"Alright, you can continue now," Damian said. Rachel sat back down in the chair.

_Because the house was made of bricks, it didn't go down. Joker sighed._

_"Fine, I guess I'll just have to go through the chimney," he said. Dick giggled and turned on the fireplace, which started boiling the pot of water._

Damian's eyes widened.

"I didn't know they boiled him," he admitted. "The only version I've ever heard is that the pigs stopped up the chimney and the wolf couldn't get in."

"Where'd you hear that?" Jason asked him.

"I once sat outside a daycare and listened in on storytime," Damian shrugged.

"Why'd you do that?" Tim asked.

"Because, I was bored that day."

They turned back to Rachel.

_Well, the wolf jumped in the chimney, fell into the pot of boiling water, jumped back out, howling, and ran out the window and down the road. He was never seen again."_

Rachel sat there for a second before remembering something.

"The End."

The Batfamily clapped dramatically, but with every slap of the hands, Dick's pounding head built up more and more pressure until he almost couldn't stand it. Kory looked over and noticed Dick's head was still in his hands.

"Dick, are you alright?" She asked with concern. This made everyone stop clapping and they looked at him. Dick sighed. His brothers weren't stupid, they would know something was up, even if he lied.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said. "Just a headache."

"Wanna go lie down?" Kory asked, getting up. Not waiting for a response, she led Dick upstairs to his room to rest.

"While Dickie's getting some shut eye, I've got a story," Jason said, not sounding at all worried for Dick, when in reality, he was just trying to distract himself from worrying too much. It was probably just a cold or something, he'd be running around before the day was even over.

"What is it?" Tim asked. He knew what Jason was up to.

"Why the Robin has a red Breast," he said, with a cheeky smirk on his face.

**_Lime Break_**

My phone autocorrects 'line break' to 'lime break.' It's so weird...

Nightwing: why do I have such a bad headache?

Me: what are you doing here?

Nightwing: I felt like coming. So why the headache?

Me: because.

Nightwing: ...

Me: you have to wait until I type up the next chapter.

Nightwing: that's not fair!

Me: it's also not fair if you find out before the readers do.

Nightwing: hmph. Fine.


	15. Why Robin has a Red Tunic

What time do you guys read these chapters? Because when I get a review, it's at, like, 2 or 3 in the morning. Just wondering if everyone lived in like a different time zone, or if you all disregard the rules of bedtime and yell at your brains for trying to make you go to sleep.

**_Line break_**

Kory came back downstairs, worried about Dick. His headache came on so sudden... she wondered why and hoped he would be ok.

_Don't be silly_, she thought to herself. _He'll be fine._

_Maybe._

_Nah, he was going to be fine. _

He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. It didn't seem like he wanted to do anything other than fall on his face and lose consciousness.

Which is exactly what he did. They got up there and Dick just fell on his pillow. Kory thought the picture was both adorable and highly concerning. She pulled the blankets out from under him, repositioned him, then tucked him into bed, bending down and kissing his head softly.

When she arrived back downstairs, the first thing she noticed was that everyone had vacated the room. She peeked into the kitchen and found everyone in there.

"Kory, hurry!" Jason shouted, shoveling some spaghetti into his mouth. "Bruce comes back in 5 minutes with Alfred!"

"He's coming back today?" Kory asked. She took her seat at the table and a plate was set in front of her, coming out of nowhere.

"Yeah, and we haven't had dinner yet!" Tim exclaimed through the food in his mouth. He swallowed his bite and inhaled another.

"What time is it?" Kory asked. She calmly scooped up some spaghetti into her mouth.

"10:49!" Damian told her, putting his plate in the sink.

"Wait... how long ago did you realize that you didn't eat dinner?" Kory asked, amazed when Jason and Tim jumped out of their seats and practically threw their plates in the sink.

"About... 3, 4 minutes ago?" Steph said. She shrugged.

"Doesn't Alfred want you guys to eat at around 6?"

"Yeah, that's why WE'RE HURRYING!!!" Jason said accusingly. His forehead was almost touching Cass's, but she didn't eat any faster than she already was.

There was a knock on the door, and the bats all froze, staring in that general direction. There was another knock, then the jingle of keys.

With a single glance, the bats got to work. Steph and Cass started stuffing their faces, Damian started washing the dishes, Barbara wiped off the table, Tim was helping Damian, and Jason was moral support.

"Hurry up! They're almost in here! You've got about 20 seconds before Bruce remembers which key is the right one!"

You know, stuff like that.

The Titans watched in interest. The batfamily was a renowned group of individuals, even better than the Justice League! They were cunning, fearless, and unstoppable. They liked to strike fear in the hearts of their enemies, and they always won, no matter how long it took. There were even rumors flying around that they were vampires, and that none of them were capable of death.

And yet, here they were, in a panic because they didn't eat dinner on time.

Another jingle of keys. The sound of a lock being turned.

Jason could have been a speedster. Every dish that Damian and Tim finished washing found itself in its proper place inside the cupboard. The sink was empty now, with even Cass and Steph's plates put away properly. The table was clean, thanks to the girls. The bats all rushed into the living room and threw themselves over random pieces of furniture just as the door burst open.

"Hey Bruce," Jason said nonchalantly. The Titans were in shock. How did all of that happen within the space of a few seconds?

"Hello, Jason," Bruce greeted. He looked around at everyone present and frowned. "Where's-?"

"Dickie's in bed," Jason told him. "Poor birdie wasn't feeling too well."

Bruce nodded, deciding that he would pay him a visit. "What happened here?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary," Tim said. The Titans walked back into the living room.

"Hello, Titans," Bruce greeted.

"Bruce," Kory said with a nod of the head. She saw Alfred enter behind him.

"Thanks for the lovely late-night dinner," she said. Garfield nodded, and Rachel walked over to the door and snuck behind Alfred. "But we should probably be going… good night!"

And then they left with smirks on their faces. Bruce raised a questioning eyebrow at the remaining visitors.

"Ah, we should probably get going too," Barbara said, gesturing to the girls. "We haven't been home in two days, the place is probably a mess."

As they passed Alfred they each gave him a great big hug.

"Everything is alright down here?" Bruce asked. He thought the boys were acting a little TOO casual.

"Yep," said Tim.

"It's all good!" Said Jason.

"As good as it gets in this madhouse," Damian said. Bruce studied them a moment longer, but let the matter drop.

"Alright… I'm going to bed. You guys have night shift tonight," he said. The boys nodded, and Bruce headed upstairs.

"How about one more story before heading out?" Tim suggested, and he and Damian turned to Jason, who sighed.

"Alright… but only because we need to catch Alfred up on what's been going on in here," he said. Said man raised an eyebrow at him.

"You only finished eating dinner, didn't you?" He asked. The boys all panicked.

"PFFFFFT WHAT?!!?!?!"

"NO WAY…"

"THAT's RIDICULOUS!!!!!"

"Perhaps you could explain the spaghetti sauce on your faces, then?"

Damian blinked. They were busted.

"Uh… from earlier," Jason said. Alfred watched them with an unimpressed look on his face. Tim sighed.

"Ok, we did," He admitted with a sigh.

"And, in our defense, we're worried about Grayson," Damian said. Alfred's expression softened.

"Yes, I suppose that's one excuse. Do not allow it to happen again."

The boys nodded vigorously.

"So, what it this about telling a story?"

"Ok, so Dick was bored, and we didn't want him to prank us," Jason started explaining.

"So I dared him to retell 100 different stories," Tim included.

"We've told a couple, and while Grayson isn't here, we can tell a story that would probably give him a migraine," Damian said. The boys all stopped when Damian said that. It got them thinking…

"Oh," said Jason.

"It's probably our fault that he's in bed right now," Tim said.

"And with a headache, no less…" Damian mentioned. Alfred gave them a small, cheeky smile.

"If that's the case, then master Dick will be fine again tomorrow," he said. "But I believe that you could get another story in before he wakes?"

Jason nodded. He sat in the Story Chair, ready to get started. Alfred, Tim, and Damian all sat down on the couch.

**This story gets a little… depressing. But don't worry, because it does have a good ending.**

The boys and Alfred all shared worried looks, but they soon returned their attention back to Jason.

**There was once a hunter, who lived with his son in the Arctic. Their names were…**

He studied everyone. He remembered something that happened years ago… when Robin had first joined Batman. And he's talking the ORIGINAL Robin.

**The hunter was Alfred, and the boy was Bruce.**

Alfred blinked once but showed none of his curiosity. Tim flinched, but Damian looked confused.

"Why Alfred and father?"

"Well, that's a whole other story in itself," Jason said, probably more serene then Damian had ever known him to be. It was a somewhat… nice change.

**They lived in a small igloo in the Arctic, which meant that they needed to keep warm. Well, they had a fire, but they couldn't let it go out, even for a second, or else they would freeze to death. **

**Well, there was a white bear. Maybe a polar bear, the original story never specified what it was outside of 'white bear' but we can assume it's a polar bear. He didn't like the hunter, because… well, hunter. **

**His name can be…**

Jason racked his brain to remember the name of this guy.

**Joe**.

Tim and Damian both looked a little confused, but one look at Alfred and Jason knew he remembered the name correctly.

**Joe wanted the Hunter dead, and if his son died, that would be just as well. **

**One day, Alfred got sick. **

The present boys gasped. Tim hoped the story Alfred would be ok. Real-life Alfred seemed interested in the outcome of the story, not even bothered at all about his story self being sick.

**He couldn't go out and hunt that day, but Bruce was alright. He kept the fire going and took care of Alfred, but Joe was waiting for his chance to take both of them out. He knew that they relied on their fire for survival, and he knew that getting rid of it would get rid of them. **

**The next day wasn't much better. In fact, Alfred was worse, and Bruce was starting to feel hungry.**

"How old is he?" Damian asked, sounding a little like a scared child.

"He's about… Well, the original story never specified how old the kid was, but he was really young," Jason said. Damian gulped and put on an impassive face. It was just a story, no need to get so worked up.

And yet his nerves wouldn't leave him alone. Tim seemed to be having the same reaction.

**But he still didn't say anything, kept the fire going, and kept taking care of Alfred.**

Jason looked around to make sure Bruce and Dick weren't in the room. Who knew how badly the two would suffer inwardly at this story?

**The next day Alfred was barely moving. Bruce was starving and tired, and Joe knew it. **

Damian and Tim's hearts started pounding. If Alfred wasn't the master of unreadable faces (and he was) they would be able to tell what might happen in the story. But they couldn't, because Alfred knew the story, and Alfred wouldn't give anything away by showing any sadness or sympathy, whether he actually felt it or not. Because this was just a story with made up characters, and the characters just happened to have the same names as the people they cared about…

**Bruce hadn't slept for three days straight, and remember, he was just a small child. He fell asleep, and Joe took this opportunity. He came and smashed the fire, throwing snow on it, destroying their wood, all of that. **

The boys felt like crying, and they hoped it didn't show.

**Bruce didn't wake up. **

**He had a friend, though. A tiny brown bird.**

"A robin," Tim said with a small smirk.

**The robin's name was Dick.**

Alfred gave Jason a small smile. None of the boys truly understood Dick's reason for choosing the name Robin… not even Batman was entirely sure… but they all had a basic sense.

**Dick flew into the igloo after noticing that the fire was out. He chirped once to let them know, then started making a ruckus when Bruce and Alfred didn't move. So Dick hopped over to the fire and started shuffling around the wood a little bit, looking for something.**

The boys were on the edge of their seats.

**Finally, he found a small spark.**

Damian gasped and smiled brightly. Tim just smiled. This caused Jason to smile at them warmly.

**He flapped his wings, trying to keep the spark alive. When nothing was changing, he flapped a little harder, making the spark grow. **

**Finally, Dick flapped as hard as he could, and the spark caught on another piece of wood, then another, and another. The fire grew bigger and bigger, and Dick kept flapping.**

"But he's still so close to the fire," Tim pointed out. Damian's smile slipped off his face, but Jason's never wavered.

**You're right, he was still really close to the fire. It started scorching his chest, his feathers turning red from the flame. **

**But the small amount of warmth woke up Bruce.**

Tim and Damian cheered, and Alfred's eyes shone with affection for these boys.

**He jumped up when he saw how small the fire was, and started collecting sticks and tossing them on the fire, making it grow tenfold. Dick had flown up once he saw Bruce wake up. **

**Dick must have been a magic bird, because Alfred started getting better the next day, until he was ready to start hunting again. **

**The next time Bruce saw Dick, he was a bit confused why his bird had a red chest. But he didn't question it, because he had a feeling that the little bird saved his life.**

"The End," Jason finished. Tim felt a sense of completeness, and Damian felt relaxed with a peaceful smile on his face.

Alfred cleared his throat, upset at being the one to disturb the peace.

"I believe you all have the night shift tonight?"

The boys all scrambled out of their seats, having forgotten all about work. They rushed down the stairs to the batcave.

"And please be careful," Alfred called after them. "You three really SUCK at applying bandages."

**_Line Break_**

This turned out more fluff and symbolic than I had originally planned.

I Googled who killed Bruce's parents, because I couldn't remember his name. It was Joe Chill.

I always thought, and this is personally just me, that Batman used to be reckless with villains (just think of the live-action Batman movies, particularly The Dakr Knight) and that when Dick came along he stopped him from doing that kinda stuff. Idk, but I know it's really cheesy the way I incorporated that into this chapter.


	16. Terry and the Story

Dick: guys, hi! I'm mad at Sweet right now, and it'll be explained at the end of the chapter.

Me: Dick, what are you doing?

Dick: trespassing on your self-esteem. Bye!

Me: ...he doesn't get any less confusing.

**_Line break_**

When Dick got up again the next day, he was shocked to be the last one in the kitchen for breakfast.

_At least the headache is gone, _he thought with stunning realization. He walked into the kitchen and sat at the table. Immediately a plate was set in front of him.

"Good morning," Damian greeted him. Dick nodded, honestly a little confused about Damian's happy attitude this morning, but he didn't say anything. He took a bite of his eggs.

They were delicious.

He looked to his left and saw Bruce sitting there, sipping some coffee, which made Dick a little more confused.

"Bruce? But I thought today is-"

"You've been asleep for three weeks," Bruce said calmly. Dick nearly choked on his bite of eggs.

"WHAT?!"

Jason came over and sat next to Dick, who started coughing because of the eggs hitting the back of his throat due to his outburst. He started pounding Dick on the back, dislodging the eggs and possibly saving his life.

"He's just joking. Bruce took the day off," he said. Dick stared at him with wide eyes.

"Is it sad that I believe the 'three week' thing more than the 'Bruce took a day off work' thing?" This made Jason laugh, and Dick wondered if he was just dreaming. Or hallucinating. Maybe the headache wasn't a headache at all, and it was him dying. Literally all of those possibilities seemed more possible than reality.

"Guys? I think Dick might be having a panic attack," Tim said worriedly. Dick took a deep breath, fighting off the urge to panic. He was reacting WAY too heavily to everything.

Then again, his family wasn't really acting like his family…

UNLESS THEY WERE DOING THIS ON PURPOSE!!!!!!

Ok, yeah, he was overreacting.

"You alright, Dick?" Jason asked him. JASON. ASKED. HIM.

"Ok, just tell me right now if this is all a hallucination," Dick said (somewhat) calmly. The boys all shared worried looks and Bruce leaned forward on the table.

"No, you are not hallucinating," he said. He and Dick made eye contact. "But you are looking a bit paler than usual."

"Maybe his headache wasn't just from us," Damian speculated. "I mean, mostly."

Tim felt his forehead.

"Yeah, he's a bit warmer than average," he said. Dick coughed once, but he blamed it on the eggs that he had been choking on not too long ago.

"I'll be fine," he said. "Besides, you guys are the ones acting weird."

"What? How?" Jason asked. Bruce thought for a moment then understood.

"Would it help if I said we were all worried about you?"

"No, but thanks for trying," Dick said with a warm smile. Yeah, ok, this was all really happening. All good.

But, just to be sure that he wasn't kidnapped or something…

"So, where did we leave off yesterday?"

The boys shared slightly panicked looks, but Damian stood up and faced Dick.

"Uh, Rachel had just finished her story," he said. The other boys rushed to agree.

Dick raised an eyebrow at them.

"You guys still told another story after she left, didn't you?"

The boys looked around nervously.

"What story?" Dick asked. The boys looked like they were gonna cry, and that made Dick feel bad. He looked down at his eggs and wondered for a second.

"Who made these eggs? It couldn't have been any of you, since I'm not dying of food poisoning," he said. Tim laughed.

"Damian's eggs are at least edible," he admitted. "But it was Alfred who made them." Dick probably would've started choking again if there were eggs in his mouth.

"He's home?!"

"Yeah, last night. Right after we had dinnerrrrrrrrrrrr…" Damian said, glancing at Bruce uneasily. "Well, maybe not IMMEDIATELY after dinner, because that would mean we had dinner really late last night, which we didn't, right guys?"

The other boys jumped right on the excuse. If they thought Bruce would be upset, they hadn't accounted for Dick…

"What time did I go to bed?" Dick asked, starting to get irritated. Oh, yeah, no question. This was them.

"At… 10:40? Roughly?"

"You didn't have dinner before that, otherwise I would remember it. It had to have been sometime AFTER I went down, and what time did Alfred get home last night?"

Busted.

"Uh…"

"Well…"

"Funny story…"

Dick raised an eyebrow at them.

"10:50," the boys all admitted ashamedly. Dick smirked at them.

"Hey, Bruce, since you've taken the day off, maybe you could participate in the story?"

Alfred walked back into the room with a duster in his hand. He must have just finished cleaning.

"That seems like a good idea, Master Dick," he said. Dick stood up and gave Alfred a big hug.

"Sorry I missed you last night," he said.

"No worries, sir. I heard you were feeling poor," Alfred said.

"He said, as we stand in a mansion," Dick answered, pulling away. The old butler chuckled, and everyone pitched in to clean the table.

"Ok, the Titans will be here tomorrow, and the girls said something about a 'secret mission'," Damian reported. Dick nodded and sat in the Story Chair as everyone else got comfortable in various other seats around the room.

"Ok, so… I was going to tell Androcles and the Lion after Rachel finished, but that obviously was not the case," Dick said. He glanced at his brothers again, wondering what story they told last night, and deciding that if he dwelled on it he would go insane.

That was probably too drastic, but so was he, so SCREW IT.

_Thousands of years ago, the Romans lived._

"Oh, big surprise," Damian said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Everyone stared at him for a second, then turned their attention back to Dick.

_Well, also during this time, there was a slave named… Terry. Life for slaves was tough, and they had almost nothing to eat._

"Wow, we didn't know that," Damian chimed in again.

_If they didn't work hard enough, they were thrown to the lions._

"We didn't learn this in school," Damian complained yet again, and Dick stood up.

"Alright, one question: are you a french fry??" He asked. Now everyone was staring at him.

"What?" Damian asked.

"Are you a french fry?" Dick repeated.

"No, I'm a human being. Why?"

"Because you're being salty," Dick said. Damian opened his mouth, thought for a moment, closed it again, opened it once more and closed it again. Dick sat back down.

_One day, Terry managed to escape. He ran for a long time, finally reaching a forest and giving his lungs the respect they deserved._

Jason pounded his fist against his chest twice and held up two fingers in the air.

_While he was lying down to sleep, so he could run some more, he heard growling. _

Wait… what did Dick say the story was called? Didn't it involve a lion?

_Terry sat back up and looked around for the source of the growling. When he turned around, there was a lion. _

"Who's the lion?" Tim asked, shooting his hand into the air. Dick could tell that Bruce was trying not to giggle at the sight.

Man. They were ALL children, and Alfred was the only adult around for miles! Dick was just realizing this.

"It's just a lion," Dick said. Tim pouted slightly.

"But he's an important part of the story! He HAS to have a name!" He protested.

"If we do name him, it'll be in vain. I probably wouldn't even mention it," Dick explained. To his surprise, the boys sighed in resignation.

When nothing else was said, Dick continued.

_Terry looked right at the lion and didn't run away. Instead he lifted its giant paw, which made it stop growling at him. The lion watched as Terry gently removed the thorn that was stuck. _

"Awwwwww," the boys all chimed in annoyingly.

I_t licked him and walked away._

_A couple weeks later, Terry was caught by the Romans and thrown into the Coliseum._

"Wait, the Coliseum? Shouldn't he be in-?" Damian interrupted his own sentence with a grudging thought.

"Oh," he said.

_When the gates were opened, a lion came running out and charged straight at Terry, who had the decency NOT to run away, but to duck down and throw his hands over his head. _

_Instead of getting eaten, thrown around, or trashed against a wall, there was a warm, wet sensation on his arm._

At first, Tim looked disgusted. But then his face broke out into a huge smile.

"Ok, that's adorable."

_When Terry looked, the lion was licking him! But it wasn't just any lion… it was THE lion. The one that he helped._

_Then the lion jumped up and ATE EVERYONE!!!_

Damian stood up and pretended to start eating Tim, who laughed and played right along. Jason looked around uncomfortably, because this reminded him of the whole "cannibalism" thing they suffered not too far back…

Dick looked a bit horrified himself. Clearly he did NOT approve of the lion eating everyone.

"The End," He said, Because what else could he do?"

"Dick, you alright? Why don't you want these lions to eat anyone?" Jason asked, Damian and Tim stopped laughing, which was a shame, since it appeared the only thing that could get them to get along was cannibalism,

"When I was 6 my parents took me to a carnival… this particular carnival wasn't very nice to its animals… I was petting a lion, I'm fairly sure the owner of the carnival was about to punch me in the face… and then the lion I was petting jumped on him and ate him," Dick said. Everyone gave him horrified looks.

"You were petting a lion?" Damian asked.

"That dude was about to punch a 6 year old in the face?" Tim asked.

"Without checking to see if he was ok?!" Jason exclaimed. Dick nodded slowly.

"And you, as a 6 year old child, saw a lion eat a person," Bruce clarified.

"Yep," Dick responded.

"What do you mean, 'wasn't very nice to its animals'?" Alfred asked.

"You should've seen that lion! It's ribs were showing right through his fur!"

Everyone looked absolutely horrified. There was bang from the front door, and everyone jumped.

"Hey guys! We're-"

Steph and Garfield looked around at the bats, who all had dangerous weapons in their hands.

"Ok, put down the pillows," Garfield said calmly. "We need to talk."

**_Linebreak_**

That carnival thing is most likely NOT canon, but I wanted Dick to have a reason to not want the lions eating people.

**Dick: oh, yes, thank you for traumatizing my hormonically challenged young mind, SWEET.**

**Me: oh, shut it, Grayson!**

Also, I has an Instagram. I post drawings and stuff, so if you're interested, find me @km_swit


	17. The Ugly Story Contest

Even from here, I can tell this is gonna be a fairly short chappie.

I'm just sitting here... watching my brother play Minecraft...

Dick: hey, Sweet!

Me: will you just go away?

Dick: depends... will it make you less cranky?

Me: depends, are you gonna stay if I say yes?

Dick: depends, is this gonna go on for much longer?

Me: just let me get to the story!!!

Dick: alright, alright. I'm staying. Enjoy it guys.

**_Line break_**

"What?!" Dick exclaimed. He didn't believe this, this couldn't be true…

"Yeah, EGGS and MILK!!!!!" Steph exclaimed. "We tried warning them, then pulling them away…"

"Then we tried statistics and facts!" Garfield exclaimed. He pulled up Google, typed in 'eggsmilk', and showed the results to the boys. "None of them listened!"

"Have they eaten anything yet?" Damian asked. Steph shook her head.

"I would've thought Barbara would know better, and it seems like she doesn't want to eat it, but at the same time she does!" She exclaimed. Dick thought for a moment.

"There might be something else going on here," he said. "Barbara DEFINITELY knows eggs and milk don't go together, so why is she willing to do it?"

"Mind control?" Garfield asked. Dick gave him a grim look.

"Even worse," he said. Everyone looked at him, pure terror on their faces.

"You don't mean?" Bruce asked. Dick nodded solemnly.

"Unfortunately, there is no other explanation," Dick answered him.

"What?" Tim asked. Normally, the bats could all read each other faster than a college professor reading a Dr. Seuss book, but today, he was totally and helplessly stumped.

"A dare."

**_Meanwhile, with the others_**

"Come on!"

"Do it!"

They had better get their money for this.

The Titans and the girls all got together last night and decided to eat out this morning. It would be nice to go somewhere in public without worrying about a bunch of males yelling and trying to kill each other, sometimes unintentionally.

Garfield and Steph wandered off somewhere down the line, probably to a toy store or something. They would call if anything was wrong, and besides, they could take care of themselves. Barbara wasn't as much of a worry-wart as Dick.

Kory even brought her daughter Mari along. Or, Mar'i, but for the sake of simplicity, let's just go with Mari.

This just meant they couldn't talk about… CERTAIN things.

"So, is dad alright?" Mari asked Cass. Cass had at least 4 years on her, being 17 and all. Mari was just Damian's age.

"He should he fine," she said. "It was a pretty bad headache, but I get the feeling that we had something to do with it…"

Mari giggled, still a bit worried about her father, but soothed for now. The two tuned in to Kory and Barbara's conversation.

"It was definitely the boys' fault," Barbara said. Kory giggled.

"What's that?" Rachel asked, pointing to a giant banner. The sign said "Stomach contest."

"Should we participate?" Barbara asked. "Who here has the strongest stomach?"

"Me," Kory said with a sigh. "I have three of them."

"What?" Mari asked, and Kory fixed her sentence quickly.

"Just a joke," was her excuse. Mari shrugged and studied the board.

"It says the contestant has to eat a combination of eggs and milk 5 times without throwing up."

Kory gulped.

"I am not participating in that alone."

She turned to Barbara.

"You are one of the most stubborn people in Gotham, second only to the rest of your family. I have the strongest stomach. What say you?" She asked. Barbara smirked.

"Sure. Why not?"

They signed up for it and walked away, intent on exploring while they waited. Garfield and Steph walked up to them.

"Hey guys! What'd you do while we were away?" Garfield asked.

"Uh, nothing," Kory said quickly. "Uh, we're going to…"

"Eat eggs and drink milk," Barbara interrupted. Kory gave her a horrified look, but she winked as though she knew what she was doing, which she probably did.

"WHAT?!?!?!?" Garfield and Steph exclaimed at the same time.

"Wait, are they going to be blended together?" Mari asked them.

"That's what the person at the front said," Kory told her. Garfield pulled out his phone and typed something in.

"Guys, you'll get a REALLY bad stomach ache!" Steph told them.

"Or you'll throw up!" Garfield told them. He showed them his phone screen, which was open on Google, and the two women just patted him on the head.

"Let's tell Dick," Steph whispered to Garfield, who nodded. The two took the first chance they got to sneak off and ran to the manor.

But that was this morning! Now was the time for action.

"Contestants, are you ready?" The person asked. He set down the blended eggs and milk in front of everyone. Kory gulped and Barbara stared at the distasteful blend.

"On your marks…"

Kory and Barbara took deep breaths.

"Get set…"

They reached for the drinks.

"Go!"

Just as the announcer shouted go, Garfield and Steph ran to the viewers area with the others. It was too late to stop them, so everyone just watched on in horror.

The glass reached their lips and immediately someone threw up. Kory gulped down her first glass quickly and was given another. Pretty soon she and Barbara were the only ones still standing, and they were neck-and-neck at 4 cups.

Barbara looked at Dick out the corner of her eye and winked, and Dick knew how she intended to win.

"Dammit, Babs," he mumbled, but Jason heard him and slapped his arm.

"Alfred, 9:00?" He reminded him, and Dick nodded.

Before the two girls drank their final cups, Barbara and Kory shook hands. Whoever won, won.

"Loser tells the next story," Barbara said with a smirk. Kory smirked back.

"Deal."

**_Lol ok jk here's the story now_**

Kory sat down in the Story Chair, unnerved by how she lost.

The two finished the 5th drink at the same time, but somehow, she threw up first. She's eaten some pretty weird foods… she grew up on another planet, after all.

But HOW did she LOSE??? She didn't have a human stomach, she should have been able to handle it!

Barbara cheered her victory. The prize was $100 and a bucket. They were confused at first, but during the car ride home, the bucket made much more sense.

"Alright Kory. What's the story?" Dick asked her. Jason snickered and mumbled "Kory Story."

"Uh… The Ugly Duckling," She said. Everyone got comfortable, with Mari sitting beside Dick, Damian on his other side, Bruce beside Damian and Alfred on Mari's other side. Jason and Tim had to share a chair.

Kory sighed.

_Once upon a time, there was a-_

She cut herself off mid sentence, confusing everyone.

"What's wrong, Kory?" Dick asked. Kory sighed again.

"Do I HAVE to change the characters?" She asked. Dick groaned.

"Guys, this is the LAST TIME," he said. Jason snickered and Dick sent a glare his way, but Jason just ignored it.

"Please, children, try not to debilitate Master Dick today," Alfred said. The boys agreed, but they all had stupid grins on their faces.

_Once upon a time, there was a momma duck who was waiting for her eggs to hatch. One after the other popped up, but the final one was much bigger and took much longer._

Kory didn't remember the story the best… when Dick was still Robin, he had told her this story. She remembered feeling really bad for the little chick, and admittedly, she understood how it felt… being from a different planet and all, she was used to somewhat strange looks and feeling alone. Maybe that's why Dick had told her the story, to make her feel better.

Kory smiled at the thought.

_When it finally hatched, the duck was a bit shocked that it didn't look anything like her babies. Her other kids were yellow little puff balls, while this one had crazy brown fuzz everywhere. It was bigger than the other chicks, but she accepted it anyway. _

Dick frowned slightly. This was a fairly sad story… and he told her the original. The version that Gothamites probably hadn't heard since the 80's.

_As they walked through the barnyard, the ugly duckling-_

"Roll credits," Jason mumbled. Damian heard him this time.

_Got all sorts of weird looks. _

Dick sank down in his seat, hoping that everyone had heard this version of the story before. Bruce, Alfred, and Barbara noticed his reaction and shared looks of worry.

_Mean comments were shot his way, and he ran off. He his in some reeds near the pond for about a couple months. Some hunters came along and-_

She was cut off with several gasps.

"Hunters?" Damian asked.

"You're lying," Cass stated.

"That's not how the story goes!" Steph exclaimed.

Kory gave Dick a confused look, who had practically sunk into the couch by this point.

"These are the ORIGINAL versions of the stories.. so, it did happen in the story… just not the version you're used to," Bruce said gently. The batkids (Damian, Steph, and Cass, with the exception today of Mari and Garfield) looked horrified, but sat still and listened to Kory nonetheless.

_Hunters came along with their hunting dogs. The little duckling burrowed deeper into the reeds, hoping to hide, and it worked. _

Collective sighs of relief from the batkids.

_Winter came around and the duckling was freezing. _

The batkids were on edge again.

_An old farmer came along and scooped up the little duckling. He took it home and nurtured it back to health. _

_Years passed, and the farmer's wife had to kick him out. He was just too clumsy! This meant that the duckling was back outside, where animals would give it weird looks and mean comments. _

_He went back down by the pond and saw two beautiful swans swimming around. They asked him to join them, and they had to ask a second time because he hesitated. When he bent down to enter the water, he saw that he was a beautiful swan as well. He happily joined he other two in the water._

"The End," Kory finished. The batkids released another collective sigh of relief. Kory's communicator went off, along with Garfield's, Rachel's, and Damian's. Mari raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, what's that?" She asked. Kory cleared her throat.

"Uh, we're needed somewhere… business meeting," she said quickly. Dick smirked at her.

"Mari can stay here with us and become a part of this insanity," he said to her. Mari giggles and Kory glared half-heartedly at him.

"Please mom?" Mari begged. "I promise I won't give dad a migraine!"

This made Kory laugh and she agreed. The Titans left, but Damian stayed behind.

"Shouldn't you he going with them?" Mari asked him. He just shrugged.

"Meh, Is rather sit here and drive your father insane."

"Alright!" Dick exclaimed merrily, sitting in the Story Chair. Nobody noticed he had gotten up.

"Time to introduce Bruce, Alfie, and Maria to the crazy that is me telling a story!"

Bruce looked at Alfred and Mari with sympathy. Mostly Mari, though. She had no idea just how crazy her dad could get.

"Our next story is-drumroll please- The Three Billy Goats Gruff."

**_Line break_**

Mari doesn't know her parents and their aquiantences are superheroes, and they'd like to keep it that way (for now.)

Barbara knew that Gar and Steph would run off and tell the bats, and she was counting on their presence to activate her stubbornness so she had a better chance of winning.

I've heard versions of the Ugly Duckling where the swan didn't almost freeze to death. Instead, he ran into the woods and got lost.

Maria is Mari. Dick just wanted to get their names wrong or crazy.

**_Meep_**

Jason: hope you guys enjoyed.

Me: now you're here too?!

Dick: don't look at me!

Jason: I followed Dickie. Sup?

Dick: Jay...

Jason: Dick is a bad storyteller!

Me: I'll bet anything he'll make you cry in the future.

Jason: how do you-WHAT STORY IS IT?!?!!?

Me: uh... bye!

Jason: Sweet, get back here!

Dick: this is taking too long. Bye guys! I'll try and stop Jason from killing Sweet!


	18. The Three Cheeky Bully Bats

YES COMPUTATION OF THE COMPUTER!

That's not to say there weren't some complications...

But YES!

Dick: Sweet, calm down. It's just a computer.

I had so many pages on my document, like... 40 pages, with roughly 14,713 words on it. (I use Word) It wouldn't save whatever I typed by that point, so I had to create a new document, and guess what? It now has 35 pages, with 12,900 words. I think I have a problem.

This is probably a short chapter, but I can't tell from here, sooo...

Jason: is she ignoring us?

Also, I just recently realized this, but the last chapter had a VULGAR amount of typos! I blame it on auto-check.

Dick: Most likely.

* * *

_Once upon a time-_

The door burst open and Wally and Roy came crashing to the floor. The bats all grumbled, but Dick had an admittedly creepy (worrying, in the bats' p.o.v) smile on his face.

"Hey, guys! Long time no see!"

"Dick, NO TROLLING!" Roy shouted, pointing an accusatory finger at him as he got off the floor. Wally was right behind him.

"What? Trolling?" Dick asked innocently, giving off a fake laugh (and throwing in some slight cackling, just enough to scare Wally and Roy and confuse/worry the bats even more than they currently were.)

"Yeah, trolling," wally said, holding up his phone. "Kory texted me-and Roy, apparently-that there was something going on in here, and that Dick may or not feel entitled to troll!"

"Well, too late," Damian said to him. "We've already banned him form telling stories once."

"Yeah... Rumpelstiltskin, wasn't it?" Barbara asked, thinking back on it. Those who were present for said story glared at Dick.

"Admit it, none of you saw that coming," Dick said, a big grin on his face.

Mari just looked at everyone, totally confused. She cast a glance at Bruce, who looked just as confused.

"Tell you what," Dick said, turning his attention back to his two oldest friends. "You guys stay and listen to a few stories. That way, you can decide for yourselves whether this whole thing is a good idea."

"Knowing you, nothing is a good idea," Roy said, but the two got comfortable anyway.

"Where was I?" Dick wondered.

_Once upon a time, there were three billy goats named Tim, Jason, and Damian._

Said boys glared at Dick.

_They usually spent their time eating grass by the river, probably hating each other. Who knows?_

Dick shot a smug, and yet very innocent, look at his brothers and Mari giggled. She couldn't see why everyone was so worked up. It was just a story.

_One random day, they decided that they would cross the bridge over the river, and see if the saying about the grass being greener or something was true. Damian stepped onto the bridge first, because he didn't think it looked very strong, and he wanted to see if it was safe._

_But they also didn't know that there was a mean and grumpy old troll who lived under the bridge-_

Three pairs of hands shot into the air, and Dick sighed.

"I've already planned out who the troll is, sorry guys," Dick told them.

"Is it you?" Tim asked bluntly. Jason snickered, and Wally nodded his head in agreement.

"Haha, very funny," Dick said sarcastically. Then he smiled at them evilly, and the boys all shut up. "This troll is based on... RECENT events."

_He cut Damian off halfway across the bridge._

_"Well well well, what have we here? Sandy Claus? Hawoo! I'm really scared!"_

Barbara and Wally opened their mouths to join in, but they were stopped by Roy, who slapped his hands over their mouths.

"Grayson!" Damian yelled, and Dick couldn't help but cackle. This caused Damian, Tim, Jason, Cass, and Steph to go into bat-mode for the third time that week, and Dick started rolling around on the floor in laughter. Mari blinked once, very slowly. Now she understood why everyone was so worried.

Dick finally clamed down and sat back up in the story chair. He giggled for a couple more seconds, cleared his throat, and took a deep breath. Everyone else had calmed down too, for the most part.

_The troll, aka Slade-_

Wally and Roy glared and grimaced, and the bats figured that these two knew about Slade...

Dick winked at Damian, confirming the suspicion.

_Wanted to eat Damian._

_"Imma eat you!" Slade roared, trying to grab Damian._

_The little goat just stood there and said, very calmly, "I'm too small. My brother is bigger, if you wanna wait for him."_

_Then he skipped cheekily to the other side of the bridge._

_Tim and Jason had been watching and smirked at each other._

"Can goats smirk?" Mari asked. Dick looked at her.

"Are pickles considered salty?"

"What does that have to do with my-?"

"Exactly."

Steph threw a pillow at him, remembering that he had pulled the same thing on her during the Rumpelstiltskin story.

_Tim crossed the bridge next. Slade popped up, once again._

_"Imma gonna eat you!" he roared, a little more angrily this time. Tim pretended to be bored and told him, "I'm not much bigger than my little brother. I'm sure you've met him, he was just here. Our big brother, on the other han-hoof, is bigger, so he would add a little KICK to your breakfast."_

_The he walked calmly to the other side and joined Damian._

_Jason started his way across the bridge, and Slade was REALLY hungry._

_"Imma-"_

_"Eat you?" Jason finished for him. "By all means, go ahead."_

_He stood there and tried to look appetizing, even walking closer and closer to the troll. When they were roughly two feet apart, Jason reared up and kicked him in the-uh, where the sun don't shine._

There were a lot of sympathetic 'oohs' shared across the room, and they looked at each other in misery. That poor, rude troll. That had to hurt.

_Slade jumped into the river and floated away, grabbing onto his... badinkadink. Jason joined his brothers on the other side of the bridge, and declared their question of 'the grass is always greener' finished with. Then they crossed the bridge again and went home._

"The End," Dick finished.

"He deserved it," Cass said, rather heartlessly.

"He didn't troll anyone..." Wally said in shock.

"No, but he did seem to torture all of them," Roy pointed out, gesturing to the bats who started the stories.

"Wow... a lot of stuff makes sense now," Mari said.

"Like what?" Damian asked her.

"Like those two," Mari said, pointing at Wally and Roy.

"Mari, those two will never make sense," Jason told her, and Mari laughed.

"Next story is The Greedy Dog," Dick said. "And I have the perfect person in mind for this one."

* * *

Nightmare Before Christmas reference, in case you didn't catch it!

Happy almost Halloween! Because if it isn't December, I'm a Scrooge.


	19. Two Birds with One Stone

Dick: wow. I'm in a particularly trolly mood today.

Me: don't get any ideas.

Jason: Hey, listen-

Me: I will sick Alfred on you.

Jason: never mind.

**_Line Break_**

"You guys most likely don't know this guy," Dick said. "I saw him YEARS ago, and I barely remember him."

"Who?" Jason asked. Dick thought for a moment.

"Well, Tim met him… I think..."

"Who?" Jason pressed.

"I dunno... Actually, he DID meet him!"

"WHO?!" Jason exclaimed. Dick smirked slightly, almost invisible, and Jason threw a pillow at him. Invisible enough to miss, but visible enough for everyone to see.

"Dammit, Dick!" Jason shouted, and he froze. All eyes turned first to Mari, since she didn't curse as far as they knew, then they turned to Alfred who, though appearing expressionless, was standing in a smug sort of posture.

"I'm afraid that's either $5 or 1 week," Alfred said calmly. Jason quickly shoved a $5 bill into Alfred's pocket.

"So, who is he?" Damian asked. He resisted the urge to laugh at the expression on Jason's face.

"Larfleeze," Dick said. He got all sorts of blank looks, except from Bruce and Barbara, though it took her a second to remember the name.

"Agent Orange?" she asked, just to be sure. Dick nodded, and Tim's eyes widened in realization.

"Oh. That guy."

"Yep. That guy," Dick said.

"Who?" Mari asked again, and Dick remembered that she had no idea about their night shift.

He felt a small bit of mischief ignite. He wondered how long he could hold it over her head while dropping hints all over the place. Not to mention, the others would probably freak every time he said something that could reveal them.

Oh, this story was going to be fun.

His only regret was not thinking of this sooner. He was fine with doing it to his daughter... maybe she could pull the same stunt on her mom when she returned.

This was getting better and better!

"Just an old friend," Dick said nonchalantly. He could see Tim flinch in the corner of his eye. "Well, more of an enemy of a friend of ours."

"That's explanatory," Damian said.

"Yeah, probably TMI," Jason said, casting a glance at Mari. She frowned in thought.

Dick smirked. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHA!!!!

"Well, I might as well get to the story."

_Once upon a time, there lived a very greedy dog. I don't see what was so greedy about him. He was more 'spoiled' in my opinion. His name was Larfleeze. _

_One day, he wandered into a meat shop. He saw a big, juicy steak. He wanted it._

"I thought steak wasn't good for dogs," Damian said. Tim shook his head.

"Nah, that's chicken. Steak is ok for them, but you still shouldn't feed it steak all the time."

"Oh ok."

_An unimportant old woman came in and started ordering all the meats she laid her eyes on. If anyone deserved the title of 'greedy,' in this story, it's her. Anyway, while the butcher was distracted by her, Larfleeze jumped up and grabbed the steak. He ran out of the shop before anyone could tell what had happened._

_After running for a couple of blocks, he stopped in a nice, comfy spot by the river. He bent down to get a drink of the river, but he saw another dog with another piece of steak as big as his!_

"Who's the other dog?" Jason asked, his hand shooting into the air.

"You'll see," Dick said, winking mysteriously at him.

_He jumped in to grab the dog, and maybe steal a bite of its steak while he was at it, but it turned out to be an ALLIGATOR AND IT ATE HIM!!!!!_

"The End," Dick said. Everyone stared at him in shock and horror at this ending, and Dick bursted out laughing.

"T-that's not how the story-HAHAHA-actually ends!!!" he exclaimed through laughter. Everyone glared at him, but he was still laughing too hard to do anything.

"You little-!"

Suddenly he was barraged with pillows. This only succeeded in making him laugh harder. It didn't help when he felt a different pressure on him.

"G-get off!!!" he laughed.

"No," replied Damian's stern answer. He reached up and tickled Damian where he knew he was weakest-right in the stomach. The usually stoic child burst into laughter and fell against Dick, who would only stop if Damian got off him.

Tim took this opportunity to grab Damian. He tried pulling the young boy off Dick, because he wanted to hear the real ending to this story, but Damian wouldn't budge.

But his arms started flailing around, accidentally reaching Tim in his tickle spot, and he fell on top of the two in laughter. Now they were all on the floor laughing. Jason looked around at everyone else and shrugged, like screw it. He jumped right on top of the three boys and joined in the laughter, which had only grown once he jumped.

They stayed like this for a while, the birds just… giggling in a mess on the floor. After a while, they managed to calm down, with Tim and Jason having teamed up with Damian against Dick.

"The real ending, please?" Steph asked, a little freaked. I mean, the boys were getting ALONG! Well, Dick gets along with everyone… but the others!!!!!

"Oh, right," Dick said, having forgotten all about the story. "Uh…"

_The other dog was actually just him. He was seeing his reflection. So he jumped in, not realizing it, and is probably still there to this day._

"The End… this time," Dick said. He almost didn't take a breath, and the boys were horrified with the thought that Dick had recited the ending for the original story.

Dick glanced at the clock and grimaced.

"What's wrong?" Wally asked him. Dick turned his attention to him.

"It's almost time for lunch," he said, casting a glance at Alfred, who nodded.

"So?" Wally asked. There was a knock at the door and in walked Selena. Dick smirked.

"You're late."

"Got busy," she responded. Terry walked in behind her, looking slightly uncomfortable, but ready for whatever insanity Dick had cooked up.

"Let's try and get in one more story before lunch," Dick suggested. Selena and Terry looked confused, but they sat by Bruce, who explained everything to them.

"This one is the Cat and the Mouse," Dick said. He noticed Wally glaring at Selena.

"What's wrong?"

"Why does SHE have to be here?"

Everyone (aside from Dick, Roy, Bruce, Barbara, Selena, and Alfred, of course) looked really confused.

"Because," Dick said. Wally waited for more, but Dick made himself comfortable in his chair.

"Because, what?" Wally demanded. Dick looked at him in mock warning.

"Keep putting up a fight. You WILL regret it," he promised. Wally crossed his arms and Dick thought to himself before grinning wide.

"Roy, Wally, Rock Paper Scissors!" He exclaimed. The two looked confused, but, Dick being Dick, they decided to do it. Wally won.

"Congrats, Wally! You've just doomed yourself to five years in Hell," Dick said happily. Wally opened his mouth to say something, though he wouldn't have been heard over the laughter of the bats. Alfred didn't even say anything, to literally everyone's surprise.

_Once upon a time, there was a mouse named Wally. _

Said boy's eyes widened. When the story started, everyone silenced. Dick smirked inwardly. He knew he would get the others to be children… eventually. Because he ALWAYS wins.

Always.

_He lived in a mouse hole in a church all by himself. Well, actually, a cat lived there too. Her name was Selena. _

She didn't try too hard to hide her intrigue. The bats snickered, saying something about a farmer and a talking fish. She pretended not to hear it.

_Living in the same general area, Wally and Selena had run into each other on multiple occasions, usually ending with Wally running away on account of not liking Selena. Because, you know, CAT AND MOUSE. _

_One day, Selena knocked on Wally's non-existent door. _

_"Hello?" Wally poked his head out of the hole to see Selena._

_"Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to set up a home with me?" Selena asked him._

The two real-life versions glared at each other. They really did NOT like the other.

"Why do you two seem to want to tear each other apart?" Damian asked.

"And, if you do, could you wait? I need some popcorn," Jason said. Tim slapped his arm.

"Oh… I can tell you that through story," Dick assured then. Wally looked uneasy, as if he really didn't want Dick to relay that story… or, at least, his version.

_"We could live up in the bell tower and share the food."_

_Now, food was scarce in that old church. They barely fed the cat, and Wally being a mouse, scrounged around for food, so he was tempted._

_But he remembered something about cats. He was friends with a bird._

Wally groaned and Selena averted her eyes. Terry looked shocked for a moment but didn't say anything.

_This is gonna sound really confusing, but since I promised to ruin your lives, I've gotta do it. So, that bird's father was a bat. The bird and Wally were best friends, but then the bat met a cat, who also kinda started being a parent to the bird. Wally didn't trust the cat, because she wasn't always the best thing, and she didn't like Wally, because she had trust issues. So, Wally didn't like cats. _

Barbara, in a moment of panic, studied Mari, who didn't say anything. She just looked REALLY confused.

Bruce and Selena glanced at each other, then turned their flustered looks toward Dick.

"So… I'm going to assume that you weren't just trying to ruin our lives," Bruce said uneasily. Dick grinned winningly.

"I would never do that to my parents," he said in an overly innocent voice that just screamed "bow down and beg for mercy."

_Back to the story. Wally didn't like cats. But, he wanted food (as always) so he and Selena combined their money to get a bunch of food. _

"How did they-?"

"Before you finish that question, Dami, you must remember that we've come face-to-face with talking oatmeal pots, nighttime slumber parties, frogs with anger issues, a dude who was captured by a giant eagle, a straw-spinning gold making man, two elves in loincloths, a $100 bill hidden under two mattresses, a talking fish, Superman being an arrogant asshole-"

He shoved $5 in Alfred's direction without even taking a break.

"-a cat get its tail cut off in a door, Tim lose $100-"

Tim blushed a bright shade of red. Dick was still going.

"-a pig buy bricks from a wagon, a kid cuddle with a lion, a swan suffering depression, a goat kick a troll in the nuts, and a dog who thought his reflection was another dog," Dick finally finished. "Do NOT question how these animals have CURRENCY!!!"

Everyone stared at Dick in shock.

"Now that that's out of the way," Dick said, as if nothing totally strange and over-the-top had just happened, "Where was I?"

_Selena and Wally agreed to wait until Winter before touching their rations. Well, that didn't last very long. _

_Selena got hungry. She walked up to Wally and said that he brother had just had a kit and she wanted to attend the baby shower. Wally said sure, and Selen_a _headed downstairs and ate a third of the rations. _

"Ooooooooooooooooooooo," cooed the Bats.

_When she got back upstairs Wally asked her what the kit's name was. She said Topoff._

Tim snickered. He sat back up and gestured for Dick to continue.

_A couple days later, Selena decided she wanted more. She went to Wally and said that her sister had a kit. Obviously, Wally let her go, and obviously, she just ate another third of the rations. When Wally asked, she said the kitten's name was Halfempty. _

Then Jason snickered.

_Selena wanted more AGAIN and-_

**Went to Wally about another kitten.**

Dick and Jason just looked at each other before bursting into laughter.

_"Oh, my niece's brother's mom just had a kitten, I should get going!" said Selena, and Wally let her. Instead of visiting her niece's brother's mom, she ate the last of the rations. When Wally asked, she said the kitten's name was Allgone._

Now Damian snickered.

_After about a week, Wally started feeling hungry. He and Selena went to check on the rations, but Wally chose them to figure out the weird names and the constant disappearances._

_"You've been eating all the rations!" He screamed. Selena shrugged and tried to catch him, but Wally ran back to his old mouse-hole._

"The End."

He got a lot of stares.

"I appreciate that you're trying to stick to the original stories," Steph said. "But you couldn't at least give us a good ending?"

"Nope!" Dick said, popping the 'p.' "Come on, it's time for lunch."

**_Line Break_**

Hope you guys enjoyed this mess of a chapter.

Dick: Sweet, will you be mad if I brought someone here?

Me: I guess it depends on who it is.

Wally: wassup?

Me: die in a hole.

Jason: been there, done that. Not very fun, OR effective.


	20. The Star Steph and the Wayne’s Goats

Hai guys, I'm still alive.

Dick: a feat with which we deemed impossible.

Shut up. There's a Halloween Special if you wanna read it. Enjoy! (And I'm sorry about any typos, rip)

**_Line Break_**

Lunch consisted of arguing, trolling, an exploding steak, and an all-out food war (not necessarily in that order.) Now they were back in the living room, covering everything in steak sauce, though whether its an accident or on purpose, we may never know.

"Ok," Dick said, clapping his hands. Some steak sauce flew from his right hand, hitting Damian on the forehead. He just giggled childishly, then regained his no-nonsense composure.

"The next story is the Star Maiden and the Flax Flowers."

"How do you know so many stories?" Mari asked him. Dick was a little taken aback that she asked, but he smiled and answered her, nonetheless.

"When I was living at the circus, we traveled to a lot of different places. Since I was just a little kid, grown-ups told me all sorts of stories… some of which are a bit Rated R, and should not have been heard by my 6-year-old ears…"

Some of them chuckled half-heartedly.

"But I got to learn all sorts of different culture's stories, and that is why, on this day, three days ago, I am trollishly passing this knowledge on to you."

He bowed, and the batboys (Jason, Tim, Damian) clapped dramatically. Barbara rolled her eyes, but she had a small smile on her face and her shoulders were bouncing slightly. The other girls started giggling, and Bruce looked like he wanted to die. Mari and Terry (hehe, rhyme) were confused.

Dick stood back up straight.

"Thank you, and may the odds be ever in your favor."

Everyone started laughing. Well, except Bruce and Alfred. Alfred was amused, you could tell, but Bruce still looked like he wanted to die.

"Just get to the story," he groaned.

_Once upon a time, there was a small child named..._

Dick studied everyone in the room for a moment, his eyes finally resting on Damian. Said boy glared and Dick grinned wide.

_Damian. He lived with his unimportant, unnamed mother as a goat herder._

"I've already played the part of a goat," Damian said. "It almost feels like betraying my kind."

"But... you weren't actually a goat," Tim said, sounding slightly panicked. Damian shrugged.

"I dunno. I kind of liked being called a goat."

"Why?" Jason asked him.

"Because, it means I get to watch Jason kick trolls in the nuts," he said. Dick looked like he was choking, and Jason and Tim started laughing.

"Continue... PLEASE," Bruce said, almost begging.

_One day, as he was coming back home from letting the goats graze, his mom pointed out that two of the goats were missing. Damian was really confused, because he knew for a fact that all of them were following him._

_Instead of dwelling on it like a normal person, he went outside and started looking for the goats._

"He better," said Damian.

_It was getting dark out, and he wanted to be able to get to them before the wolves could. He climbed to the very top of the hill, not seeing them anywhere._

Damain looked a little distressed. Maybe he liked goats more than he was letting on.

"Are goats your favorite animal?" Tim asked him. Damian looked like he was going to deny it for a second but sighed in resignation and nodded.

"I was happy being a goat," he admitted. He was expecting a lot of laughter, but instead, Tim just smiled at him warmly. He was a little confused, but decided to be more grateful than confused.

_It was daylight by the time he reached the top, but he still hadn't seen the goats. He was about to head back when he heard the feint bleating of a baby goat._

Damian seemed to cheer up and Dick smiled at him. It soon turned evil, and Damian remembered that this was DICK, very deserving of his nickname in _more ways than one. _

_He followed the sound, eventually finding a cave that he had never seen there before. There, at the entrance of the cave, was two goats with bells around their necks. _

Damian looked relieved, then frowned. Now, for the troll. They all knew it was coming. Damian cast a glance at Steph to see her hand resting casually on a pillow. He did the same.

_Behind them was a female. She was blonde with blue eyes._

Steph's arm twitched. She was ready to throw.

_The goats ran up to Damian, who was studying the cave. It was filled with gems and jewels, and gold!_

"Quick, Damian: if you were gonna get a reward for doing something, what would you get-?" Dick said.

"THE DEATHS OF ALL MY ENEMIES," Damian said. He remembered Mari was there, and probably horrified by his answer, and wrote it off as kidding.

"-Flowers or gold..." Dick finished. Damian's eyes widened and he looked down in thought. After a moment, he came up and said, "Are goats an option?"

"Uh... how about, either of those plus a goat," Dick said. Damian shrugged.

"I'll take the flowers," he said. "I don't think goats can eat gold."

Dick smirked at him.

_"Hello, Damian," said the girl. Damian turned his attention to her. "I am Stephanie."_

Steph glared harder, but it was undermined by her curiosity. The story itself might not be a troll, if he used her full name.

_"I've watched you take care of your goats for years, now. I'm the protector of children and animals, because, you know, there isn't much difference."_

Everyone snickered. This was too true.

_"When I saw that your goats wandered off, I led them here. Because of how you've taken care of them, I've decided to offer you a reward; anything you want in this cave!"_

_Damian looked around and thought for a moment. Sure, it was tempting, but he had noticed some flowers at the front of the cave-really beautiful ones, that were a really pure blue. _

"That's why you asked," Damian realized. Dick smiled at him (again) and Damian returned it. "Do I still get to keep the goat?"

"You get two of them, Dami," Dick assured him. Damian looked really happy.

_"I would like those flowers at the front of the cave," he said. He and his mom already had everything they needed-plenty of food and water, a roof over their heads, goats. Stephanie smiled at him. She reached into her pocket and pulled out two tiny seeds, handing them to Damian._

_"Plant these when you get back down the hill," she said. "I created these flowers. They're called flax flowers, because that's a real name."_

_"Thank you," Damian said. "Could you take me back down the hill? It took me twelve hours to climb up."_

_"Lol, NOPE. Have fun!" And with that, she disappeared. _

_Damian walked the goats back down the hill, meaning it was nighttime when he got down. He planted the seeds, and the next morning, they grew into those beautiful blue flowers._

"The End," Dick said, and everyone looked calm and at peace.

"Well, you certainly are a good storyteller," Selena said. Wally glared at her and grudgingly agreed.

"Thanks," Dick said, blushing slightly.

"I'm hungry," Jason said. Mari's eyes widened at him.

"But... we just ate lunch," she said. Jason shrugged.

"Doesn't mean I can't still be hungry."

He got up and walked into the kitchen. They could hear the cabinet sqeak open, then slam shut. The sound of the microwave opening and closing, then beeping, then they heard it start up. There was a bunch of popping sounds, leading them to believe that Jason was making popcorn. After about a minute ("Just a minute? What kind of popcorn is he making?!" -Tim) the microwave beeped and they heard the door open and close again. Jason came back into the room, holding not one, not two, but twelve bags of unopened, fully popped popcorn.

"How are you carrying all that?" Roy asked in awe.

"Who cares?!" Wally told him. "How did all that fit in the microwave?!"

"I'm talented," Jason said. "Wǒ shì biān fúwǒ bì xū yōng yǒu wǒ de mì mì." (I'm a bat. I have to have my secrets.)

Dick smirked at him.

"Gōng píng," he said. (Fair.) Mari looked thoroughly confused. So did Wally and Roy, but they assumed it had something to do with being bats.

"Ok, before we get any further off track, the next story is-"

There was a loud bang at the door, and the lights switched off, leaving them all in darkness.

**_Halloween Special-Happy Halloween!!!_**

"Oh, sh-"

"Master Jason, you would do well to remember to watch your language."

"What happened?

"Guys, just open-"

"SOMEONE HACKED THE SYSTEM!!!"

"Why is it so dark?"

"Just open the-"

"Dick trolled us too many times!"

"Hey!"

"Guys?"

"It's true!"

"Fine."

A bright, blinding light retracted into the whole room, and Dick hissed a bit dramatically.

"Open. The. Blinds," Mari said, standing by the blinds. Everyone had the decency to look embarrassed (except Alfred, who was looking a stoic as ever.)

"Why did the power go out?" Damian asked. Bruce headed toward the back, intent on sneaking into the batcave. Mari caught him sneaking off and decided to follow.

"Ooh, I bet I could get a real good scary story in here," Dick said. He grabbed his phone and turned on the flashlight. He then walked over and closed the blinds.

"Everyone, sit down. This is gonna be fun!" he said. Being a bat, he managed to sneak back around to the Story Chair without making a sound, and without being noticed. When everyone finally realized he had moved, they sat down on their chairs.

"You guys know Casper, right?" Dick asked. Jason scoffed.

"Of course."

"He's a friendly ghost, right?"

"Yeah," Damian said, rolling his hand. Dick smiled evilly which, admittedly, was creepy in the white light of his flashlight.

_I've lived here for years, right? Well, I had a TV in my room when I first moved in. If you looked, you wouldn't see it there now. One night, when I was trying to sleep, I was feeling particularly paranoid. I kept hearing the manor creak, not to mention the fact that it was raining outside._

Barbara looked like she recognized this story. Damian noticed this, and a knot of panic started forming in his chest, but he squashed it down. It was inadequate. This was just a freaking story.

_There's a bathroom down the hall from my room. On that night, I swear on my grave, I saw someone walk into the bathroom and close the door. I crawled out of my bed and went to Bruce's room, but it was locked. I figured that maybe Bruce was the one who walked into the bathroom._

Tim started illogically panicking, too. It was literally impossible for this story to be real, and it wasn't even that freaky yet. Why was he so scared?

_The bathroom door didn't open again. I crawled into my blanket. As I was lying there, freaking out, the TV turned on._

Jason tried to hide his panic with a scoff.

"Seriously? You decided to watch TV?"

But Dick only smiled wider. If the story was creepy, it was nothing compared to his unnerving smile-especially when shadows highlighted it.

_Bruce came into the room, disproving the bathroom theory. He told me to turn it off, but I told him I couldn't. I didn't have the remote. It was on my dresser, on the other side of the room._

_Bruce didn't believe me, and he took the remote with him when he turned off the TV._

"See? Even father wasn't scared," Damian said. Wally and Roy gulped, both remembering the story now. Dick had told it to them, and they were still a bit freaked out.

_The TV turned on again, but Bruce didn't come into the room this time. I crawled out of bed and tried to get to Bruce's room, but it was still locked. I made sure to close my closet and I checked under my bed. I crawled back into my bed and brought the covers over my head. I was THAT scared._

_My door started slowly creeping closed. It's an old manor, and back then, the doors weren't oiled, so it made a really loud creaking noise. Out of curiosity, I peeked overtop my sheets and saw a vague shadow standing beside the door. I couldn't find anything that could be causing the shadow, but as soon as I blinked, I lost sight of it. _

_There's also a shadow right beside my bed. No matter what, I can't get rid of it. He's a hunched over figure, with twisted hands. _

Dick could tell his family was starting to get freaked out. He wanted to keep going with the things that happened that night, but at the same time, he wanted to stop right there.

He was spared the decision by the power turning back on.

"No!" Jason exclaimed. "What happened next?!"

"Guess we'll never know," Dick said.

"Does this count as part of your 100 Stories?" Barbara asked. Damian looked around and Dick shook his head.

"Nah, it doesn't-"

"Where's Mini Grayson and father?" Damian interrupted. Everyone looked around for Mari and Bruce.

"Don't worry, we're right here," Bruce said, entering the room with Mari on his shoulders. "Someone jut decided to turn off one of the breakers."

"Oh. Who?" Barbara asked. Bruce shrugged.

"Dunno. Probably just some kid. What'd we miss?"

"Oh, nothing much," Dick said. "Now, the next story is How Jumbo Went to the Moon."

**_Line Break_**

All of those things actually happened to me. The one with the bathroom was with my brother, and we were terrified. One that I didn't include was when we were pretending to be Ghost Hunters and our parents were asleep on the couch. We walked into the kitchen, and everyone sound just... stopped. It really freaked us out.

And the TV thing happened to my brother. It turned on and off like 10 times, and our dad saw it eventually. I've come to name he shadow over my bed "Tom."

If they didn't freak you out, that's fine. I'm the older sibling, and I couldn't have been older than 8 when all this happened to us. HAPPY HALLOWEEN, or, for those of you who prefer it from Dick's POV-

Dick: Hey!

HOPPY HALLOWEIRD!!!!!!!!!


	21. How Garfield Dug a Hole

Previously:

Power outage. Mari follows Bruce while Dick scared his brothers. Power comes back on.

Back to our regularly scheduled program.

**_Line Break_**

"Grandpa Bruce? What are you doing?"

Mari decided it would be a good idea to follow Bruce during the power outage to see where he was going. She had followed him all the way into the piano room to see him pulling at the old grandfather clock on the wall.

"Agh! Oh… uh, Mari, hi!"

He looked nervous and a little frightened, and Mari wondered what she had caught him in the act of doing. She was about to ask, but the clock clicked and slid to the right, revealing a set of stairs leading downward into darkness.

"What's in there?" She asked him.

"Uh… the basement?" Bruce said, but it sounded more like a question. Mari frowned, something she doesn't often do. She headed towards Bruce and the stairs, but Bruce blocked her path.

"Ah, you really don't wanna go down there. It's dark, it's moist, and it's creepy-"

There was a sound coming from the bottom, like banging. Now Bruce looked concerned. He ran downstairs, Mari right on his heels. He stopped just before reaching the last step and turned to her, putting a finger to his lips.

When she peeked over the side, she could see why. There was someone down here, though she couldn't see the person very well. It looked like a "he" with black hair and a blue suit. Bruce creeped slowly into the cavern-like area, gesturing for Mari to stay back.

She saw Bruce pull something out of his pocket, but she didn't get a chance to see what it was. Bruce walked over to a wall, pulling something.

After he pulled it, he made his way slowly behind the stranger and stayed there. The lights came back on quickly, and Bruce jumped the guy.

"Wait! It's me!"

Once Mari's vision cleared, she saw that Bruce had tackled Superman. She was going to ask what Superman was doing in Bruce Wayne's basement when she caught sight of what the basement actually was.

High tech computer. Weapons wall. Glass cases full of suits.

Holy shit. This was the bat cave. Her grandfather, the cool and collected (and also childish at times) Bruce Wayne was the freaking Batman.

"Clark? What the hell are you doing down here? And why did you trip the power?!"

"Sorry, sorry! I don't have night-vision!" Superman cried. Mari was a little shocked that Superman seemed so scared of Bruce, but if Bruce was Batman, then it was justified.

"Wait here… the others will be wondering where we are," Bruce growled. He walked briskly back to Mari, who was shocked and confused.

"Come back down here with me later when I talk to Superman," he told her quietly. "I can explain everything then. And YOU-"

He gestured to Superman.

"STAY. HERE. And be more careful."

Superman nodded vigorously and Bruce and Mari headed back upstairs to join the others.

**_Line Break_**

_Once upon a time, there lived a dog named Garfield._

Mari's hand shot into the air.

"Yes?"

"Why is Uncle Gar the dog?"

Dick panicked slightly, but took advantage of the situation quickly.

"Because he likes dirt."

"Oh."

_He had two owners who were brothers. Victor and-_

**_Dick! Victor and Dick!!!_**

Dick glared at Barbara, who looked as innocent as ever, despite her loud and obvious outburst.

"What?" she asked sweetly. Everyone just ignored _her, and she high-fived Cass._

_I guess, somehow, I'm Victor's brother. Great._

Now that Dick was one of the stars, he just wanted to get this story over with.

"What's wrong, Dickie?" Jason asked in a taunting voice. "Don't wanna tell it, now?"

"Cause I'll happily take over," Barbara joined in. Wally and Roy looked horrified, and Terry, Selena, and Mari looked genuinely amused, much to Dick's horror.

"Nope, no way, that is OUT of the question," he said. Tim snickered and he and Jason high-fived. Dick loved it when his siblings got along, but not as much when they did it to get at him...

_One day, Vic and I went out to find a place to build a house. _

Dick groaned.

"Nice first person," Mari said. Dick couldn't tell if she was trolling him or being honest.

He decided on 'no comment.'

_We came across this really clear patch of land beside a stream and a forest. We decided to build our house here, along with Garfield, who was their-I mean, our dog. _

Barbara snickered at his slip-up and he glared at her.

_We started chopping down trees to start on the house when a giant roared at us to leave his forest._

Dick put on a deep, gravelly voice, calling on his inner-Batman, which made Bruce blush.

_"I am the guardian of this forest," he roared. "Leave now, or I will eat you!"_

_So they-I mean, we- ran away as fast as we could. When we finally stopped, we realized that if we wanted to live in that clearing, we would need to get rid of the giant._

A hand shot into the air. Dick sighed.

"Lemme guess..."

"Who's the giant?" Steph asked him. Dick sighed and thought for a minute. Nobody here was really appealing to him... a tiny thought was nagging at the back of his mind... he sighed in resignation and hoped his family wouldn't become murderous again.

"Ssssssllllllllaaaadddeeeee," he said slowly, watching as everyone's faces (except Terry, Alfred, Selena, and Mari) turned to pure fire. He saw Tim start taking deep breaths to calm himself down, Jason ran out of the room (this was followed by the sound of a gunshot, glass breaking, and a lot of cussing) and Damian sat there with his eyes closed. Since Bruce was Batman, he managed to show the calmest, but chances were he was still feeling like murder was an option.

The girls leaned toward each other and seemed to be having a conversation in Chinese, and after a while, came back up, right as rain. Jason walked back in and sat down.

Dick cleared his throat and continued with the story, ignoring everyone else's horrified faces.

_We decided to set a trap to capture Slade. We asked Garfield to dig a hole, because he was a dog and dogs dig the best holes._

Mari giggled, hoping to clear the tension. It worked slightly.

_While he was doing that, Vic and I were gathering the leaves from the trees we had already chopped down. Once Gar was finished, we put the leaves over the hole and started chopping down new trees._

"This is the simplest trap in the book," Jason reprimanded.

"Well, this is the trap we used," Dick rebutted.

_Slade came running quickly, screaming at us to get off his lawn. When he ran over the leaves, he fell into a hole so deep that he couldn't get out. So, we managed to finish our house, deciding to build it over the hole where the giant lived. There was a giant trapdoor in the floor so we could feed him, because we weren't those kinds of jerk faces._

"Aw, what an ending," Barbara said.

"So… what's the next story?" Damian asked. Dick _smirked at him._

_You suckers thought that was "The End?" Haha! The fun is actually just getting started!_

_Every day, we would drop him a nice loaf of bread, big enough for him to not starve. What we didn't realize was that Slade was using the bread to pile his way out of the hole._

Everyone gasped, actually not having expected this. Damian figured he should have, but… well, don't judge him! He didn't know the anatomy of giants!

_One day, he opened the trapdoor while everyone was asleep. Wait… I mean, while we were all asleep. He had finally managed to pile way to freedom, but he wasn't going to just sit there and watch while we destroyed his forest. Slade grabbed the bottom of the house and tossed it into the sky, all of us inside!_

"And that's how Garfield went to the Moon," Dick said. "The End."

Everyone looked horrified by that ending, but Dick was whistling happily.

"So, in the original story, those people-"

"And the dog," Damian interrupted.

"-were stuck on the moon forever?" Tim finished. Dick nodded.

"Yep."

"Well that's great," Jason said sarcastically. "Faaaaaantastic."

"That it is," Dick agreed. His phone buzzed and he checked it, frowning a bit.

"What's wrong, dad?" Mari asked.

"Kory won't be able to pick up Mari tonight," Dick said. "This guy is keeping them really busy."

"I can just stay the night, couldn't I?" Mari asked. Dick thought about it for a moment before shrugging.

"Suppose there isn't much choice. I'm not busy tonight, anyway."

"Yes!" Mari cheered. Bruce smiled at her, and Mari remembered that her dad had absolutely no idea that he was living above the bat cave. Unless he did know, and the only thing he didn't know was that Mari knew.

Wait. Time out.

If Bruce was Batman, would that make Damian Robin? Which could mean that Jason had the possibility of being Red Hood, Red Robin, or Nightwing. He couldn't be Nightwing, because Uncle Jay had a white streak down the side of his hair, and as far as she knew, Nightwing didn't. Red Robin was a slightly smaller build than Jason, so he must be Red Hood, leaving uncle Tim to be Red Robin, which meant that her dad is-

"Mari, you alright?" Dick asked her. She blinked once and smiled at him innocently.

"Yep, I'm fine! Just lost in thought," she said. Dick smiled at her.

"You'd be surprised how often that happens around here," he told her. Bruce watched the exchange with interest.

It was quite obvious that Dick was dropping batfamily hints in front of Mari on purpose. The way everyone panicked… priceless!

But if Mari knew their secret now, and Dick didn't know that she knew, this could only mean one thing.

That the two were going to troll each other with the same information each was withdrawing from the other.

Oh, boy, that will be fun.

**_Line Break_**

I'm practicing with 1st person POV because I suck at it. It always feels a bit bland to me.

And is trolling genetic?

Dick: I don't think so.

Jason: maybe we should ask someone else.

Wally: no, it isn't.

Well, oops. Maybe it's a habit that Mari picked up from you, Dick.


	22. The Stick That Beat the Joker

If you didn't read the Halloween Story, basically all you need to know is that the power was tripped by Superman, who's in the Batcave, and Mar'i and Dick are trolling each other because Mar'i knows that he's Nightwing.

I also just found out that Dick and Kory have a son... should I incorporate him into this story or no? Cause I know almost nothing about him, but it could make things interesting. Idk.

Dick: wait, I have a daughter AND A SON??!!?!?

Jason: good job, Dick. Any other secret children we should know about?

Warning: a LOT of cussing!

**_Line Break_**

Dick pulled Jason into the kitchen for a discussion. Jason was a bit confused, but after Dick talked to him things became much clearer. Jason nodded, agreeing with Dick's plan. He could get some satisfaction from this, along with unpleasant memories…

They walked back into the living room and waited patiently as Dick sat down in the Story Chair.

"Alright guys, this next story is The Boy Who went to the North Wind," Dick informed them.

"I've never heard this one," Bruce told them. Everyone else looked just as lost as Bruce was. Dick smirked half-heartedly, a bit shocked that Jason agreed to go along with him.

"Jason has," Dick told them. Jason nodded.

_Once upon a time, there was a poor boy who lived in the North with his mom. His name was Jason. They didn't usually have food on the table, so one day, Jason set out to find work with the North Wind._

Damian seemed shocked, to say the least.

"What's wrong Dami?" Dick asked him.

"Why is Todd the one in the story?" He asked. He seemed genuinely confused.

"Because I have too much in common with this kid," Jason said. Mari looked shocked.

"What?"

"I used to live on the streets," Jason said with a shrug. Mari, Damian, Steph, Cass, and Terry looked shocked at this revelation. Dick cleared his throat and continued.

_The North Wind saw him coming, but didn't offer the kid a job. _

People looked murderous. Even Jason had to take a deep breath at Dick's word choice.

_Instead, he gave Jason a magic cloth. When he told the cloth to produce food, it would produce all the food he would need. _

_"Thank you, North Wind!" He told it. _

Dick only needed to lower his voice to sound exactly like Jason. Although, now that he thought about it, this was little Jason, so he should have gone an octave higher than usual.

Dick and Jason shared a look and Jason nodded ever so slightly. Dick took a deep breath.

_"Just call me Bruce," said the North Wind. _

Real life Bruce looked shocked but didn't say anything.

_Jason started on his way home. Well, it got dark before he arrived, so he stopped at a little inn. He decided to try out the cloth, so he told it to make food. It made enough to feed everyone in that inn!_

_Well, almost everyone. _

"Dick, you should write a book. You would be great at it," Selena told him. Dick smiled nervously.

"Nah… that's not really my speed," he said.

_The only people who didn't get a share for the food was the owner of the inn and his wife. Obviously, owning the place, they had a lot of money and a lot of food. Their names were… um… well…-_

**Joker and Harley. **

Dick seemed relieved that Jason was the one to say it. Bruce looked shocked and horrified, but also curious. Why would Jason be the one to choose? Surely it went deeper than just creating coincidence.

_That night, as Jason was sleeping, Joker crept into the room-_

"Wait!!!" Tim shouted. He ran out of the room for a couple of minutes before coming back in with a knife.

"Uncle Tim? Why do you have a knife?" Mari asked nervously.

"You'll see," Tim said. Dick raised a curious (and slightly worried) eyebrow.

_Joker crept into the room and snatched the cloth from the top of Jason's dresser. The next day, when Jason woke up and couldn't find it anywhere, he went back to Bruce the North Wind and apologized._

"Why am I the North Wind?" Bruce asked. Maybe he could get some answers to this story.

"Because you're an air head," Jason said. Bruce frowned. Ok, that's not what he was expecting. But the comment made everyone laugh.

Through her laughter, Mari decided to throw in a troll moment.

"Wait… why is it the Joker? And who's Harley?" She asked. She sounded innocent enough, because her question made their laughter die. She smirked inwardly.

"Uh, Joker because… I love how this story ends and the Joker is perfect for it," Jason said.

"Alright, but who's Harley?"

"His GGGIIIRRRLLLLFFFRRRIIIEEEENNNNDDDDD," the boys all cooed. Mari giggled and allowed her dad to continue.

But her dad was also trolling her with this whole story, Bruce could tell. He just didn't see how neither of them realized they were trolling each other. Not that he would tell! It would spoil the fun!

_"It's fine," said the North Wind, because he had a vague idea of what had happened to it. Instead of letting the kid dwell on it, he gave him a goose._

Jason's hand shot into the air.

"The goose is unnamed!" Dick let him know, but Jason shook his head.

"Nah, I was gonna ask if it could be a goat instead," he said. Everyone gave him either shocked or curious looks.

"Why a goat?" Dick asked.

"Because the little demon got me thinking about goats!" Jason exclaimed. Damian turned red, but Tim put a reassuring arm around his shoulder. Surprisingly, he didn't shrug him off.

"Uh, ok…" Dick said.

_Never mind, Bruce decided to give Jason a goat. If it was a goose, it would have laid golden eggs, but since it's a goat, I guess it spits gold._

"Goats don't spit… do they?" Tim asked. Terry pulled out his phone.

"Hey Siri, do goats spit?"

They waited a moment before Siri answered.

**_"Like cows, sheep, and deer, goats re-chew their food after fermenting it for a while in a specialized stomach. While ruminating over their cud, the goats spit out the argan nuts, delivering clean seeds to new ground, wherever the goat has wandered."_**

"Should we take that as a yes?" Mari asked.

"Yeah, let's assume that's a yes," Dick answered her.

_So the goat spit gold. A gold spitting goat. The golden goat. Whatever you wanted to call it, Jason decided to call it Einstein, because why not._

"It should be called: Asshole," Jason said. He pulled out 5 but Alfred didn't take the money.

"I believe this could be interesting," Alfred informed them. Mari seemed unbothered by the curse word, so Dick shrugged.

_Ok then. Jason took Asshole the goat back home, but he had to stop at the inn again._

Everyone except Jason and Dick groaned at the mention of the inn.

_Jason had to actually order food this time, meaning he had to pay for it. He asked Asshole if he could get him some money and the goat spit some on the counter. _

_Of course, Joker decided he would get Asshole as well. _

Everyone was roaring with laughter. Even Dick had a hard time telling the story. Who the hell in their right mind would name a goat "Asshole?" But it was Jason's choice, so whether he was joking or not, the goat's name was Asshole.

_When Jason woke up the next day and Asshole was gone, he went back to Bruce again. By this point, they both knew that Joker was the one stealing from Jason._

_"Here, take this stick," said Bruce._

_"_Oh wow. A stick," Damian said.

"My favorite item of the story," Jason said with a dreamy tilt to his voice.

_"Brag about the stick so the thief wants it. Then, when the thief grabs it, tell it to beat the shit out of him and it will do it," Bruce explained._

Dick was a little horrified at the faces on his brothers' faces, like they all wanted that stick.

_Jason took the stick and went back to the inn. He said that it wasn't a stick, that it was a magic wand that could grant anyone's wishes. Joker and Harley wanted that "wand."_

_That night, Jason pretended to fall asleep. He heard the door creak open and two sets of feet crept into the room. Light entered from the open doorway._

_Jason sat up and shouted, "beat the shit out of them, stick!!!"_

_The stick only attacked Joker, but Harley didn't want to see him suffering for some strange reason, so she told Jason that she would return his belongings. _

_He managed to get Asshole back, along with the cloth. Jason told the stick to stop beating the shit out of Joker, though it took him a couple tries because the stick was a bit aggressive. He returned home to his mom with all three items and they lived happily ever after._

"The End," Dick said. Mari looked at Tim.

"So why do you have the knife?" She asked him.

"Tomorrow, all will be revealed," Tim said mysteriously. Dick looked at the clock and gasped.

"Holy shit! Time for bed!"

"What? But we didn't even have any dinner!" Mari said.

"What's dinner?" Damian asked her. Selena and Terry said their good nights, Roy decided he would join Jason on Night shift ("What's the night shift?" -Mari, cheekily.) and Dick got Wally into one of the many unused rooms. Mari said she would sleep with Dick that night.

Before Jason and Roy set out, Bruce reminded them not to do anything stupid.

"That's impossible Bruce," Jason told him, heading down into the Batcave. "You know us!"

Bruce chuckled. He started laughing hard when Jason screamed as soon as he entered the Batcave.

"CLARK, WHAT THE HELL?!??!?!!??!?!" Jason screamed. When he calmed down and the two had set out, Clark turned to Bruce in a very business-like manner.

"Bruce, we need to talk."


	23. Mari's Pancakes

Hello guys! Wlecome back to another chapter of the Batfamily torturing each other and doing a bunch of weird shit for the heck of it.

Jason: hey, we have very good reasons for the stuff we do.

What are those reasons?

Jason: we just genuinely care for and adore each other.

Dick: ...

Jason: see, it's that kind of reaction from people that I live for.

You live for silent reactions from people?

Jason: no, I feed off the silence in the reaction. Get with the program.

Dick: Jason, we need to have a talk.

Jason: I am perfectly healthy, sir. I ate my pancakes this morning.

But we didn't have any pancakes.

Jason: exactly. Now, I'm gonna push this sparkly red button sitting two inches from my right hand since we're taking up too much of the readers' time.

Jason, wa-

* * *

It was near midnight and Mari was listening to her dad's even breathing. If she was going to sneak out of here, she needed to be sure her dad was asleep.

Why did she choose to room with her dad if she's sneaking out, you may ask? Well, the best way for her to be entirely sure that he was asleep was by waiting, listening, and viewing.

She sat up in the bed silently. She had been told that her father was a light sleeper, so she would have to be VERY silent.

She turned and her feet touched the floor. She slid slowly off the bed.

She was standing upright, watching her dad as he slept.

She felt elated! She managed to get off the bed without her dad's detection!

She took a step backward and panicked slightly when she didn't feel her foot touch the floor. When she looked down, she wasn't even on the floor.

Mari almost screamed but remembered to slap her hands over her mouth at the last second. She studied her dad, who hadn't stirred. She breathed a sigh of relief and focused once again on the fact that she wasn't on the floor.

Was she flying?

She pushed her body to the left, then back to the right, as if she was swimming.

Oh, yeah. She was flying.

She took the opportunity to fly to the door, opening and closing it silently, and flew back to the piano room where the clock had already been moved. She flew down to the bottom of the staircase and ended up beside Bruce, who was talking to Clark.

"Uh… hi?" She asked. Bruce and Clark turned to her and Bruce looked like he was about to scream.

"How…? You…? You-YOU CAN FLY?" Bruce exclaimed. Mari double checked herself and looked at the floor.

Yep, she still wasn't on it.

"I was honestly hoping that this was a dream… but now I can assume that this is real," she said, feeling faint. Bruce took a deep breath to calm himself down.

"W-would you mind landing, please?" He asked her. She shook her head.

"I would love to. The only problem is that I don't know how."

Superman smiled gently at her.

"Some powers are tied to emotions. Tamaranian powers sure are, anyway… I think your mom said that she flies when she's happy?"

"My mom can fly too?" Mari asked. The genuine shock must have been what she needed, because next thing she knew she was sitting on the floor.

"Yeah, but I'm pretty sure she's able to control her powers without relying on emotion," Clark told her with a smirk.

"That's interesting… Kory's powers must be the dominant trait," Bruce speculated, which confused Mari, since she didn't know what a dominant trait was. She decided it must be something genetically related.

"Ok, so… Scarecrow sprayed the Titans with that gas, right?" Clark asked Bruce. Bruce frowned.

"He did? When? What gas?"

"You didn't-? Well, now you know. Anyway, that gas made them a bit cannibalistic, but Dick and Damian managed to make a cure…"

"Clark, what's wrong?" Bruce asked in his Batman voice, which admittedly made Mari a little scared.

"The League ran into Scarecrow, who sprayed us. Really, it was just Barry and Diana, but let's be honest… I don't plan on watching them eat each other. Could we have the cure?"

Mari was confused but Bruce sighed.

"They probably left it in the cabinets or something," Bruce said. He walked over and shifted through all the bottles, finally coming to one that was labeled "Eat Pancakes."

"Is that it?" Clark asked. Bruce shrugged.

"How am I supposed to know?"

Mari studied the clear liquid inside the container.

"Maybe we should wait for Uncle Jay and Uncle Roy to get back," she suggested. Bruce and Clark agreed and sat down to wait.

* * *

It was the next morning, and Dick was a little worried when he woke up and didn't see Mari anywhere. She was sitting on the sofa when he headed downstairs.

"I didn't realize you were such an early riser," Dick joked.

"It's like mom says: "Early bird gets the worms."

"But what birds specifically?"

"She never specified."

"Oh, really?"

"Well, she did say it was a turdus migratorious."

"An American robin, huh?"

"That's probably the one."

"Could you two please stop flirting? I want my breakfast."

The two hadn't realized that Damian entered the room.

"Dami, we are NOT flirting!" Dick exclaimed.

"Do you two love each other?"

"Yes…" Mari answered skeptically.

"Then you guys are flirting."

"That's not what flirting is…" Dick said, but Damian had already disappeared into the kitchen.

"We should probably get some breakfast, too," Mari suggested. She and Dick entered the kitchen, where they saw Damian chewing some cereal while reading the paper.

"Can we have pancakes?" Mari asked. She studied her dad and Damian for their reactions. She needed to play her cards carefully this time… one mistake, and everything would be revealed, whether it's her dad's secret or the fact that she knew there was a chance they were all gonna go cannibal.

"Sure," Dick said, and walked to the counter.

Mari sat down at the table and watched as her dad mixed up some pancake batter. She thought about her next words.

"Hey dad, would it be considered cannibalism if pancakes started eating each other?" She asked. Dick turned around to her, completely shocked.

"Of course it would! If pancakes eat other pancakes, it's cannibalism," he exclaimed. Mari smirked inwardly. When Uncle Jay got home last night, he had no idea which vial was the cure for cannibalism. For all she knew, it wouldn't last forever and they'd have to try something else.

"What would you do if one of us went cannibal?" Mari asked. Dick stiffened slightly.

"I'd make you eat pancakes," he said, setting a plate of pancakes in front of her. She took a big bite, satisfied with her dad's answer.

Dick and Damian looked at each other and seemed to have a silent conversation. Mari couldn't read them very well, but she assumed it had something to do with her curiosity about pancakes and cannibalism.

She scarfed down the pancakes (because they were so heccing good!) while Dick and Damian came to a silent agreement. Dick turned to her.

"Did Bruce play a hand in these questions?" He asked her. Mari swallowed her bite of pancakes, thankful for the excuse. She had a feeling that any longer, and her secret would have been revealed.

"Yep. He said he was looking for something and asked me to find a way to relate pancakes and cannibalism to you," she said, jumping right on the excuse. Dick looked skeptical for a moment, but seemed to shrug it off.

"Whatever. Yeah, pancakes cure cannibalism."

Bingo. Bruce was right last night and now could cure the Justice League.

"We might be able to throw in a story before they get up, though," Dick said. "Jason and Tim could sleep in for hours, and Bruce is… well, Bruce."

"What about Alfred?" Mari asked.

"He found out about our raid on the cabinets the other day," Damian said. "He was a little horrified that we managed to run out of food so quickly, but he headed to the store to get some. He won't be back until noon."

The raid on the cabinets must have been a part of their cannibalism. Well, before they tried to eat each other, anyway.

"Come on!" Dick said. "You can bring your pancakes."

Damian put his bowl in the sink, Mari grabbed her plate, and they entered the living room. Dick sighed as he sat down in the Story Chair.

"Ok, this story is Kaatje's Treasure," he said.

"I've never even heard of that one," Damian said. Dick winked at him.

"Well, now you have."

_Once upon a time, there was a dreamer named Mari._

Mari looked shocked, not having expected to be the subject of the story.

_Her friend, Jon-_

Damian winced. Dick smirked.

_Always accepted her dreaming. She would dream about a dog dying, then a dog would die._

Mari gasped. Dick assured her that this was just a story, and no dogs actually died.

_The point is, whenever she had a dream, it happened._

_One day, while Jon was out doing… whatever, Mari had a dream about traveling to an old mill in the next town over and finding untold riches. But when she told Jon, he just laughed and said that that was wishful thinking!_

_But he promised he would go with her to that old mill on Saturday._

_Well, Mari being the impatient bean she is-_

"Did he just call me a bean?" Mari whispered to Damian.

"Yes," Damian whispered back.

_-Decided that she was going to sneak out that very night and head there herself. When she arrived, she looked everywhere, even walking around the mill three times despite her tired feet, but there was nothing._

"Aw man," Mari said, and Dick laughed.

_A farmer approached her. His name was Damian._

"Oh no," Damian said.

_He sat down beside her and asked her what was wrong. She told him all about her weird dream, her friend Jon, and why she decided walking around a mill three times while calling "here, money money money" like Mr. Krabbs on steroids is socially acceptable._

_"Who's Mr. Krabbs?" Damian asked._

_"I don't know," Mari answered._

"I thought Mr. Krabbs was from Spongebob?" Mari asked.

"He is," Dick said. "But the story you doesn't know that. Spongebob wasn't invented yet."

"Good," Damian said. "Wish I could have lived in that time."

"Oh, please, we all know your favorite character is Patrick," Dick told him. Damian's face turned a little red and Mari giggled.

"In your dreams! He just reminds me of you!"

Mari burst into full-on laughter as Dick and Damian continued to argue. When they finally reached an impasse ("Father is Mr. Krabbs, you're Patrick, Todd is Squidward, and Drake is Sandy!"-Damian. "No, I'm Spongebob, and the rest are accurate."-Dick) the story continued.

_"Listen," Damian said. "I had a dream once that if I went to a farm in the next town over, I would find untold riches. When I got there, there was nothing."_

_"Wait… I live on a farm in the next town over," Mari said. She got up and thanked Damian for the talk and headed home._

_Jon was mad at her at first for just running off like that, but she ignored him and kidnapped a shovel. Using it, she started digging up the floor. Jon was confused at first, but when the shovel hit something metal, he helped her lift it out of the ground._

_It was a chest filled to the brim with gold and jewels. After that, Mari could never remember any dreams she had, but she didn't mind._

"The End."

"So she just kidnapped that dude's treasure?" Mari asked.

"Well… the story never said what happened to him," Dick said.

"Gold buried on a farm?" Someone asked from behind them. They turned around and saw Jason and Tim leaning casually on the back of the Story Chair. "What does that remind me of?"

"Yeah, and the other farmer… what's his name? Damian? He didn't seem fazed by the fact that she knew where to find his gold."

"Almost as if he knew there was gold buried beneath a farm," Jason speculated.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Tim asked him.

"I'd like to think so," Jason answered.

"Please don't…" Dick said.

"Unless Damian saw farmer Bruce bury the gold there and decided to lend a helping hand in locating it," the two boys said at once. Dick stood up with a stomp.

"I'm gonna-"

"Might wanna hurry and finish that so you can chase us," Tim prodded, poking Dick's nose. He and Jason high-fived and ran off, Dick chasing after them screaming bloody murder (they all knew he wouldn't actually murder them, but even still, they feared when he became angry.)

Damian looked at Mari, shrugged, and ran off to join the chase. Mari smirked to herself and snuck into the Batcave to tell Bruce which concoction was the right one.

As she snuck off, Dick shouted to Damian, "The next story is Snow Daughter and Fire Son!"


	24. Snow Babs and Fire Dickie

Previously, on _100 Stories: _

Dick: what are you, a talk-show host?

Shut up!

Jason: where's the fun in that?

Dick: _previously, the various members of the Batfamily decided to retell stories and torture each other, along with their glorified talk-show host. _

I'll dump you both in a volcano.

Jason: no you won't.

You're right, I won't. But I WILL hire Damian to do it.

Dick: ...

Jason: ...

Better.

**_Line Break_**

Mari had explained the commotion upstairs to Bruce after they got the cure situated. ("I just got a call! The cannibalism has set in! Diana bit Hal, and Barry bit Diana!"-Superman.)

So the two headed upstairs and saw Dick on top of the boys, ready to attack.

Let's just say Bruce wasn't happy. In fact, he was so unhappy that the only member of the family who tried to keep the boys from killing each other (aside from himself and Alfred, of course) had succumbed to their level of bodily harm.

It was this realization that made Bruce sit down in the Story Chair. Dick and the others were smirking, and Bruce wondered if he had done the right thing-taking Dick's place telling stories.

He decided that, no, he did not do the right thing. In fact, he's probably just doomed himself to 50 years in Arkham, enjoying tea parties with the Joker, Riddler, and Bane. Wait, Bane doesn't do tea parties, does he? Nah, probably Ivy.

"What's wrong, dad?" Dick asked innocently. "Dunno know what story to tell?"

"Well, what were you about to tell?" Bruce asked him. Dick smiled really big at him.

"I said Snow Daughter and Fire Son."

Now, Bruce smiled at him, causing Dick to frown. He wasn't expecting this.

"Jokes on you… I know this story," Bruce told him, and you could see the panic on Dick's face. "And I have the perfect people in mind for it."

Mari sat down beside Dick, patting him on the head. Damian was on his other side, Tim got the other chair, and Jason decided to sit on the floor. There was more room on the couch, but for reasons unknown, he preferred the floor.

_Ok, then. Once upon a time, there was an unnamed couple who lived alone in the woods. Don't get too attached to them._

"Oh," Jason said. Barely one sentence in, and already we were facing character death.

_One random day, in the snow, the wife mentioned that she wanted a kid. I don't remember what the husband was doing, and I don't really want to come up with something, so I'll just skip to the part where an icicle fell in her mouth and she didn't panic, choke, and die. _

Jason snickered at this. Dick started kicking his legs, feeling a little hyper. This panicked Bruce a bit, because Dick kicking his legs usually didn't end in something good… eh, he was gonna leave for work soon, anyway. He would let the boys deal with hyper Dick.

_A couple months later, and the woman had a daughter. I'll just call her Barbara._

Dick groaned and buried his head in his hands.

"Are you seriously doing this?" He asked Bruce.

"Yep," Bruce answered, without hesitation.

_Barbara loved the snow, and she didn't feel the cold. SHE DID NOT BURST INTO SONG AT RANDOM TIMES, OR BUILD GIANT ICE CASTLES, OR MAKE SENTIENT LIFE IN THE FORM OF A SNOWMAN, UNLIKE SOME SNOW-THEMED PRINCESSES OUT THERE._

"Hey, she's the queen, not a princess," Dick corrected him.

"Hey, this isn't Disney," Damian snapped.

"Hey, get on with the story!" Tim interrupted the three-way battle.

Jason snickered and Mari sighed. She loved visiting her uncles and grandfather! There was never a dull moment with them.

_But when Barbara was near fire, or out in the sun, she acted like a vampire. She couldn't stand them. Like, physically. She would literally melt if she got too close. _

_Another random day, the mom said that she wished they had a fire-child. Don't ask how this works, because I don't know, but an ember from their fire landed in her lap, and a couple months later they had a son._

"This is probably Farmer Bruce's magic powers shining through," Jason stated. Damian just stared at him.

"So… he has powers now?"

"I dunno-does he?" Jason asked. Both boys looked at Dick, who sighed.

"If you want him to have powers, I guess he can have powers."

The two boys cheered while Bruce gave Dick a look that said: "why… just, WHY."

Dick shrugged and gestured for Bruce to continue.

_This kid is Dick._

"And immediately all respect for you goes down the drain," Dick stated, and Bruce stuck his tongue out at him. Dick did the same.

_He was the exact opposite of his sister. He ran around in the sun, and if he was in the snow he would turn into a popsicle in a matter of seconds, which is highly impossible for the average human body, because the average human body would completely freeze over at -42F, which is -41.1 repeating in Celsius, and this happens within 5-10 minutes._

Everyone was staring at Bruce, mostly not understanding what he had just said. He cleared his throat, but smirked all the same. Obviously, he needed to keep training them, and it seemed that they needed it in basic science.

_Which means the two couldn't stand being near each other. I mean, literally, not mentally. They loved each other in the special way that all siblings care for each other._

He waited patiently as the boys (except Dick) all glared at each other.

_Remember how I said not to get attached to the parents? Yeah, they died. But thankfully, the kids were all grown up._

The Bats felt bad, but at least these kids were lucky that their parents didn't die as children. That would've hit too close to home (for most of them, anyway.)

_The two wanted to leave their childhood home, but they didn't want to go alone. The only people they had was each other, but they couldn't be near each other or else they would both die. _

"They should battle it out and see who the victor is," Damian suggested.

"How about they don't?" Tim also suggested_. _

_Barbara pulled out two giant cloaks for them to wear. When they put them on, she couldn't feel Dick's heat, and he couldn't feel her cold. So, off they went._

_ They were on the road for a while. Whenever they stopped to eat and rest, Dick would set up a tent with a warm fire, and Barbara would sit out in the snow, because that's where she was most comfortable. When it was time to eat, they put on the cloaks and joined up outside. _

_Now, in the original story, this is the part where a prince comes up and marries the daughter, and lets the son live in a giant oven in the basement while she gets a personal freezer. I'm going to change it up slightly. You see, because I'm already torturing Dick, and to be a jerk to all of you listening, it's gonna be a princess who shows up and marries Dick, then follows through with the oven and the freezer. One guess as to who the princess is._

"The End," Bruce said, as everyone snickered towards Dick.

"Bruce, I'm gonna-"

"Be late for work!" Bruce exclaimed. He had timed the ending of his story perfectly, and would now be taking his leave. "Guys, make sure Dick doesn't eat anything sugary today. I think he's feeling hyper."

"I haven't had a sugar problem since I was 10!" Dick yelled, but Bruce shuddered.

"A time we refer to in the League as 'The Dark Days'."

"What's the League?" Mari asked innocently, sensing the opportunity. Everyone except Dick and Bruce panicked a bit.

"That's another thing we call W.E," Tim said quickly.

"But why not stick with W.E?" Mari asked, maybe having too much fun.

"BECAUSE WHY NOT?!?!?!!?!" They all exclaimed, except for Dick and Bruce, who got into a silent conversation.

Finally, Bruce tossed something from his pocket into the air, which Dick caught easily. Before another word could be said, Bruce was out the door with a very angry Dick Grayson chasing after him.

"So…" Jason said awkwardly. Everyone turned to him. "Who wants to help me sneak sugar into all of Dick's food?"

Two different pairs of hands shot into the air (Damian and Tim, obviously) while Mari ran upstairs to call Barbara. She had a bad feeling about this.

**_Line Break_**

Dick: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!??!?!??

Jason: why not?

Dick: do you REALLY want to know what happens when a 10-year-old me is on a sugar rush?

Jason: yes.

Dick: ...

Dick: me too. It was always a blur to me.


	25. Raven Caught by the Trigons

Dick: Sweet, Jason is being unfair!

Jason: in what way was that unfair?

Dick: in every way!!!

Jason: that's not an answer.

Ugh, guys! Jason didn't steal your chicken nuggets, and Dick didn't pour gravy all over your burger!

Dick: then who did?

Tim: hey guys.

Dick: Tim!!!!!

Jason: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Why are you complaining? I'm the one putting up with you guys.

**_Chapter Start_**

Mari almost screamed when she got upstairs.

Almost.

She walked into the upstairs library, only to find Uncle Roy and Uncle Wally cuddled together on the couch.

After getting over her initial shock, an evil smirk overtook her face and she removed her phone. She snapped three quick pictures of them, then poked Wally on the shoulder.

He woke up with a jolt, but didn't seem to be shocked at where he was. He rubbed his eyes blearily and yawned, waking Roy up as well. They finally noticed Mari, and noticed where they were, and wide, horrified faces turned to her.

"Hey, guys," she said happily. Roy nodded his head in greeting, disentangling himself from Wally with a red face.

"Mari, how did we get like this?"

"I assume it was Uncle Jay," Mari told him. "You know how my family is-all pranks. Speaking of pranks, what would happen if my dad consumed a lot of sugar?"

"Uh, well, when he was 10, he would go into a super saiyan kind of state and destroy everything in sight," Wally explained. "Why?"

Mari was… shocked, to say the least.

"So, when my dad was a sugar-high Robin, he managed to destroy everything in sight? No wonder Batman decided to train him," she said. She realized her slip-ups after she spoke and covered her mouth.

"Well, technically Robin forced Batman to train him-WAIT A MINUTE," Roy said. He only realized what he had said… but, more importantly, what Mari had said.

"You know?" Wally asked. Mari nodded, removing her hands.

"Shit, we should probably-"

"Don't tell my dad!" Mari interrupted. Wally reared back in shock at her urgent tone.

"Why not?" Roy asked. Mari smirked.

"It would spoil my fun," she admitted. Wally chuckled, shook his head, and looked down at the floor.

"Yep… you're your father's daughter, all right."

Mari was going to throw in a comment, but wisely decided not to. Instead she asked if her dad still had the sugar problem.

"Well, when he turned 15, his sugar problem practically died," Wally said. "However, he still gets little bursts of energy… it's these kinds of days we try to avoid giving him sugar. No telling what might happen."

"So, if he was kicking his legs back and forth, and bouncing in his seat, and constantly looking around, DON'T give him sugar?" Mari asked, worry seeping into her voice. Roy's eyes narrowed.

"What did you do?"

"Left my uncles to doom themselves while I ran upstairs to call Aunt Barbara, but I ran into you guys, then we talked, then you found out that I know that my family is the bat family, THEN you found out that I made a big mistake by leaving my Uncles downstairs by themselves to pull a stupid prank, then we found out that when I get nervous I tend to ramble which isn't something I never knew about myself-"

Roy slapped a hand over her mouth and reminded her to breathe. When he removed his hand, Mari stopped talking and was taking deep breaths.

"We need to stop them from giving Dick any sugar," Wally said.

"Duh," Roy agreed. He thought for a moment. "Does Bruce know about this?"

"Well, he knows dad is feeling hyper," Mari said. "He said not to give him any sugar."

"That's why they're doing it," Wally theorized.

"Well, no dip," Roy snapped at him. He turned to Mari. "Go ahead and call Barbara, let her know the situation. Let's only hope Dick hasn't eaten any sugar yet."

**_Line Break_**

Truth be told, he did.

And the boys saw it.

And they regretted it.

They called Dick back in for lunch after having made it themselves.

Dick was understandably suspicious of them, but he sat down and ate what they had set out.

The rest was a blur.

When Dick came out of his sugar rush, the manor was (almost) completely destroyed. He was lying down on the couch in the fetal position surrounded by broken glass and various stains everywhere that he just wasn't going to think about.

He sat up with a yawn. He already knew how he got the sugar. Whatever he did to the boys, they probably deserved it.

"Where are they?" He asked himself. He looked up at the ceiling. He never knew why, but whenever he was in a sugar state, he either tied, glued, duct-taped, stapled, or cream-cheesed (don't ask) people to the ceiling.

Well, that was one down. Jason was unwrapping himself from some plastic wrap, which was glued to the ceiling.

"Hey, Jason!" Dick called. Jason froze and stared down at Dick.

"Uh-"

"Which ceiling is Tim stuck to?" Dick asked him. Jason frowned.

"I think he has the kitchen," Jason answered him. Dick nodded, and Jason continued to struggle his way out of the plastic wrap.

Dick, with a smirk, walked into the kitchen and studied the ceiling. There was Tim, stapled by his jacket, to the ceiling.

"Hey, Tim," Dick greeted. Said boy screamed and slipped out of his jacket. He grabbed it at the last second, holding onto it for dear life.

"Ooh, that looks bad," Dick said. "How much sugar did you guys add? It feels like five cups… I've got a horrible headache."

"Seven!" Tim shouted, swinging back and forth from his jacket. Dick laughed.

"What's so funny?" Tim demanded.

"You look like a monkey!" Dick exclaimed. He continued to laugh.

"Very funny… could you get me down from here?"

"Let go and I'll catch you!" Dick called back up.

Tim looked like he would rather hang there all day then be caught by Dick, but he let go of his beloved jacket and Dick caught him easily.

"Thanks," he mumbled.

"No problem," Dick said. He set Tim down on the floor and two stared at Tim's jacket.

"How are we gonna get it down?" Tim asked. Dick opened his mouth to answer but was interrupted by the sound of unwinding plastic wrap. Jason fell to the floor with a thud and didn't move for quite a while.

"You can work it out, I'm sure," Dick said, patting Tim on the back. "I'm gonna see if Jay is alright."

When Dick left the kitchen, something pounded on the vent. Tim opened it up, and out tumbled Damian, covered in soot and glitter.

"Let's NEVER let him consume sugar AGAIN," he demanded, and Tim nodded.

"Agreed."

**_Also a Line Break_**

"Should we just-"

"Don't. Ask."

Barbara stepped into the living room, avoiding the glass. Mari, Roy, and Wally were standing at the top of the staircase, debating how best to get down. Mari knew she could just fly down, but her dad... nah, best to stay there.

Dick was sitting in the Story Chair, whistling happily as he stroked an unconscious Jason's hair. Tim and Damian were cleaning the manor.

"What happened?" Barbara demanded.

"Sugar rush," Dick said, raising his hand.

"I thought I told you," Mari said.

"You said there was an emergency, but the phone cut out before you could tell me what it was."

"Oh."

Damian screamed and backed away from the back of the TV. His scream startled Jason awake.

"What's going on? Where's Dick?" He demanded.

"What's wrong Dami?" Dick asked. He sat up in a defensive position.

"G-glitter! Everywhere!" Damian screamed. He raced up the stairs, ignoring the glass.

"Glitter?" Mari asked. Wally, Roy, and Barbara shivered.

"Never trust sugar-rush Dick with glitter," they said. Nobody questioned the matter further.

"Where did the glass come from?" Barbara asked.

"I think that might be a window… not sure," Dick answered.

"Jason, we've gotta get this place cleaned before Alfred gets home," Tim said. He and Damian had already cleaned most of the mess-they got the stains out, the glass by the door swept up, found out that nothing overly expensive (or too important) had been destroyed…

Jason sighed and stood up, reaching for the vacuum.

They spent an hour cleaning up while Dick, Barbara, Mari, Wally, and Roy ate a nice, sugar-free lunch. Of course, they left some for Damian, Tim, and Jason.

When everyone was finished, Dick sat down in the Story Chair and admired their work.

"Great job, guys. With luck, Alfred will miss two things."

"Out of the hundreds of things that were destroyed," Jason mumbled. Dick tsked.

"Don't be so grumpy, Jay," he said. "Just remember-this was all your fault."

"Where's Damian?" Roy asked. Mari sighed.

"I'll go get him. I think I know where he ran off to."

She ran up the stairs. Dick turned to everyone with a smile.

"Well, now that that's done… let's get down to less important matters."

"I'm surprised Alfred isn't home, yet," Tim whispered to Barbara, who agreed. They sat down on the couch beside Jason.

"Alright, this story is How the Moon Got Caught in the Marsh."

Dick's leg started bouncing up and down, which made them all nervous. Tim and Jason backed as far away from him as they could, but they were pressed into the couch. Barbara made eye contact with Dick, who winked. She smirked.

How was Dick considered a Hero when he was so evil?

_Once upon a time there was a tiny village located in the middle of a marsh. You're all probably thinking that that's a very bad choice, but they didn't mind. They didn't mind the damp, the smell, or the carnivorous trolls that lived there._

"Oh," said Jason.

_It was all fine, because the moon, named Raven, always shone bright._

"But if Raven is the moon, who are the trolls?" Tim asked. Dick visibly flinched.

"Uhm…"

"Never mind…" Tim said. He gestured for Dick to continue.

_Ok, so… the trolls weren't actually called trolls. The villagers called them Trigons._

Now Barbara flinched, and they heard a gasp from the stairs. They just assumed it was Damian. Dick was now treading on dangerous waters.

But, you see, the thing is he knew that Mari figured everything out. His silent conversation with Bruce was all about that. Dick had suspected it for a while. He just wanted to make sure by silent communication with Bruce.

Also, he felt Mari get out of bed the night before. What? He was a light sleeper. He was genuinely shocked that she didn't make any noise, so when he peeked out the doorway at her, he almost screamed when he realized she was flying.

How long had she been able to do that? How long did she know? Did she only find out about her powers? If so, how had she flown so smoothly, like it just came to her? Was it that easy for Kory when she first learned to fly? Did Kory know?

He shook his head slightly to get his mind back on track. Maybe he couldn't troll her anymore… not with their secret identities, anyway. But she didn't know that he knew. There is no out-trolling the family troll.

Though if it was a fight she wanted, it was a war she would get.

_One night, a random villager named Garfield went out to get some food. The trolls tried to get him, but Raven was faster, shining brighter so the Trigons backed up, hissing._

_Garfield continued on his way, maybe moving a little faster than he had been. _

_Raven, the moon, decided one night that she would see why people kept wanting to go through that very, VERY dangerous marsh. So, she dropped out of the sky, dimmed her light a bit, and went to Earth to check things out._

"Wait a minute, time out!" Tim interrupted. "The Moon just CASUALLY decided to take a vacation?"

"Yes, weren't you paying attention?" Dick answered.

_This was a bit of a mistake since the Trigons took advantage of this. They grabbed her and tied her up, then dropped her in the marsh. To make sure she stayed there, they put a giant rock on top of her._

"Recap; the moon took a vacation, got kidnapped by a bunch of trolls-"

"Trigons," Dick interrupted.

"Sorry, TRIGONS," Barbara enunciated, "and got trapped under a rock."

"Yep."

"But isn't the moon a rock?" Tim asked. Jason scoffed.

"Try telling that to the people who write kid's fairytales."

"Oh, please. Who really believes the moon is made of cheese?" Tim asked him (rhetorically, of course.)

"Probably the same people who still think the Earth is flat," Jason answered. Dick continued the story before this conversation could go on longer.

_Point is, Raven was trapped. _

_She was stuck there for three days. How people went three days without the moon beats me, but one day, Garfield decided he would head out and try to find her. In the dark that night, he and the rest of the villagers lit a bunch of torches and headed deep into the marsh to find Raven._

_The torches were bright enough to keep the Trigons away, so they managed to search for quite a while._

_Finally, they came to the marshiest part of the marsh, where they found a giant rock just sitting there randomly. They noticed a faint glow coming from the bottom of the rock. So, through a process known widely as "assumption," they figured that Raven was under the rock._

"So did Farmer Bruce invent assumption, or what?" Jason asked. Tim snickered and Dick glared. His leg started bouncing again, and the boys panicked slightly. Barbara didn't feel bad, this time. You see, this time, they deserved it.

_They had the women hold the torches and keep the Trigons away from them while the men tried to lift the rock. Whenever a Trigon would get close, the girls waved the torches around like lunatics and chase it away. After a while, the men finally lifted the heavy rock and freed Raven, who shot straight up into the sky and glowed as brightly as possible. _

"The End."

"But nothing was resolved," Tim pointed out. "The most that happened was moving a rock to save a rock that was trapped underneath that first rock."

"Yeah, the Trigons are still roaming free," Wally agreed.

"Ah, but Raven is back," Dick reminded them. "Also, in the original, when the moon rose from the marsh, it burned up all of the Trigons. Literally, they burst into flame and melted Wicked Witch of the West style."

Roy looked a bit horrified by Dick's description, but Mari and Damian entered the room at that exact moment.

"We were listening from the stairs," Mari informed them.

"Good for you," Jason told her.

"I had only one problem with it," Damian said. "Why did Garfield leave the village to get food? Wouldn't there be food in the village?"

"In the original, the random dude was actually running around because his wife was preganent," Dick told him. Damian frowned. "What?"

"Don't you mean pregnant?"

"That's what I said: preganent."

"As entertaining as this conversation is, I think we need to go do something else."

Everyone jumped at the new voice. Dick smiled wide when he saw Kory standing in the doorway.

"Hey Mom," Mari greeted. Kory smiled at her.

"Ready to go?"

"Can't I stay the rest of the day? Please?" Mari begged. Kory rolled her eyes and chuckled, joining Mari, Tim, and Wally on the couch.

"Well, you just missed this story," Dick informed her. "But not to worry, because you get to hear the next one!"

Kory sighed.

"How did you get to be so childish?"

"I work backwards, Kory," Dick winked at her. "I act younger the older I get."

"That's not how the body works," Tim pointed out. Wally snickered.

"You saw him on sugar, right? Imagine him as a ten-year-old, give him a hose and some spray paint, then learn 50 different languages, and you can keep up with him on a normal day."

Roy nodded his agreement.

"Well, now that that's out of the way," Dick said, "The next story is the North Wind and the Sun."

**_Chapter End _**

Dick: oh. So that's what happens.

See you guys next time!

Jason: Tim is a little turd!

Tim: I smell better than you!


	26. Intermission

Dick: All I'm saying is that Slytherin is perfect for you!

Jason: yeah, and Ravenclaw isn't an option?

Wait... what?

Dick: wait a second... are we even getting the houses right?

Jason: I don't think so.

What's going on?

Tim: ok, we were trying to put ourselves in Harry Potter houses, but the problem is that we don't quite know what the requirements are for any of the houses.

Dick: wait, the Slytherin is the bad guys, right?

Not necessarily... I mean, my brother is a Slytherin. Actually, do you guys need help with the houses?

Dick, Tim, JasonL yes.

Ok, let's just... Dick is Hufflepuff, Jason is Slytherin, Tim is Ravenclaw, and Damian is Gryffindor.

Jason: how did you-?

I'll explain later. Let's stop boring these DC people with Harry Potter stuff.

Guys, if you were looking for a Christmas special, I had one written up. It just didn't quite fit with the tone of the story, and, quite frankly, I didn't feel like rewriting it. If you wanna read it, it's called "The Christmas Bat."

Also, heads up, this isn't quite a chapter. This is more of an "intermission." Just... what happens without anything to do at the Manor.

Well, I hope you en-

Dick: wait, I have something to say!

Ok, what?

Dick: I just wanted to say...… it was all Jason's fault.

Jason: you little-!

* * *

Once upon a time-

"Tuck and roll!"

Clark burst through the door, cradling something in his arms.

"Clark? What's going-?"

Diana ran through the door next and tackled Clark, trying to grab whatever was in his arms.

"Let go!"

"Never!"

"Clark, don't make me-!"

"Hands off!"

Oliver and Barry walked through the now destroyed door next, looking very embarrassed and highly apologetic.

"Uh… sorry about the door…" Barry said. Oliver picked it up as if he was going to try putting it back in place.

"It's all good. Just gives us an excuse for the house being a mess," Dick told him. They turned their attention back to Clark and Diana.

"Let go, Clark!"

"Never!"

"Clark, come-OW! DID YOU JUST BITE ME?!'"

"No, it was him!"

"GET OFF!"

A somewhat high-pitched voice shouted from Clark's enclosed arms, and out stumbled a younger Bruce, looking disheveled.

"WHAT THE HELL, CLARK?!"

"Uh…"

Clark finally had the grace to look embarrassed.

"W-well…"

"Someone makes ONE little death threat on TV, and all of a sudden, you feel the need to KIDNAP ME and DRAG ME back HOME?"

"Uh…"

"And YOU-"

He pointed at Diana this time.

"First of all, try keeping him in line, all right princess? And SECONDLY, you SHOULDN'T TACKLE SOMEONE that's just KIDNAPPED a person! It could do more DAMAGE than GOOD."

"Bruce?" Dick asked. Bruce turned his angry glare on him.

"WHAT?! And DON'T ASK why I'm a KID."

"Nevermind, then…"

"How old are you?" Damian asked.

"13. Because SOMEONE decided to switch out the gun the threatener was going to use with the gun the Penguin stole just as he pulled the trigger," Bruce answered, shooting a pointed glare at Clark.

"S-sorry," Clark stuttered. He was scared of Batman, and, to a point, of Bruce Wayne. Bruce as a child? If Crane's fear gas was a person, it would be an angry little Bruce Wayne.

"Don't worry, Brucie," Dick told him with a smirk.

"Don't call me that."

"We know how to get you back to normal, right guys?"

Damian nodded. He and Bruce could pass for twins. They were the same age (as of right now, anyway) look freakishly alike, seemed to have the same personality…

Holy shit. Damian was an exact mini-copy of his father. This realization made him want to run back upstairs. But he didn't. Instead, he grabbed Bruce by the arm, and before anyone could say anything, was down in the bat cave.

Dick got an idea and whispered something in Mari's ear. She nodded and the two walked into the kitchen. Kory looked at who was remaining and did the smart thing.

"I'm gonna leave. Call me when you guys aren't gonna do something stupid. "

Now it was just an awkward silence.

"So… do we just stand here, or…?" Tim asked. Jason shrugged.

"Let's go out and get something to eat."

"But we just ate," Roy pointed out. Wally giggled.

"I'm a speedster… I need a LOT of food."

"Same," Barry agreed. Everyone looked at Roy with pleading eyes.

"Fine, but Clark is paying."

"Hey," Clark protested, but everyone was already out the door.

"Sure, make me pay," Clark grumbled. "I'm not the one who's rich."

* * *

Dick and Mari waited for everyone to leave before talking.

"I know you know," Dick said to her.

"What do I know?"

"You know I know you know."

"Depends on what I know."

"Ah, but we have to be careful. If we openly state what I know you know, someone could hear it, and then other people would know what we know that you know. You know?"

"Yeah, I know."

The two burst into laughter.

"Did Damian bring grandpa to the cave?"

"Yep."

"How long have you known that I know?"

"I've known for quite a while. How long have you known?"

"About a day."

"And you're totally cool with it?"

"Sure," Mari said with a shrug. "I mean, you're a cop, so it's not hard to believe what you do at night."

Dick snickered.

"What?"

"You can fly!"

Mari smiled and rose a couple feet. Dick's grin spread.

"That is so cool. Does your mom know?"

Mari landed again.

"No. I only found out about it last night."

"You know what we should do?" Dick asked her. Her smiled faded.

"What?"

"We should troll your mom."

Mari's smile returned.

"In what way?"

"She doesn't know about your powers," Dick said, as if he was thinking of a plan to take out a villain, which Mari thought was super cool. "She also doesn't know that you know what the Night Shift is. So, if we joke around, vaguely mention the different powers you have-"

"But what powers do I have?" Mari asked. "All I know is that I can fly."

"Then we need to find out," Dick told her. "Your mom has all sorts of powers, but I'm not sure if you have all of them."

"Ok," Mari said. She was excited for this.

"First of all, your mom has super-strength. Not as much as Superman, but she's still seriously strong for the average human."

"Strength? Are you kidding me?" Mari asked disbelievingly. "She can barely open a pickle jar."

"But that's to hide the fact that she has powers," Dick said. "Like how Clark wears glasses to hide the fact that he's Superman."

"Wait," Mari interrupted. "All Superman does is put on a pair of glasses and suddenly he's unrecognizable?"

"I know, right?" Dick asked, trying not to laugh (and failing miserably.)

"I don't know what's sadder… the fact that it works, or the fact that I fell for it, too."

Dick started snickering, and Mari slapped his arm playfully. Dick cleared his throat, effectively cutting off his laughter.

"Ok, try and pick me up. She once said that she needs to feel the anger of… a thousand somethings to activate the star bolts, but maybe calling on anger will activate strength, too."

Mari shrugged and picked him up easily.

"HOW AM I DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?!" She screamed. Dick was laughing and whooping like a little kid. Mari set him down on the floor, laughing along with her dad.

"What other powers does mom have?"

Dick smirked at her.

"Let's take this into the upstairs training room."

* * *

"Father, what exactly happened?" Damian asked Bruce. He was almost back to full age, now-well, kinda. He was in his early 30s.

"Ah, just another assassination attempt. Clark heard it coming, switched into his Superman outfit, and arrived just as the dude was pulling the trigger. He flew off, found the penguin's kid blaster, switched it out, and I got turned into a 13 year old. He tied the guy up, decided a 13 year old Bruce Wayne should not be seen in public, kidnapped me and took me home, but the other Leaguers had already heard what happened, Diana wanted to see me as a kid, cause last time she saw me as a kid she thought I was adorable, but Clark figured he would spare me the torment and take me straight home."

"Oh. So, it was quite the busy day, huh?"

"Seems like you guys had a handful yourselves," Bruce told him with a smirk. Damian's face flushed red. "How much did you give him?"

"Seven cups…"

"How much cream cheese is in the fridge?"

Damian was now confused.

"Um… all of it?"

Bruce breathed a sigh of relief.

"Anyone get stuck to the ceiling?"

"Drake and Todd. Todd was wrapped in plastic wrap and glued, and Drake's jacket was stapled… with him still in it."

"And you?"

Damian started fidgeting his hands. Bruce gasped.

"You got the glitter treatment?"

Damian nodded.

"The others would laugh their heads off if-"

"Are you kidding? You should never, ever, ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever trust Dick with glitter… especially when he's drunk, on a sugar-rush, or high."

"High?" Damian asked.

"A lot of assassination attempts."

"Oh."

"So, how much longer until I'm older than Dick?"

Damian smirked.

"Maybe about... another 5 years?"

Bruce smirked as well.

"Fine by me. It just means that Dick has 5 years to come up with some good revenge."

Damian panicked a bit and looked at the computer again.

"Oh! Oh, looky here-nope, sorry, I got it wrong. Nah, it's only 10 minutes. So sorry, didn't mean to get it wrong..."

* * *

"And two cheeseburgers."

Jason took the order, thanked the guy, and walked back over to their table. Wally and Roy weren't letting them live down their sugar fiasco of a prank, Tim was trying to melt into the table, and... ok, well, we already knew what Jason was doing. Barbara walked to the table, having successfully grabbed some napkins.

"We might need twice as many as you have," Tim informed her.

"But I have 10."

"But you're dealing with us," Jason reminded her, putting a hand on her shoulder. She sighed and walked off again.

"Where's the food?" Wally asked Jason. He sat down.

"Won't be ready for another 5 minutes."

"But this is McDonald's," Tim said. "I thought they pre-made the food."

"Apparently not," Jason said. Barbara walked back to the table.

"There. 20 napkins."

"Where are the girls?" Jason asked.

"Oh. They're at school."

"School?" Tim asked. Diana sighed.

"Just because Damian doesn't go to school doesn't mean other Leaguers don't send their kids to school."

"Wait... so that means that Jon goes to school?" Jason asked Clark with a smirk on his face. Clark blushed.

"Well, sure. He needs to get a good education to graduate and get a good job."

Tim smirked, now, and Roy glared at them.

"Man, I can't wait to tell Damian. He'll tease the crap out of that poor kid," Tim said.

"Why is getting a good education something to be teased at?" Oliver asked.

"It's not... but everything we know we learned from Bat-, uh, Bruce," Jason informed him.

"That explains a lot," Roy said.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Tim asked. Wally looked up and grinned.

"Food's here!"

Jason leaned close to Tim and whispered, "Probably just saved his life."

* * *

Dick and Mari had tested as hard as the training room could go. They experimented with all the powers Kory had, including some that they wanted to try out just for fun.

Mari had all the same powers as Kory, including the learning-languages-through-lip-contact power, which made Dick uncomfortable, but whatever.

Otherwise, she could fly, had super-strength, was fast, could shoot starbolts, laser-eyes, heck, she could catch on fire!

Ok, she couldn't do that... but it would have been AWESOME!

Ok, sorry, back to the story. I got carried away. Carry on.

"That was awesome!" Mari exclaimed. Dick grinned at her.

"So, what do you wanna play around with?"

"ALL OF THEM."

The two burst into laughter. When they calmed down, Mari flew onto her dad's shoulders.

"Hey, dad..."

"Yeah?" Dick asked.

"Mom had this nickname for me... do you know what it means?"

"Well, what's the nickname?"

"Starshine."

Dick thought for a moment. Oh, boy, this was a lot to explain.

"Well, ok. Promise me you'll at least try to understand."

"Promise."

Dick took a deep breath.

"Ok. Your mom is from another planet-Tamaran, in the Vega Star system. How she came to Earth is a VERY difficult thing to explain, and maybe something that can wait for another day. Anyway, they speak a different language called Tamaranian. I can speak it fluently, because she taught me.

"Um... Your name, Mari, is Mar'i with an apostrophe before the "I" means two things in Tamaranian. Either Starshine, or Nightstar. We thought that if you ever found out about us being superheroes and decided to join us, you could go by Nightstar."

"It's a combination of Nightwing and Starfire, right?" Mari asked. Dick nodded. They were silent for a moment before Mari gasped.

"Wait. What do you mean 'decided to join you?'"

Dick turned and smirked at her. He lowered her gently to the ground.

"Well... we figured that if you got powers, you would decide to use them. Well, me being a Bat, I thought ahead, and with Kory's help..."

Mari was bouncing up and down now.

"Doyouhaveasuitforme?!"

Dick's smirk turned into a big, genuine smile. Mari squealed with joy and hugged him. She launched into the air and flew around until she was dizzy.

* * *

"There. Back to normal."

Bruce stretched and stood up from his bed thing. He turned to the stairs and saw Dick coming down, Mari resting on his shoulders. Damian looked panicked again. When Dick caught sight of his face, he burst into laughter.

"What's wrong, Dami?" he asked.

"Uh..."

Mari smiled at him.

"Hi, Uncle Damian!"

Damian looked at a loss for words. Even Bruce let out a chuckle.

"What... wait... how?"

Mari smirked at him and flew off her dad's shoulders. Damian's mouth dropped open and his eyes widened. Dick started laughing harder.

A call came in on Bruce's phone. The laughter quieted down, but Bruce's smile was still visible.

"Hello?"

Silence in the cave as Bruce's face fell.

"Wait... what? How did that... Dick?"

Bruce and Dick locked eyes. Bruce sighed.

"Understood."

Bruce hung up and turned to Dick.

"Gordan says to get your uniform. Apparently, someone is in trouble and Officer Grayson is needed on the scene."

* * *

"I KNOW MY RIGHTS!"

"Sir, if you could please-"

"No way, you're in the wrong!"

"Sir, just calm down-"

"Put your gun away, Mister Officer!"

A sharp whistle rang through the area.

"What is going on here?"

Jason, Tim, Barbara, Clark, Diana, Oliver, Barry, Wally, and Roy turned to see Dick, arms crossed, glaring at each of them in turn.

The police officers they "communicating with" all turned to him in shock. When Tim looked past Dick's shoulder, he could see Bruce, Damian, and Mari all looking angry as well.

"Officer Grayson, these 9-"

"Just tell me what happened, please."

"I got this," Jason interrupted. In an overly dramatic voice, he said, "Officer Grayson, I may not have a driver's license, but I do, in fact, have a Learner's permit. In fact, I will show it to you right this-"

"A piece of paper with the words "Learning, asshole" does not count as a learner's permit," Dick said, sticking his hand out. Jason sighed and put the car keys in his hand.

"When did you see it?"

"Five days ago when you tried pulling the same stunt," Dick told him. He handed the keys to Bruce.

"Why don't you take them home? I'll handle things here."

* * *

"Well, today was one heckuva day, wasn't it?" Jason asked. He got grounded for trying to trick police officers. Well, it could have been worse. Thankfully, Dick managed to keep him out of prison.

"Most of it was your fault, by the way," Dick reminded him. They had spent a good majority of the day (it was currently 11 at night) doing whatever they did. Now Bruce was in bed, Damian had fallen asleep in the car, Barbara ran over to the school to pick up Cass and Steph, Kory took Mari home... the only ones still up and about were Dick, Jason, Tim, and Alfred, who, after returning to an empty manor, decided to not bake any cookies for a whole week. You can guess how Jason felt about that.

"I know it was my fault. But it was all worth it."

"Head upstairs and get some sleep, Jason. We'll continue telling stories tomorrow."

"What's the next story again?"

"The North Wind and the Sun."

* * *

Dick: Bruce will always return.

Jason: …

Dick: what?

Tim: what are you talking about?

Dick: you don't wanna know.

I don't either.


	27. Batman v Superman v Coat

Hey guys welcome back! My phone was being weird, and the original document of this got deleted, SOOOOOOO...

Dick: shame, too. I believe you threatened to murder me.

Tim: oh, yeah. She did. What did you call her?

Jason: Jelly-legs.

Tim: within reason, dear brother, she tried to murder you.

Dick: shut up...

**I line Break**

Alfred jumped slightly upon entering the kitchen. Dick was sitting at the table, surrounded on all sides by a bunch of important-looking papers. Alfred would have thought Bruce would be the first one up... and certainly not at this hour. He was enough to get out of bed at 10 in the morning.

"Good morning, master Dick," Alfred greeted, getting a cup from the cupboard.

"Mornin Alfred," Dick answered, not looking up. Alfred set a kettle on the stove and turned it on.

"Might I ask what you're doing up so early, sir?"

"Jason's little stunt yesterday gave me a whole stack of papers to fill out," Dick said. He yawned a little. "Hey, Alfred, what time is it?"

"2 in the morning, sir."

Dick looked up at him with a "confused puppy" look on his face.

"Why are you up so early?"

The kettle started whistling, so Alfred grabbed it and poured the water into the cup he grabbed earlier. He then removed a hot chocolate package from the dresser and poured it into the boiling water, gave it a stir, and set it down in front of Dick.

"Sir, I'm always awake this early in the morning."

Dick frowned and took a sip of the hot chocolate.

"And you complain about us."

"Well, sir, it is my job to complain about your well-being," Alfred told him. Dick smiled warmly at him.

"Doesn't mean we can't start harassing you about yours."

Alfred chuckled and rubbed the top of Dick's head affectionately. Dick was too much like a puppy... it was hard to resist. Dick sighed and Alfred withdrew his hand.

"Do you think these papers can wait until later? I don't wanna do them," he asked. Alfred chuckled.

"When are they due?"

Dick thought for a moment, checked the papers, looked at the file they arrived in, and shrugged.

"It doesn't specify... so, is that a 'good to bed, Mr. Grayson, or Jason won't be the only one not getting any cookies'?"

Alfred laughed at the impression. It was on point... except for a couple of things.

"No, this is a 'go to bed, Master Dick, or I'll grab one of Master Bruce's tranquilizer guns'."

Dick gasped dramatically and stood up, rearranging the papers in the folder and giving Alfred a hug.

"Goodnight, Alfred!"

"Sir, might I remind you that it's morning?"

"Right... good morning, Alfred!"

Dick bolted back up the stairs with the silence and grace that only he could muster. Alfred sighed to himself. When did his life get so weird, and yet so fun?

5 HOURS LATER

Dick walked back down the stairs, yawning. He saw Damian, Tim, and Jason speaking in hushed tones by the couch. The girls were sitting off to the side, whispering.

"Um, ok."

Everyone jumped when he spoke. Alfred could be heard working in the kitchen.

"Do you guys want the next story?" Dick asked. He knew that there was no chance they would tell him what the whispering was. No problem, though. When it comes to cookies, Jason sold easily. Good thing their enemies didn't know that. He'd sell them out in a heartbeat for Alfred's cookies, but nobody can bake like Alfred, so to get that, they would have to capture Alfred, meaning they would need to already have the information that they would kidnap him for.

In other words, trying to make Jason talk by using cookies was more of a waste of time than a worrying plan.

"Alright, let's finally tell The North Wind and the Sun."

_Once upon a time, the South Wind and the Moon were out on a stroll. They ran into the North Wind, Batman, and the Sun, Superman._

Jason snickered.

"What?" Dick asked him.

"That's a bit ironic," Jason answered. "It's like 'Batman v Superman' or something. Lemme guess, you're the South Wind and Jon is the moon?"

"Close, but not quite," Dick said, catching onto Jason's train of thought. "Conner is the moon."

Tim frowned.

"Wouldn't it make more sense if Damian was the South Wind and Jon was the Moon?" he asked. Dick shook his head.

"They have the same kind of rivalry that Bats and Supes have. Conner and I can stand in the same room and have a normal conversation."

"Define a normal conversation?" Damian asked. Jason and Tim snickered while Dick explained.

"A normal conversation is a conversation that does not involve swords, guns, knives, batarangs, laser eyes, wings, mystical rings that can bring people back from the dead, spray-painting the batmobile pink-"

He was cut off by the large fit of laughter from his brothers. He waited for their laughter to die into giggles before finishing.

"And how much melatonin someone should slip into a speedster's food for them to fall asleep. You'd be surprised how long it takes. We went through, like, ten 8-millimeter bottles or something."

"It was Wally, wasn't it?" Tim asked sarcastically.

"Nope," Dick said. "Bart."

Tim fell on the floor in laughter. Once he had finally calmed down, Dick continued with the story.

_Batman and Superman had been arguing nonstop for the past week! It was either who's cooler or who's hotter. No one knows!_

"Ok, Bruce is cool- he's awesome, even," Tim interrupted. "But I wouldn't exactly call Clark 'hot.'"

"Well, he's the Sun, so deal with it," Dick told him.

_Me and Conner had finally had enough. We told them to find a way to prove who was better: the Sun, or the North Wind?_

_A man was walking by with a heavy coat. It wasn't a particularly cold day, but it wasn't exactly warm, either. Conner got an idea. _

_"Whoever can take the coat off that guy first is the best," he said. Batman and Superman accepted the challenge immediately. _

"Well, that's not fair," Damian pointed out.

"What isn't fair?" Dick asked.

"The sun could easily win that," Damian said. "All he has to do is warm up first."

"The sun has to warm up?" Jason asked. Damian looked at him. He was about to say something before face-palming.

"Todd, I will murder you one day."

"Can't wait, little demon."

Dick cleared his throat. Jason and Damian returned their attention to him.

**_(Yes, this is a bit of an unfair battle, but I have to say something really quick: the ending of the story may end up surprising you. I'm going to tell two different versions of the ending. You will hear them both. Ready?)_**

ENDING 1:

_Batman went first. He blew on the guy, but he only wrapped the coat around himself tighter. Bats blew harder and harder, but the coat did not come off. Finally, he had to give up. _

_Superman shone bright, getting closer to the man until he was sweating. He had to take off his jacket due to the sudden warmth, thus declaring Superman the winner. _

_Batman, in a fit of hurt pride, flew off and wasn't seen again. They say he's still angry about losing. _

"The End."

Tim's hand was in the air immediately.

"Yes?"

"The man didn't question anything?" he asked. Dick shook his head.

"Nope."

ENDING 2:

_Batman decided to go first. He whispered something in Dick's ear, who nodded with a smile on his face. The two started blowing on the man, spinning around and around until they were dizzy. _

_But their efforts were not in vain, for they had summoned a TORNADO around the guy. The jacket slipped off his shoulders, then off his arms. He grabbed onto the jacket for as long as he could, but he eventually had to let go. Once the jacket was out of his hands, the tornado stopped, and Batman was the winner. _

_The man glanced up at the sun quickly, seeing two clouds and the moon all chilling in the same patch of sky. He raised his fist and shouted some unpleasant things at them. I'll let you use your imagination for that one. _

"The End," Dick said. His brothers clapped dramatically. Dick also took a dramatic bow. He glanced at the clock. It was 10 in the morning.

"Looks like we're finally back on schedule!" he exclaimed. He had to admit-ever since Dick went down with the headache of the ages, they've been off schedule. Wally and Roy showing up certainly didn't help at all. Now that they were gone, things were back to a normal-ish state.

"'K guys, our next story is East of the Sun and West of the Moon."

**_Line Break_**

Dick: I just realized that you used a Megamind reference.

Tim: screw that! Batman v Superman? SERIOUSLY?

Jason(dramatic): OH!!! WOE IS ME, WOE IS ME!!!!!

Shut up or I'm kicking you out of here.

Jason(whispering): how come she hasn't done it yet?

Tim(whispering): I don't know.


	28. Story that is Two Months Late and an Ass

Hello there!

Sorry it's been such a long time since I've uploaded anything on this story. This one chapter took me two months to type up, and even then, I was only halfway through.

If you've read this story and there are some things that I've missed, I apologize in advance. And I'm also sorry for the sloppy ending. But I've spent the last three hours typing the rest of the chapter, and my wrists hurt. And if it means anything, there's 21, 585 (or maybe just 4,316, idk. The site is being weird) words just in this one chapter.

Dick: um, Sweet. I don't think anyone would have a right to get mad at you for missing something.

Jason: yeah, and if they do, we'll just toss them in a volcano.

Tim: my only question is why you tried to finish it in one night?

So I could finally get it done and out of the way.

Tim: oh... that makes sense.

Hope you enjoy, and again, I apologize for such a sloppy ending.

_**Line Break**_

Dick studied his siblings with a frown. Nothing was coming to mind. He could try not changing the characters… nah, they had already had too much of that.

He studied Damian and Steph. Nah, Damian was already a bear. How about Jason? No, then he would have to bring in Kara, and he did that already.

He hadn't thrown Artemis in a story yet. And it's been a while since Wally was spotlighted, too. Hey, that could work. Dick resisted the urge to laugh evilly. Wally and Artemis weren't here, so he couldn't torture them directly.

But he could still have fun.

"Alrighty, then. You guys ready?"

_Once upon a time, there lived a family. They had seven sons and six daughters. None of them were important enough to have names except for the youngest daughter, whose name was Artemis._

Tim sniggered. He had never heard this story before, but if Artemis was involved, then more likely than not Wally was gonna play a key role, too.

Dick smiled fondly at him for a second.

"Guys, I think I should warn you about something," he said.

"What? This story is going to involve impaling someone?" Jason asked sarcastically.

"No, that comes later," Dick said. The boys' laughing attitude disappeared.

"What. The. Heck," was all Tim could think to say. Dick chuckled softly.

"Just letting you know that we've had too many happy stories lately. It's time to go back to more depressing ones. Or, well, messed up ones."

_Anyway, one day, Artemis was chilling at home with her humongous family when there was a knock at the door. Her unimportant father opened it. There was a bear._

"I swear, if you start speaking German again…" Jason growled. Dick snickered.

_"Hey, wassup?" Said the bear. "Listen, bro, you'll be rich beyond belief if you let me take your youngest daughter home with me."_

_"Why the heck would I do that?" the dad asked._

_"Because money."_

_Artemis's dad was tempted, but he decided to be a good parent and asked his daughter if she wanted to go with him. Shocking, I know. Regardless of his rare good parenting skills, she said no._

_"But sweetie," said her mom. "MONEY."_

_Artemis sighed. There was no arguing with that._

"Wait, wait… her parents willingly gave her away? Because MONEY?" Tim asked.

"Yep," Dick said.

"That's your concern?" Damian asked.

"Well, what's yours?" Barbara asked him. Damian shrugged.

"The fact that she had a good dad."

Everyone laughed at this. Dick decided to continue.

_So, Artemis went with the bear. He brought her to this totally out-of-the-way palace thing. The two walked up the steps in silence. When he finally brought her to the top, she was a bit shocked that he led her to a very nice bedroom instead of a prison or something._

_"Simba, everything the light touches is yours-"_

Barbara threw a pillow at him. He dodged it.

_"Artemis, you can go anywhere in the castle. You can have anything and everything you want! But, know this-you CANNOT, under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, watch me while I sleep."_

_"Why?" Artemis asked._

_"One: it's creepy," said the bear._

Everyone nodded agreement at this. Seriously, who wants to wake up and find some random girl that you just somewhat kind of kidnapped staring at you while you were sleeping? Hello! Stalker alert!

_"Two: because I said so."_

_"But-"_

_The bear shoved 50 bucks into her arms. Artemis pocketed the money._

_"I promise," she said. The bear nodded._

Tim face-palmed.

"How come everyone is sold so easily?"

"Because money," Jason said. Tim glared at him.

"Jason, I will-"

Jason gave Tim five dollars. Tim grumbled, but he put the money in his pocket.

"See?"

"Just shut up," Tim murmured. Dick took pity on him and continued.

_Artemis stayed there with the bear for quite a while before feeling homesick. One day, she spoke to the bear about this._

"Ok, but… who's the bear? Can we pick?!" Jason asked.

"No."

"Come on!" Tim pleaded. "We won't make it you… promise!"

"I get the feeling that we all know who the bear is," Dick told him. Tim sighed.

"True…"

"Wait, I don't," Jason said. Damian, Cass, and Steph agreed with him. This made Tim snicker.

"You'll find out."

_"Yo, Mister Bear, I kind of miss my family. Could I visit them real quick?" Artemis asked the bear one lovely day. The bear thought about it for a moment._

_"Sure… but something has been throwing me off about your mom, so be careful, ok?"_

"Oh, really? There's something strange about the mom who literally gave her away for money without asking her consent, especially after she said she would not go? I NeveR WouLd Have GuESsed!" said Jason, full of sarcasm. Everyone laughed before Dick continued.

_So Psyche-I mean, Artemis, was given a magic mirror, which was her ride home. Belle-I mean, Artemis, was thrilled to see her massive family, and completely forgot about the friendly bear's warning about her weirdo mom._

Everyone laughed at Dick's screw-ups. Said storyteller was blushing hard.

"I didn't think that would happen anytime soon… all honesty, I was waiting for it to happen with Talia," he said. Damian halted in his laughter.

"What about my mother?"

"Remember how a couple of days ago when we started this, I told you that your mom would be in these stories, too?" Dick asked. Damian nodded nervously. "Well, her story is coming up."

"Wait, so, you had all of these completely planned out ahead of time?" Tim asked. Barbara's face paled.

"Some of them. Not all," Dick said. His family stopped laughing for fear of what Dick had planned up his sleeve.

_Artemis's mom managed to get her alone. The two were washing the dishes after a good meal, because, you know, with all the money that the bear gave them for their youngest child, they managed to get RICH._

_"So… how is life with the bear?" Her mom asked. Artemis shrugged._

_"It's good, I guess… it kind of gets lonely."_

_"How so?"_

_"Well, I don't usually spend much time with the bear. Just at night," Artemis told her. The bear's warning was coming to mind, so Artemis settled with telling half-truths._

_"What does he do?"_

_"I'm not sure… I'm usually asleep by the time he comes around."_

Tim's face paled slightly. He desperately hoped Dick would keep this story kid friendly.

His mind flashed back to Asshole the Goat.

Ok, maybe these stories weren't so Pg13…

_Her mom gasped._

_"Arty! You need to look at him while he's in there! Who knows what he's doing?!"_

_While Artemis could understand her mother's concern, she was also a bit angry. Wasn't this woman the same person who sold her to this bear in the first place? She hadn't seemed very concerned about her v- I mean, her safety then._

Now Barbara paled.

"Dick Grayson, don't you DARE go there. I didn't skip Health class every Tuesday just to hear this," she said, face red. Dick snickered softly, then promised her that it wasn't going there. Steph was an innocent bean, after all.

_But Artemis took a deep breath and nodded._

_"Ok… I'll take a quick sneaky peek," she said._

"I don't think I've ever heard anyone say 'sneaky peek' before," Tim said. Dick winked at him.

"Well, now you have."

_That night, Artemis went back to the bear's castle. She pretended to sleep while the bear climbed on the foot of the bed. Very carefully, Artemis lit a candle and held it over the bear so she could see him._

_Artemis gasped and accidentally dropped some candle wax on the bear, waking him up. Artemis just stared at him._

_He wasn't the most regal, most handsome person she'd ever seen, but there he was. The bear was actually a human with red hair and green eyes._

"Wally?" Jason asked. He vaguely remembered watching Wally and Artemis making out from his time as Robin. He cherished those memories… mostly because it also meant he had blackmail against the speedster. He wouldn't DARE use that knowledge against Artemis… she could be about as nasty as an angry Tim, which is not something you want after you.

Dick smiled at Jason's guess.

"Ring-a ding ding, we have a winner!" Dick shouted. This made everyone laugh again.

_"Dang it, now I have to live with an evil witch person!" Wally exclaimed. Artemis just kept staring at him._

_"Y-you're a HUMAN?!" she stuttered. Wally rolled his eyes._

_"What gave it away?" He asked drily._

"Don't answer that! It's on the tip of my tongue!" Jason interrupted. This made Dick and Cass snicker.

_"Wait… did you say you have to live with a witch?" Artemis asked, forgetting about her shock for a moment._

_"Yep. Thanks a lot."_

_"Sorry… hey, is there any way I could come with you?"_

_Some weird purple smoke started swirling around him, followed by an evil laugh._

_"No, but you can come find me! I'm going to the castle East of the Sun, and West of the moon."_

"Roll credits," Jason said.

_"What the hell does that mean?!" Artemis asked. Wally opened his mouth to explain, but he couldn't even see her anymore through the purple smoke._

_"Son of a-"_

_And he was gone._

"Aww," Jason sympathized. "He never got to finish his sentence."

"But we all know what he was going to say," Damian said. Dick shook his head.

"Nope. I taught Wally 10 different things to finish that sentence with."

"Really?" Damian asked. "Can we hear them?"

Barbara groaned and put her head in her hands.

"Thirteen years old, in college, a superhero, and he had nothing to do that was better than writing in the Dicktionary," she complained. Steph raised an eyebrow.

"He wrote in the dictionary?"

"No, the Dicktionary," Dick said. "Spelled with my name instead of D-I-C. Page 53, section 2: Ten Alternate Endings for 'Son of a'."

"Well, tell us!" Damian insisted. Even Jason was intrigued. Dick smiled.

"Son of a Batman, woodland elf, cheese grater, death sentence, sundae, movie, tater tot, desk chair, piece of paper, and peanut butter and jelly sandwich."

The bats were speechless, except for Barbara, who was groaning to herself in annoyance.

"That… was the BEST THING… I have ever heard," Jason said in awe. Dick smirked at them and decided to get the story back on track.

_Artemis was promptly returned to her old house in the blink of an eye. Her parents were quick to notice her._

_"Oh my goodness! WhAt haPpenEd?!" Her mom asked._

Dick put on a drunken falsetto voice for story Artemis's mom, which made everyone laugh.

_"Because of you, my boyfriend is living with a freaking witch in some castle with nonsense directions!" Artemis yelled at her mom. "Like, WHO DOES THAT?!"_

_"Whoops," said her mom, not sounding sorry. Artemis rolled her eyes._

_"Whatever. I'm gonna follow his very 'specific' directions," Artemis told her. "And I'm going alone. I don't trust you people after everything you've done to me."_

_"Just be safe, ok? Don't talk to weirdo old ladies on the side of the road," said her dad. Artemis gave him a hug._

_"I'll be fine, dad. I promise."_

"Awwwwwwwwwwww," the batboys cooed annoyingly.

_"Wait… don't any of us get a hug?" Her mom asked._

_"No, you guys can die in a hole. Besides, you aren't important enough to the story for a name."_

Everyone laughed at story Artemis's self-awareness.

_And so, Artemis set out with nothing but the clothes on her back. Along the way, she saw a weirdo old lady on the side of the road, tossing and catching a golden apple._

"Let me guess…" Tim said, rolling his eyes. Dick chuckled slightly.

_Of course, Artemis stopped and spoke to her._

_"Hey there, man," said the old lady. Artemis blinked once._

_"But… I'm a female," she said. The old lady put her hands up._

_"Hey, no hate here, bro," she said. "What can I do for you, my man?"_

"Is she stoned?" Barbara asked. Dick shrugged his shoulders and nodded.

"Sure. Let's go with that."

_"Um, I was wondering if you knew the castle East of the Sun and West of the Moon?" Artemis asked her. The old lady sat there for a moment, thinking._

_"That's a pretty long walk… and I don't know all the directions, man," she said. Artemis sighed. Now she was never gonna find him. "But, you can borrow my horse and visit my sister. Just twist his left ear a couple inches to the left and he'll know to come home. Also, take this golden apple. It's like, totally trustworthy and stuff."_

_Artemis took the apple and the horse and rode off down the road. It wasn't long before she ran into another old lady brushing her hair with a golden comb._

"Wait… how did she know where to go?" Steph asked. Jason put a hand on her shoulder.

"That would be the power of the almighty Farmer Bruce," he said. Dick facepalmed and Barbara groaned, also getting tired of the joke.

_"Yo, wassup?!" Called the old lady. Artemis remembered to twitch the horse's ear and it set off for home. Artemis smiled at this strange lady._

_"Uh, hello. I've heard that-"_

_"Oh, baby, be careful whatchu hear," interrupted the old lady. "You never know what's made up, what's not. Like, I didn't steal that windmill. How is a tiny old lady like myself sposed to pick up a large freaking windmill?! Huh?! ANSWER ME, LADY."_

_"Um…"_

_"Exactly," said the old lady. "That was just a nasty rumor spread by my sister. Not the one who's stoned, but the one who lives down the road. Boy, does she have the mouth of a sailor. I remember one time-"_

_"Do you know the way to the castle East of the Sun and West of the Moon?" Artemis interrupted her. She got the feeling that this old lady would talk till the world ended… and even then, she probably wouldn't stop talking._

"She's my favorite," Jason said.

"Kill me now," Cass said. She knew Dick could get talkative. If he let this character run around, who's to say they wouldn't be there all night, listening to him _ramble as the old lady in this story?_

_"Yeah, I do," said the old lady._

_"Could you tell me where it is?" Artemis asked. She was glad to be getting somewhere with this lady now._

_But, of course, I spoke too soon._

"Story of my life," said Tim. The bats all agreed with him.

_"No."_

_"What?! Why not?!" Artemis exclaimed. The old lady tsked at her._

_"Stupid kid, don't you know by now that that is not how these kinds of stories work?" asked the old lady. "Walk two miles down the road and take my golden comb. Talk to my sister."_

_"Thanks, but why do I need your comb?" Artemis asked._

_"How the HAIL am I sposed to know? I'm just a freaky old lady that you stopped to talk to, you little heathen. I should write you up for assault. That reminds me-"_

_Artemis put the comb in her pocket and walked down the road to the third sister's house._

"Did she just walk away?" Barbara asked. "That's a bit rude."

"If you were on a time-sensitive mission, would you stop and listen to an old lady ramble on about a bunch of nonsense?" Dick asked.

Barbara turned red and looked away.

"Why are you-oh. Now I remember," Dick said with an evil smile. "Operation Gold Rush."

"What?" Jason asked. Dick started shaking in the pathetic attempt to hold in his laughter.

"Just keep telling the story," Barbara said.

"Ok. _It was another day in Gotham-"_

Barbara threw a pillow at him.

"NOT THAT STORY, DICK!"

Jason leaned in close to Tim.

"Why do I get the feeling she wasn't saying his name?"

Tim nodded his head in agreement.

_Artemis reached the third house. Instead of an old lady, there was a piece of paper underneath a golden spinning wheel._

_"King Jason wanted you to have this," said the note. "It might help you in the future. Here is a map."_

_Artemis took the spinning wheel and followed the map all the way to... Ollie the East Wind._

There was a snort at this. It had come from Barbara.

"Are all four corners of the wind going to be Leaguers?" she asked. Dick shrugged.

"Well, why not?"

"Did the piece of paper actually talk?" Damian asked. Dick chuckled at the question for a moment.

"Why do you ask?"

"Cause it wouldn't surprise me anymore if the piece of paper actually spoke," Damian said. "Now, answer the question."

"No. It was written down," Dick said. Damian nodded, satisfied.

_Artemis asked Ollie if he knew how to read a map, because she must have read it incorrectly, but he told her that she followed it perfectly._

_"Well, crap," she said. "All three of them lied to me!"_

_"Who are you-? Oh, you're talking about the three old ladies, aren't you?" Ollie asked her. She nodded._

_"Nah, those three are just a trio of crackers. I never understood a word of what they said," Ollie said with a shiver._

"Can wind shiver?" Cass asked.

"Let's not think about that," Tim said. "I want to retain as much sanity as I can after this."

_Artemis smirked. "I don't suppose you know where the Castle East of the Sun and West of the Moon is, do you?" she asked._

_"Nope, sorry," Ollie said. "But you could try asking one of my brothers. They go everywhere."_

_"More walking," Artemis groaned, but Ollie chuckled._

_"Never fear, convenience is here!" he said. He blew her across the face of the Earth to his brother Barry, the West Wind._

_She asked Barry if he knew where the castle was. Well, when she finished vomiting, anyway. But he said he didn't know, either. He offered to blow her across the world to the South Wind, but she begged him not to. So, he just carried her there. When they arrived, the South Wind, Hal, was fast asleep._

"Wait, I thought you were the South Wind?" Steph asked.

"Would you seriously expect me to fall asleep on the job?" Dick asked.

"Yes," said all of his siblings in unison.

"Ouch," Dick said.

_Artemis and Barry just stood there, staring at Hal. Finally, she sighed._

_"I can't believe it. He's asleep," she said._

_"I never would have guessed," Barry said sarcastically._

_"Do you have another brother?" Artemis asked. She was starting to get desperate._

_"Actually, yes," Barry said. "Bruce."_

"The North Wind Returns," Jason said dramatically. This made everyone laugh.

"That would make a pretty interesting movie, wouldn't it?" Dick asked. Damian snorted.

"Oh, yes. Where Batman runs around with a little boy and a stick, beating people up."

_Everyone laughed harder at this. When they finally calmed down, Dick continued._

_Barry apologized for what he was about to do and blew her to the very tippy top of a mountain, where she proceeded to throw up again._

_"Jeez, what is it with kids and needing stuff?" Bruce asked himself. He asked Artemis if she was alright, to which she said she was fine. She didn't waste any time in asking him where she needed to go. He said that he knew exactly where the castle was and blew her along. When she landed, she was standing in a deserted location._

_"The only wind that's helpful is the North Wind," Artemis told herself. "Gotta remember to keep that in mind."_

The bats laughed. In their minds, this was also true for real life. There was no Leaguer more helpful (or eager to adopt a random kid off the streets) than Bruce Wayne/Batman.

_Artemis sat outside, waiting to see the witch. Out of boredom, she started tossing the golden apple. A hand snatched it out of the air before Artemis could catch it._

_"Who are you?" asked the girl. For the sake of simplicity, let's call her Kitten._

Everyone in the room was confused at Dick's choice of name, but really, Dick was happy about this. He remembered back when the Titans were still a fairly new team and he was asked to Prom by none other than Kitten. The experience was made a million times better when he got to dance with Starfire... but the point was, he didn't enjoy Prom. Especially when Kitten's eight-legged boyfriend showed up.

This was revenge on Kitten for that traumatizing 20 minutes of his life. Her dress wasn't even all that good.

Starfire looked great, though... her dress really made her stand out, and she smelled like strawberries, and-

Dick shook his head slightly to clear his thoughts. He wasn't supposed to be thinking about how great his wife had looked in a prom dress while battling a freaky cat lady, though she was hot...

"Dick, are you alright?" Barbara asked.

"Yeah, why?" Dick asked, immediately snapping back to the present.

"Because you've been silent for five minutes," Damian said.

"PSSHHHFFFT! Yeah right," Dick said, though he suspected he had been. Thinking about Kory tended to do that to him.

_Artemis stared at the girl. She was wearing a light pink Prom dress that didn't suit her at all. Maybe if the dress was darker, as well as the girl's skin. And maybe if her hair was pink, and she had green eyes..._

Dick started trailing off, thinking about Kory again. Barbara face-palmed and Jason cleared his throat, uncomfortable. Damian sighed. Was he seriously the only who was capable of dealing with this?

"OFFICER GRAYSON, THERE'S A CODE THREE IN THE AREA!" Damian shouted, and Dick snapped upright in his chair, immediately brought to attention.

"There's a giant hot dog walking around with a police baton?" Dick asked. Damian shook his head.

"No, but there is a hot dog in the room that's about to be slapped if it can't stop thinking about its wife," Damian said. Dick turned red, embarrassed.

"Um... sorry..."

_Artemis introduced herself, as did Kitten._

_"What do you want for the golden apple?" Kitten asked._

_"To spend an evening with the bear."_

_Kitten let her upstairs, but Wally was fast asleep._

_Artemis tried again the next day, bribing her with the golden comb. She was allowed to see him once again, but he was still asleep._

_When she headed downstairs to her spot, she passed a page. A page is a little boy-servant. For the sake of simplicity once again, let's just call this dude Roy._

Barbara snorted. She was sure that real-life Roy would be thrilled to hear this.

_He passed her on his way up and asked Artemis why she was so upset. When she told him, he said that he would let the bear prince know that Artemis was there for him._

_The next day, Artemis blah blah blah with the spinning wheel. She got upstairs, Wally was awake, the two kissed, yaddah yaddah. The witch lady was dissolved with some iconic line from some iconic movie, Wally and Artemis made out, Roy took a bunch of pictures and posted them all over town, and the two got married the next day, because that's how fairy tales work._

"The End."

"You got rather lazy with that ending, didn't you?" Damian asked. Dick shrugged his shoulders.

"I've been telling that one story for the past two hours," Dick said. "Which means it's time to eat. After lunch, we'll pick up with The Sorcerer's Apprentice."

_**Line Break**_

In the event that you haven't noticed, I am pulling scenarios from the shows Teen Titans and Young Justice. I have combined them into one, along with what little knowledge I have of the comics, and a couple of the live-action movies here and there. I may end up mentioning Bat Shark-repellant in the future, so be on the lookout for that. Ok, I'm finally gonna have some respect for my poor wrists. Until next time!


	29. The Bruce's Apprentice

Hello everybody! It's been a while since I've updated this story, hasn't it?

Dick: yes, it has. Where have you been?

I was... uh...

Jason: wait! Before you finish that thought...

?

Dick, Jason, and Tim: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Guys, it's not my birthday.

Dick: Well, it was a couple weeks ago, wasn't it?

Yeah, a COUPLE WEEKS AGO.

Jason: just accept it.

Tim: yep. No backsies.

Ugh, fine. Thanks guys.

Dick: now, where were you?

I was busy... eatingashoe...

Tim: what?

I was eating a shoe, alright? I got a chocolate shoe for my birthday and was eating it... it was a big shoe, too.

Jason: were there strawberries?

Yes! They were SO GOOD! And they were IN THE SHOE-

Dick: alright guys, enjoy the chapter.

* * *

Dick took a deep breath through the nose and let it out slowly. Lunch wasn't as catastrophic as it usually was, which was saying something, considering his family. They all managed to sit still long enough to actually finish the food that Alfred had so very kindly set out for them.

But now, it was time to dive once again into the insanity of storytelling. Dick was the last one inside the main room after being the only one with enough decency to stay and help Alfred clean up. When he arrived in the room, the story chair was lying on its side and the boys were engaged in a wrestling match on the floor with Tim shouting "he's a bona fide midget," Jason shouting "waffles will rain from the sky," and Damian shouting "chickens will rule the world."

It was a beautiful sight to behold.

Dick stepped around his brothers and picked up the Story Chair, setting it up and silently betting on Jason as the winner.

"Ow! Tim, you fu-"

Ok, nevermind. Tim wins. Who knew that biting could be so effective?

"Alright, guys," Dick said. He sat down in the chair and watched everyone for a moment longer. "You ready?"

"What story is this again?" Barbara asked. Dick smirked.

"The Sorcerer's Apprentice," he said. Barbara nodded, fearing the look on his face, and sat down on the couch. She, Cass, and Steph decided it would be best if the boys just fought it out. Even Dick seemed a little scared to ask.

"Alrighty then."

_Once upon a time, in a place we call Camelot, there lived an old wizard and his student… Jason._

This made the boys on the floor stop wrestling. They stared at Dick with wide eyes and got up, stumbling over each other to sit properly. When they were finished, Dick cleared his throat. He was uncomfortable, but hey, this was his family. Stranger things have happened other than his brothers sitting silently, giving him their undivided attention.

Nah, screw it, this was the weirdest thing on the planet.

_The wizard wasn't important enough to have a name since this story is about his apprentice. One day, the wizard needed to head out and run some errands. Jason wasn't the most trustworthy person, but he couldn't bring him along for some strange reason, so he decided to leave the most untrustworthy person in the whole village alone in one of the most dangerous places in the world._

"Ah, so he's a worshipper of the Farmer Bruce cult as well," Jason said. Everyone burst into immediate laughter at his comment. Even Dick found himself laughing this time.

"It's officially a cult now?" Damian asked him. Alfred, who was passing through the room to get to the stairs, sighed and facepalmed.

"How does Master Bruce put up with all of you?" he asked himself. Without another word, he headed up the stairs and left the kids to their laughter.

"I guess this means the sorcerer has a name now?" Tim asked rhetorically. Dick sighed as well.

"Whatever."

_"Jason, I'm making the decision to trust you alone in here," Sorcerer Bruce told Jason. Jason rolled his eyes._

_"You're gonna go out and teach bears how to speak German again, aren't you?" he asked. Bruce spluttered indignantly._

_"What? No! Don't be ridiculous... it's gonna be Russian this time," he said._

"When is it?" Barbara asked him. Dick chuckled evilly.

"That is for me to know, and for you to be tortured by," he told her.

_Jason groaned._

_"When are you going to teach ME some magic?" he whined. Bruce sighed._

_"When you're more responsible," he said. Jason pouted._

_"Come on, pops. Teach me some magic! You have no idea how re... how respensible... reprehensible... I'll be!" he said._

_"It's responsible, and no. You can't even say the word!" Bruce said. Jason frowned before shrugging nonchalantly._

_"Well, don't be too long," Jason told him half-heartedly. "I don't wanna sit here, bored, for too long."_

_Bruce practically ran out the door at this. He had a bad feeling about what Jason would do, but, being a Bruce, he ignored it._

_When Sorcerer Bruce was gone, Jason rubbed his hands together and eyed everything in the tower._

_"Ok, since he ran out of here screaming like a monkey on helium, I'm going to have to find a way to segue into doing the menial chores from the original story," Jason said._

This little bit of fourth wall dialogue made the bats chuckle a little bit.

_Jason ran over to Bruce's spell book- _"God, that feels so weird to say,"_ -and saw the spell that had been conveniently bookmarked. Jason shrugged and decided to gather everything that Bruce would probably need to cast the spell._

_"Alright, but there is absolutely no way I'm running up all those stairs a hundred times with a tiny bucket of water," Jason muttered to himself._

"Is he sane?" Tim asked. Dick raised an eyebrow at him.

"Why do you ask that?"

"Because he keeps talking and whispering to himself," he said. Real-life Jason put a hand on his shoulder.

"Tim, we're all insane," he told him. "Maybe we shouldn't question other people's sanity around here."

"Besides," Damian cut in, "Grayson is the most insane of us all." Dick nodded agreeably at this.

_Jason flipped through the spellbook and found a spell that could bring inanimate objects to life. Smiling to himself, he turned to a broomstick and cast the spell. The broomstick immediately flew up to him._

_"Go get water and fill up the cauldron," Jason told it. The broom raced off with the empty bucket, coming back upstairs with water in the bucket and pouring all of it in the cauldron. Soon, the cauldron was full._

_"Ok. Bye," Jason told it, but the broom crossed its arms._

"Wait... what?" Steph asked. Dick blinked at her in confusion.

"What's wrong?" he asked her.

"Since when did the broomstick have arms?" Damian asked for her. Dick smiled sheepishly at them.

"I forgot to mention that... didn't I?"

"Yes," everyone chorused. Dick sighed.

_Well, the broomstick had hands. It grew the hands as soon as Jason told it to get the water. Now, back to our regularly scheduled mayhem._

_The broomstick crossed its arms and grabbed the bucket. It flew off again, leaving Jason confused and staring after it. The broomstick returned shortly afterwards, carrying the bucket and dumping more water into the already full cauldron. Water spilled onto the floor._

_"Hey! I told you to stop!" Jason told it. He grabbed the broomstick handle, but it just swatted his hands away. It flew off again and got another bucket full of water. Jason glared at the broomstick._

_"Fine. Be that way," he told it, sticking his tongue out._

"How mature," Damian said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. Jason just snickered.

"Might be because he was being rude to the broom," he said. Everyone stared at him. "What? You should always be polite to inanimate objects. You never know..."

"Ok, then..." Dick said.

_Jason grabbed an axe that was conveniently sitting in the corner and chopped the broomstick into pieces. He grabbed a towel, prepared to clean the floor, when 50 MORE BROOMSTICKS started flying around him, filling up the cauldron 50 times as fast!_

_Soon, the whole tower was flooded! Jason was sitting in the cauldron, axe in hand, swinging at the mini broomsticks flying around!_

_"Stupid broomsticks! Fight me like a man!" Jason shouted._

Real-life Jason nodded, agreeing with his story self.

_Unknown to Jason, Sorcerer Bruce was outside the tower, about to open the door. He heard Jason shouting at the broomsticks and sighed, angry at himself for leaving Jason there all by himself._

_He opened the door and all the water rushed out at once. He stepped inside and was a little shocked to see Jason wrestling a broomstick. The other broomsticks saw Bruce (well, as much as they could see, being eyeless broomsticks and all that) and flew away, scared. Bruce just stared at Jason, who was now shouting profanities at the accursed broomstick and was claiming to be strangling it._

Dick and Jason shared a look here. This part of the story sounded and felt a little too familiar. Jason cleared his throat awkwardly and averted his gaze, getting everyone else curious.

"We agreed to never discuss this again, remember?" he asked snarkily. Dick, with a victorious smirk, decided to finish the story.

_Bruce cleared his throat, getting Jason's attention. The kid froze, staring back at Bruce._

_"Um..."_

_"I'm not even going to ask," Bruce said. "I guess it's time I ACTUALLY teach you some magic, huh?"_

_Jason smiled victoriously at him._

_"I knew you'd come around," he said._

"The End," Dick finished. There was slow clapping from the door and all heads turned to see Black Canary leaning against the doorframe.

"Nice job, Dickie," she said. Dick glared at the nickname. Canary ignored it, walking over and rubbing the top of Dick's head.

"What are you doing here, Dinah?" Dick asked her. He fixed his hair, which had been messed up when Canary rubbed his head.

"Whatever happened to Aunt Dinah?" she asked him teasingly. Dick turned a little red when his brothers started giggling.

"Aunt? Dickie? What's going on here?" Damian asked, cheeky smile on his face. Dick smiled, too, when Dinah turned her attention to Jason and Tim.

"Hey there Jaybird, little Timmy," she said. This time, the two mentioned boys turned red while Damian proceeded to laugh harder and Dick joined him. "The Bat asked me to stop by and make sure you weren't killing each other. He said something about Jason almost being arrested or something..."

"Go with 'or something'. You don't wanna know," Dick told her. She smiled warmly at him.

"So, you guys have just been sitting here telling stories?" she asked. Barbara scoffed.

"More like Dick has been driving us insane," she corrected. Canary nodded.

"Yes, he tends to do that," she said. Dick gasped dramatically as a thought struck him.

"Dinah, do you want to tell the next story?" Dick asked her. She blinked in shock.

"Uh..."

"Great!" Dick interrupted her. "Next up is Goldilocks and the Three Bears, brought to you by: Black Canary!"

* * *

Sorry it's a rather short chapter... but at least it exists, right?

Dick: yeah... let's just agree with that...

Jason (snickers): Dickie.

Dick: I'm going to kill you.

Tim: I'll take care of this. Stay safe everyone!


	30. Connorlocks and the Three Trolls

Hello everyone! I exist.

I don't feel like this chapter is as chaotic as they usually are... well, I think they're chaotic, I don't know about you guys.

**To Prisma19: Aww, thank you so much! Your comment really made my day! I'm glad you're enjoying this story so much! I looked through my book to see if I had any stories that I could throw your suggestion at, but I couldn't find any, which was upsetting. Do you have any stories that you think would be able to fit that? Cause that would be a lot of fun to write about!**

I hope you all enjoy this story!

Dick: I know I did.

Jason: you like ALL the stories.

Tim: your opinion doesn't count.

Dick: pft, yeah, sure.

No, Dick, they're right. Then again, I'm not taking ANY of your opinions into consideration.

Jason: what? Why not?

Because you guys are all the stars of the chapters?

Jason: ...

Tim: ...

Jason: fair.

* * *

"Hold on... what?" Dinah asked. Dick had offered his seat to her, and she had foolishly taken it. "Listen guys, I don't know what you want me to do, and I don't really have time to tell any stories..."

"It's easy, aunt Dinah," Dick said. "Just tell Goldilocks and the Three Bears, except you have to substitute the characters in the story for those of us in real life."

"How do I do that?" she asked. Dick thought for a moment.

"Who do you see as being Papa Bear?" Dick asked. Dinah thought for a moment before shrugging.

"What about Goldilocks?" Damian asked. Dinah shrugged again, then snapped her fingers as if getting an idea.

"I think I get it now," she said. Dick settled onto the couch beside his brothers and waited for Dinah to start the story.

_Once upon a time-_

"Good. She knows how to start a story," Cass said. Upon seeing Dinah's confused look, Cass smiled sheepishly and waved off the unspoken question.

_Once upon a time there lived a little boy named Connor._

"Am I allowed to do that?" Dinah asked. Dick nodded.

"Yeah. We've done it PLENTY of times," he said. Dinah nodded.

_Connor never listened to his parent's warnings about going into the forest, so one day, he went into the forest._

"Naturally," Tim said, rolling his eyes.

"Yes, because who listens to dangerous warnings about staying out of dangerous forests that could kill you violently?" Jason asked sarcastically. This warranted a snicker out of Steph and Dick.

_He got lost pretty quick. He ran through the aforementioned Dangerous Forest of Danger until he ran up to a small house in the woods._

"Because that isn't suspicious or creepy at all," Damian said.

_Connor being... well, Connor... he walked into the house without knocking first._

"Isn't that trespassing?" Steph asked.

"Yes," answered Dick.

"And that's illegal," Steph said.

"Very," Dick told her.

"Then why did he do it?" Steph asked.

"Because plot convenience," Dick informed them. When the two were finished, they gestured for Dinah to continue.

_He smelled something delicious coming from the kitchen and followed the scent to three plates of freshly baked cookies. The first plate's cookies still had chocolate melting from them, meaning they were straight from the oven and too hot to eat. The second plate had obviously been the first batch out, since they were fairly cold. But the third plate was absolutely perfect, so Connor ate them all._

"Rude much," Steph muttered. This got a giggle out of Cass.

_He wandered back into the living room where he saw three chairs by a fireplace. The first chair was pure wood, with nothing to cushion it. The second one, he didn't even bother to sit in because he was worried about drowning in all the pillows on it. But the third one had one nice, little cushion that was pretty comfortable. He sat in it, eventually breaking it._

"What a jerk," Damian said. His eyes widened as if he had gotten an idea, and he whispered something in Steph's ear. She smiled and repeated whatever Damian had whispered to Cass, who nodded. Damian took that time to whisper to Tim, who whispered to Jason. Dick, Barbara, and Dinah shared worried glances.

_Finally, he got sleepy and headed upstairs, where he faced the same problem with the beds. He didn't bother with the first two beds, since he knew that the third one was always perfect. He lied down in it and fell asleep._

_Little did he know that the owners of the house were outside, about to head in._

"Busted!" Tim and Jason chorused. They both turned red, realizing that they had said it exactly the same way at the exact same time, making everyone laugh.

Once they calmed down, Dinah continued.

_They were... Roy, Wally, and Dick._

The bats all started cheering and clapping while Dick held his head in his hands and cursed every single one of them. Dinah stared, wide-eyed and horrified, at what she had just done. She hadn't doomed Dick to a killer headache, or cannibalism, or... whatever else usually happened to the bats. No, she just granted his brothers the worst form of punishment that could ever be bestowed upon a human being.

Leverage. Blackmail. Bragging rights. There are many names for it, but the point still stands that she just doomed Richard Grayson to an eternity of torture.

Once the bats stopped, Dick held his head up high.

"One word, and you guys can all say goodbye to the things you love most," he threatened. His siblings all stopped, frozen in their seats and staring at Dick in fear. Dinah had to hide her smirk. He wouldn't target anyone or anything living... he was talking about material possessions. But still. He was being completely serious and using the voice he uses only when he is so.

Dinah took the opportunity to continue the story.

_They walked into the kitchen to check on their cookies. What they saw shocked them._

_"Dude... we've been robbed!" Roy shouted. He ran over to his cookies to make sure they were all still there. "Yay! My cookies are safe to eat now!"_

_"Nothing you make is ever safe to eat," Dick told him._

Real life Dick shrugged as if this were true.

_"Hey!" Roy complained._

_"Stop getting on each other's nerves," Wally told them._

"Wow... Wally, being the voice of reason?" Barbara asked. "There's something going on in that world that I don't want to know about."

"Who knows? Maybe it's some kind of life-threatening virus that's making people horde toilet paper," Jason said with a shrug. (But seriously people, note from the author: please stay safe out there, and make sure you have plenty of toilet paper. Not too much, as I would accuse you of hording, but enough to make it through these tough times.)

"Why the heck would people horde toilet paper?" Damian asked.

"Well, how else would they dress up as mummies for Halloween?" Jason asked.

"But it isn't even October!" Damian insisted. Jason shrugged.

"Who knows? Maybe someone is out there, pulling all the strings and controlling what we say."

Everyone stared at him.

"Or maybe I'm finally starting to lose what little sanity I managed to recollect... either way, it's all fine by me," Jason said. He shrugged again, and everyone else in the room had a silent agreement not to ask.

_Dick and Roy stared at him in shock because he was never the voice of reason. Until..._

_"You guys have it easy. At least your cookies are warm. Mine are cold," Wally complained._

"Ah, there it is," Dick said. This made everyone chuckle.

_"What do you mean 'our cookies'? Mine are completely gone!" Dick whined. Roy decided to share his cookies with Dick but not Wally, because there was something absolutely devastating about seeing Dick sad._

"True," Barbara said. "He could break hearts just by looking sad over a bad grade."

"Nuh-uh," Dick protested, but his face was a little red with the realization that she was, indeed, correct.

_They headed into the living room next, where Dick immediately ran over to his now broken chair._

_"Aww man... why me?" he asked. Wally offered him one of his cushions, and they sat together on the floor, debating how best to fix the chair (and the two oldest plotting how best to get revenge on the criminal responsible for this.)_

"They won't have to think very hard," Damian said. "We have an idea."

"Please no," Dick said to himself.

_After sitting there for a few minutes, they decided to head upstairs. Roy and Wally immediately went over to Dick's bed to check and make sure everything was all good. Dick was there first, though, and was staring at the bed with an unreadable expression on his face._

_"Guys... there's someone in my bed," he said. Roy and Wally approached the bed carefully, staring at the sleeping figure of Connor._

_"Poke him," Roy said to Wally._

That comment made the bats laugh, but Dinah knew the trio well enough from years of watching over them to know exactly how this situation would have played out in real life.

_"I'm not gonna poke him," Wally protested. "You poke him."_

_"There is absolutely no way I'm poking him," Roy shot back._

_"Why not? Too chicken?" Wally taunted him._

_"This coming from the guy I originally told to poke him!" Roy whisper-shouted. Dick rolled his eyes._

_"How about, on the count of three, you both poke him at the same time?" he suggested. The two older agreed._

_"One... two... three..." Both boys counted, but neither of them moved._

_"I thought we agreed we would both poke him!" Roy accused Wally, but Wally put a hand dramatically to his chest and gasped._

_"I didn't see you move, either!" he shot back. Dick groaned and poked Connor on the cheek. He stirred awake and watched as Wally and Roy continued to argue._

_"You want me to poke? Fine, I'll poke!" Wally whispered agrily. He poked Roy in the chest._

_"You didn't."_

_"I just did."_

_"You wanna go?"_

_"Yeah, I'll go!"_

_The two continued to poke each other while Dick and Connor watched._

"You know the worst part about this scenario?" Dick asked.

"It's what would actually happen should you guys be faced with this situation?" Barbara asked him.

"No... well, yes, but no..." Dick said. "The worst part is that this exact thing happened to us when we were little, except instead of Connor, it was Bruce."

"How exactly did that go down?" Damian asked.

"You're better off not knowing," Dick told him.

_Dick told Connor to go ahead and leave, and he did so._

"The End," Dinah finished. Damian stood up before she could.

"I have an alternate ending," he said. Dinah, Dick, and Barbara shared one more worried glance with each other before Dinah gave the Story Chair to Damian.

_How about, instead of letting him go, Dick, Wally, and Roy were still bears the whole time._

"Uh-oh," Dick said.

_Instead of arguing childishly about who was supposed to poke Connor, the bears just ATE him._

Dick, Barbara, and Dinah stared at Damian in horror, who shrugged and sat down.

"That's the ending we came up with," he said. Dick turned to his other siblings who were all trying their best not to laugh.

"I did tell you about going to the Carnival, right?" Dick asked Damian.

"Yes, but you said it was a lion," he said. Dinah looked confused now.

"What are you guys talking about?" she asked. Steph pulled her aside to explain.

"It might have been a lion, but still. And Canary never specified that we were bears in the story, just that we owned the house," Dick explained. Damian froze, a look of horror slowly seeping across his face. In his peripheral vision, Dick could see the rest of his siblings mirroring Damian's look as realization hit them. "Which means if we ate Connor, that's cannibalism."

_Um... then afterwards they ate pancakes?_

Dick shook his head in both disappointment and admiration. Dinah cleared her throat uncomfortably.

"So... everything is all good here..." she said. She had her arms crossed, but Steph was smiling beside her. "So... I'm just gonna go..."

"Bye Aunt Dinah!" Dick called after her as she walked out the door. He turned his attention to Steph now. "What did you tell her?"

"I just told her that Dick told a lion to eat someone," Steph said. She shrugged her shoulders while Dick facepalmed.

"Know what? Let's just move on," he suggested. "The next story is going to be Peter and the Wolf."

* * *

Tim: I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 1,000. Try and guess.

Dick: 5?

Tim: nope.

Jaosn: 3?

Tim: still nope.

Dick and Jason: 27?

Tim: nu-uh.

This is going to take a while.


	31. Terry and the Joker

Hullo there!

Dick: did you just say 'hullo' instead of 'hello'?

Yes, and it WASN'T a typo.

Jason: yes, you are weird.

Many thanks.

Jason: ...

Anyway, part of the reason I haven't uploaded in a while is because I was trying to match up characters in this story. I was finally satisfied with a choice, and this is the result.

* * *

Dick opened his mouth to start the next story but was cut off by the ringing of the Grandfather clock that blocked the entrance to the Batcave. Grandfather clocks only ring on the hour, but Bruce had it set up so it would only ring at 12. Which means it only rang twice a day. If they already had lunch, this meant that it was currently midnight and Bruce hadn't come home.

This sent a shiver of fear throughout the Batkids, who all jumped up and headed immediately for the cave. Not only did Bruce not come home, but Alfred disappeared up the stairs some time ago.

"Dinah mentioned that Batman sent her to check on us," Dick remembered. The bats all suited up quickly and headed towards the computer. "Which means that she knows where he is."

"Maybe he told her through call," Jason mentioned. He quickly checked his pistols to make sure they were loaded. No one but Jason knew what kind of pistols he had, but he always claimed that they were the best in the world, saying they were "custom-made just for me, so if anyone tries to steal them, I will blow their head off." The family never asked him after that.

"Let's try calling the League, just to be sure," Barbara suggested. Tim made a face that confused everyone except for Dick and Barbara.

"You look like you don't like the League," Steph noticed. Tim nodded.

"Why not?" Damian asked. Tim shrugged.

"Bit personal," he said. He didn't elaborate, so the others just dropped it.

Dick dialed the Watchtower. They waited for a few minutes before Hal answered.

"Hello?" he said. Dick smiled at him.

"Hey Hal," he said. Hal smiled back. You don't have Dick smiling at you and not smile back.

"Hey, Dick, wassup?" he asked.

"Bruce didn't come home and it's midnight," Dick explained. He ignored his siblings in the back, all starting to make theories and place bets behind him. "Would you happen to know where he is?"

Hal nodded solemnly.

"Batman, Wonder Woman, and Superman ran off to another planet for an emergency," he said. "They got a call saying that something beyond weird was going on out there."

"Do you know when they'll be back?" Dick asked. In his peripheral, he saw Jason slip Tim a 10.

"Batman said it would take around 5 months... if it took any longer, we should assume they got stranded on a planet and one of them resorted to cannibalism," Hal said. Dick blinked while his siblings laughed behind him. Hal smiled sheepishly. "Yeah... Clark and Diana didn't find it very funny, either..."

"So... no Bruce for 5 months," Dick repeated. Hal nodded.

"Yep. Sorry."

"No, that's fine. Thanks for letting us know," Dick informed him. They hung up the call and Dick turned to his siblings, who all shut up when he did.

"Ok, so... I'm going to be running around as Batman for a while, ok?" Dick said. Steph whined.

"Why do you have to? Can't you just go around as you usually do?" she asked. Dick smirked.

"As scary as we are, Batman is the absolute most TERRIFYING thing in Gotham," he said. "The second our enemies think there is no Batman, regardless of whether we're here or not, they WILL take advantage."

"Then make Jason run around as Batman," Tim suggested. "You guys are the same size."

"Yeah... no," Jason said. "Sorry, but Batman doesn't use guns, and guns are my primary weapon."

"Besides," Dick said. "I doubt Damian wants to be running around Gotham with Jason."

"Ew. No thank you," Damian said. Dick smirked at everyone.

"That's that," he said with a note of finality. "Now, to bed with everyone. No patrol tonight."

Everyone cheered and headed upstairs. Dick went off to find Alfred and inform him of Bruce's absence. He didn't know why, but he got the uncomfortable feeling that the next five months were going to be more catastrophic than normal.

* * *

Dick woke up the next morning feeling a sense of dread settle in the pit of his stomach. He practically ran downstairs and discovered why he had such a bad feeling.

Roy and Wally were back.

"Hey, Dick!" Wally called.

"What's up?" Dick asked half-heartedly. He continued down the rest of the stairs and was given a bowl of cereal from Tim.

"We heard Bruce is out," Roy explained. "We decided to come and keep you guys company."

"Oh, joy," Alfred said sarcastically from the kitchen. He had overheard what Roy said and knew what was going to happen within the ensuing next 5 months. Wally laughed.

"Relax, Alfie," he said. "We won't do anything drastic!"

"That's what I'm worried about," Alfred said, rolling his eyes. Before anyone could question what he meant, the butler/grandfather excused himself from the area, instead heading to the grandfather clock that led to the Batcave. Dick shrugged and sat down in the Story Chair, bowl of cereal in his hand.

"A'ight," he said, mouth full of cereal. "Ith net ory ith E'er n eh Olf."

"What?" Damian asked. Jason tsked him.

"'This next story is Peter and the Wolf'," Jason translated. The Bats all went "ooh," or "so that's what he said." Well, all except Barbara, who was too used to Dick dicking around.

Wait…

Dick swallowed down his mouthful and started the story.

_Once upon a time, there was a kid named Terry who lived with his grandfather, Bruce. _

A couple snickers could be heard from the audience.

_Terry always played with all sorts of birds and animals and stuff in the garden, but Grandpa Bruce always said not to leave the garden so he could avoid the wolf._

_"_Is the wolf's name Joker?" Jason interrupted. "Cause I want its name to be Joker."

A chorus of agreements rang out, and Dick sighed. He put a hand to his head, ready to throw something at someone.

"Fine! His name is Joker!" Dick exclaimed, exasperated. The others cheered.

_"Whatever you do," Bruce would tell him. "DO NOT LEAVE THIS GARDEN."_

"Can you guys guess what he did?" Dick asked.

"He left the garden," everyone chorused.

_Obviously, he left the garden. He wandered around outside, bewildered by the lack of fencing around the area, when he stumbled into a meadow and saw a duck swimming in a pond. _

_Terry walked up to the duck. _

_"Hey, I don't think you should be swimming so carelessly," Terry told her. "There's a wolf around here somewhere- "_

_"Listen, kid, I'll be fine!" said the duck._

_"_Ok, so, what's her name?" Cass asked. Dick sighed.

"Kitten," he said.

_Terry shrugged and walked away from Kitten. A bird flew down. Since SOME PEOPLE insist on every character having a name, the bird's name was Wally._

Said boy recoiled slightly, as if being hit.

_"Hey dude!" Kitten said. "You wanna join me in the pond?"_

_"Pretty sure that's just a puddle," Wally said. As the two were talking, because, you know, animals can do that, Terry saw a cat start sneaking up on the two. _

_"WATCH OUT!" Terry shouted. Wally turned around and saw the cat, whose name was Damian, and flew up into the tree. Damian the cat glared at Terry._

_"Seriously, Bro?"_

_"_Wait a second," Tim interrupted. "So, there's a duck named Kitten, and the cat is Robin?" he asked. Dick crossed his arms.

"You wanted names? Well, there you go!" he said, annoyed.

_As Terry glared back at the cat, grandpa Bruce came outside and saw the gate. _

_"Why do I even bother?" he asked himself. _

_"_Because you're a Bruce," Jason said nonchalantly. "Deal with it."

This made Tim snort in amusement.

_"TERRY!" he shouted. Terry cringed, knowing he had been caught._

_"TERRY, I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU NOT TO LEAVE THE GARDEN! COME BACK HERE BLAH BLAH BLAH…"_

_You know, the usual angry Bruce noises. _

The Bats shared a laugh at this.

_As soon as Terry was back inside the safety of the garden (and Bruce had gone back inside the house, complaining about how no one ever listened to him) he saw Joker prowling around. _

The audience's eyes widened at this. Dick smirked at them.

_The hungry wolf made eye contact with Terry, then stalked off into the meadow. _

_"Oh, sh-"_

Damian cleared his throat rather loudly. Dick huffed.

_"-ipping containers!"_

This made everyone burst out laughing. Out of everything Dick could have changed it to, he chose 'shipping containers'?!

"I'm going to say that from now on," Jason said. "It'll drive Bruce insane!"

"LET'S ALL DO THAT," Cass suggested, and everyone cheered except for Dick, Barbara, Wally, and Roy. Dick and Barbara would not be participating because they were going to take some pity on Bruce, while Wally and Roy… well, they preferred their hearts beating in their chests, not in front of their screaming faces.

_Naturally, Terry felt the need to go save the meadow animals from Joker. He opened the gate again and stepped outside the safety of the garden. He wandered into the meadow, careful not to make any noise…_

Dick's voice got noticeably quieter. Everyone had to lean in close just to hear him.

_Everything was silent, even Terry's breathing. Nothing moved. _

_He slowly let another foot fall, then another, and then…_

Everyone jumped back with a scream when Dick suddenly shouted at the top of his lungs. He didn't even shout anything coherent, just… baby babble.

This resulted in the first pillow war in a while, except this time, Dick was fighting back. He managed to knock everyone down, even Damian, without breaking a sweat. Now, he was standing over them, laughing hysterically.

"I WILL MURDER YOU ONE DAY!" Jason shouted. Dick poked his nose.

"I look forward to it," he said. He continued to laugh.

After everyone had calmed down and sat back down in their seats, Dick cleared his throat.

_Joker wasn't anywhere nearby, so Terry called out for all the meadow animals to gather around. Wally hopped down from his tree branch and Damian walked up to him, sour expression on his face. _

_"_Maybe he's still upset with him for warning Wally about his attack," Steph theorized. Dick shrugged.

"Makes sense to me," he said.

"_Everyone," said Terry, "I have a plan to get rid of the Joker once and for all!"_

_"Are we going to blow him up?" Damian asked. Terry blinked at him. _

_"How would we do that?" he asked. _

_"Dynamite, duh," Damian said, rolling his eyes._

"I would never say that!" real-life Damian exclaimed. "Everyone knows that dynamite is too messy."

"Then what would you use?" Tim asked him. Damian scoffed.

"I thought the obvious answer would be C-4," he said. Dick's eyes widened in horror, but Tim just looked confused.

"Isn't C-4 more powerful and messier than dynamite?" he asked. Jason giggled.

"Big mess go boom," he said. Barbara gave him a confused look.

"What?" she asked. Jason laughed and waved a nonchalant hand.

"Nevermind," he said. "Inside joke…"

"I'm going to have to revoke your guys' explosives rights," Dick said. Tim turned to him in shock and horror.

"I didn't do anything!" he exclaimed. Dick gulped.

"Yeah… not yet," he said. Before the conversation could spiral out of control even more than it currently had, he cleared his throat again, VERY loudly, and took a deep breath.

"_I – no, we are NOT going to blow him up," Terry said. He pulled out a piece of rope and showed it to everyone. _

_"Yay, rope," Wally cheered sarcastically. _

"Sarcasm? But rope is a genuinely GOOD thing!" Wally interrupted. Dick sighed, fearing that he wouldn't get through this story before lunch. "Especially in the hands of a BAT…"

"True," Roy agreed. "The amount of times Dick saved our asses with a single piece of rope… I'm embarrassed to admit that it would ever happen at all."

Dick gave them a smug smile.

"_Would you guys please just trust me?" Terry asked, exasperated. The animals all let out long, prolonged sighs and nodded. _

_Terry had Wally fly up to a branch holding one end of the rope while Damian went up there to tie it off. _

_"_Can cats tie knots?" Cass asked. Dick raised an eyebrow at her.

"Realistically, cats can't speak, goats can't spit gold, and dogs can't live on the moon," he pointed out. He suppressed a smirk at Wally and Roy's confused faces. Cass shrugged.

"Fair."

_Terry then hid behind the tree, waiting for Damian to tempt the wolf in his direction. Thankfully, Joker was an idiot, and followed._

_When Joker got close enough to the tree, Terry wrapped the other end of the rope around his tail. Joker was yanked backward when the rope ran out. _

_Damian made his way to stand beside Terry and Wally, who were staring in shock at the now tied – up wolf._

_"Wow… I can't believe that worked," Terry said in awe. _

_"I know, right? Such a simple plan with so many factors that could've proved deadly to all of us!" Damian exclaimed. He then walked up to Joker, but not so close that he would get caught. _

_"This is for killing my brother before I could do it," he said. _

Real – life Damian coughed into his fist, but there was a smirk on his face. Dick had scored a point. To his surprise, Jason was smirking, too.

"_What now?" Terry asked. Wally shrugged. _

"Can birds shrug?" Steph asked.

"Can cats tie knots?" Dick responded.

"Apparently so," Barbara interrupted.

"_Let's send him to the zoo or something," Damian suggested. Terry and Wally agreed with him and they all lived happily ever after._

"The End," Dick finished. Damian frowned a little bit.

"That's a weird ending," he said. Dick shrugged.

"It's an ending, isn't it?" he asked.

"What happened to Kitten?" Tim asked. Dick frowned.

"Who?"

"The duck," Cass said hesitatingly. Dick frowned, trying to remember, then facepalmed when it came back to him.

"Right, her," he groaned.

_How about she was eaten by Joker when no one was looking?_

"Satisfied?" he asked. His siblings still looked unsatisfied, but he shrugged, not really caring.

At that moment, Alfred walked into the room.

"Master Dick, could I borrow you for a moment?" Alfred asked. Dick shrugged.

"Sure thing, Alfred," he said. The others sat there in awkward silence when Dick left.

"So…" Jason said. He grabbed Wally's shoulders and stood him up, shoving the poor dude in the direction of the Story Chair. "Your turn."

"Hold on, what?!" Wally exclaimed. Damian shrugged.

"Yes, it's your turn to tell a story," he said. Everyone was quick to agree, leaving Wally speechless and annoyed. Finally, he sat down with a huff and crossed his arms.

"Fine, I'll tell a story," he said. He looked down in thought, wondering what story to tell.

"Sometime today, please," Jason said, rolling his eyes. Wally turned a little red.

"I'll tell one!" he exclaimed. "How's this: Dick Whittington and His Cat!"

* * *

Dick: 39?

Tim: _sigh... _no.

Jason: 58?

Tim: nope.

Jason: 57?

Tim: Jason, you've been counting down from 1,000 for two weeks, and you still haven't found it.

Jason: with this method, I'm bound to find it at some point. 56?

Tim: still no.

Dick: 119?

Tim: JASON SAID THAT TWO DAYS AGO.

Guys, the number is 38!

Tim: why would you ruin that? I was having fun!

You were getting annoyed.

Tim: same thing, right?

Yeah, sure... oh, wait! JEN-M, I don't know if you're still reading this fic or not, but Wally's story has FINALLY come up!


	32. Dick Grayson and his Sidekick

If the story itself is poorly written, it was on purpose. I imagine that Wally wouldn't be a very good storyteller.

Dick: quite the opposite, actually. He always does the funny voices and he has a lot of energy when he speaks.

Jason: yeah, you underestimated him.

What about when he's being FORCED to tell a story?

Tim: then you're right on the money.

**Prisma19: omg thank you so much! You have no idea how happy it makes me that you enjoy this story so much! I'll try not to disappoint!**

* * *

Dick followed Alfred into the kitchen. He was already dead tired from putting up with his brothers, and Wally and Roy weren't helping. Not much had happened yet, it had barely been a day, and Dick was already worn down? How was he going to survive?

As Dick was lost in thought, Alfred had pulled out a saucepan and pot. He shoved the pot into Dick's chest, snapping him back into reality and earning him a confused look. Alfred simply smiled at him.

"Would you help me cook lunch, Master Dick?" he asked. Dick blinked and smiled tiredly at him.

"Yeah, sure," he said. He walked over to the sink and filled the pot halfway with water. He then made his way over to the stove and set the pot down, setting the stove to 7. Alfred came up beside him with an unopened package of pork chops.

"Are you alright, sir?" Alfred asked. He opened the package of meat and handed Dick a piece along with a knife. Dick started cutting the meat.

"I'm fine, why?" he asked.

"Because you're about to be stuck with the suit for the next five months," Alfred said matter-of-factly. Dick's eyes widened and he turned to Alfred, pausing in his task.

"Yeah… I am…" he said. Alfred glanced at Dick with the corner of his eye, tilted his chin in the direction of the meat ever-so-slightly, and turned back to his own task, not acknowledging the fact that they were having a conversation. Dick turned back to the meat and finished chopping it up.

"I know you don't like wearing the suit," Alfred said. Dick snorted.

"It's not just that," he said. He sighed. "It's also the fact that I have to make sure the boys don't all kill each other."

"You know, they are a LOT more lenient with you when you wear the suit," Alfred said. Dick was silent at this. He glanced into the pot and saw that the water was boiling. He and Alfred, in perfect unison, dropped the meat into the boiling pot. Alfred gestured to the fridge.

"Could you peel the potatoes, Master Dick?" Alfred asked. Dick nodded and made his way over to the fridge.

* * *

_Once upon a time, there was a little orphan boy named Dick._

"This isn't going to be a depressing story, is it?" Steph asked. She leaned her head on Damian's shoulder, making the boy blush. "I don't want it to be another sad story."

Wally scoffed, both at the mention of it being a sad story, and the adorable sight of a blushing Damian Wayne.

"It's not depressing!" he exclaimed. He paused and thought for a moment. "Well, not TOO depressing, anyways."

Steph sighed and gestured for Wally to continue. Her head was still on Damian's shoulder, and it looked like she didn't plan on moving it any time soon.

_He was dirt poor, but thankfully, the villagers loved him enough to always give him clothes and food and stuff. No, they could never hand him any spare coins or whatever. They could only spare some food and clothing. _

Jason snickered a little bit.

_He also had a pet cat named… um… _

"Wally!" shouted Tim. Everyone burst out laughing. Wally glared at him, which was nothing compared to a batglare, but the point was getting across.

"Is it not bad enough that I'm being forced to tell a story?" he asked.

"No, it isn't," Jason said, but Roy put a hand on his shoulder.

"Come on, let's try someone else as the cat, alright?" he suggested. Jason smirked, and Roy's face paled.

"That's not what I meant," he hurriedly said. Jason's smirk didn't disappear.

"No, no, you're right," he said. "Let's give Wally a little break."

"Seriously, that's a bit unnecessary," Roy tried to insist, but Tim held up a hand to silence him.

"No, it's not often that I say this, but I agree with Jason," he said. "Let's give Wally a break."

"All in favor, say 'Ice cream!'" Jason said, raising his hand in the air. Six voices cheered 'ice cream'.

Roy sighed and put his head in his hands. Wally just blinked.

"So… does this mean that the cat's name is Roy?" he asked. Roy threw a pillow at him.

"Are you capable of being any dumber?" he asked. Wally glared at him, now, and crossed his arms again.

"Are you- "

"Guys, let's get back on topic now," Jason said, clapping his hands together. Wally and Roy glared at each other for another moment before both boys huffed.

_So the cat's name was Roy. Super. _

_I dunno why, but Dick always wanted to go to London. He had heard that the streets were paved with gold or something, so he wanted to go. _

"That child is going to be sorely disappointed," Cass said. Everyone nodded.

_One day, a waggoneer passed by and Dick asked him where he was going. _

_"I'm going to London," he said. _

"You're no fun," Damian said. He crossed his arms and stuck out his lower lip in a pout, surprising them all.

"No fun?" Wally asked. "What do you mean?"

"You aren't doing any weird voices," Damian said. He huffed and kept his pout in place. The Bats resisted the urge to start laughing. This was a new tactic that Damian had recently taken to. It usually gave him whatever he wanted, but only from Dick and Bruce.

Wally visibly struggled for a moment before sighing. Then, in his best impression of a younger Dick (which, begrudgingly, was pretty spot-on) he replied to the waggoneer.

"_London? Really? I've always wanted to go there! Could you take me?"_

_The waggoneer thought about it for a moment before glancing at Dick's cat. Roy meowed. The wagogoneer sighed. _

"Wait… wagogoneer?" Tim asked. Everyone burst into laughter. Wally just frowned at Tim.

"No, the waggoneer," he said. Tim shook his head.

"No, you said wagogoneer," he insisted. Wally scoffed and held his hands up in surrender.

"I'm pretty sure I said waggoneer, but I know better than to argue with a Bat," he said.

_"I can't say 'no' to a poor kid with a cat," he said. He patted the seat beside him. "Hop in."_

_The ride to London only took a day. I don't understand why Dick didn't just walk there if they were that close, but maybe he was too young to go by himself or something. Since that's a pathetic excuse, let's just say that there were, like, ogres or something. _

Roy coughed into his arm.

"What was that?" Jason asked. Roy shook his head and shrugged innocently.

"I didn't say anything," he said. "All I did was cough."

"Cough, cough," Steph monotoned. Cass snickered beside her.

_Anyway, they were in London and Dick got lost really quickly, which made sense for him since…_

Wally hissed through his teeth. Tim raised an eyebrow at him.

"Since when is Dick bad with directions?" he asked. Roy flinched as if he had been hit.

"He isn't," he said. "But…"

"But what?" Damian asked. Wally shook his head sadly.

"But he gets distracted by everything around him," he said. "So distracted, in fact, that he'll wander off without taking stock of where he is."

"And then he'll get lost," Roy said.

"When did this happen? When was this a THING?" Cass asked. Wally smirked.

"Well, it hasn't happened since he was… 10? 11?"

"He got lost in China, didn't he?" Roy asked, chin in his hand in thought. Wally frowned, trying to remember.

"No, I think that's when he was playing Hide – and – Seek," he said. "I'm pretty sure he got lost in Morocco."

"Morocco?" Barbara asked. "What was he doing there?"

"We do not speak of Morocco," Roy said, staring at a vacant spot on the floor. Wally shivered. The Bats gave them a moment of silence before Wally was able to continue.

_He sighed and sat down at someone's doorstep. He was about to go to sleep when someone opened the door. Dick blinked at the man whose name I cannot remember, which is a shame since he was actually important to the story. _

_"Uh… hey there, small child," said The-Man-Whose-Name-I-Cannot-Remember._

_"Um… hello there, sir," said Dick. The-Man-Whose-Name-I-Cannot-Remember looked around the area, probably for the kid's parents. _

_"Where's your parents?" he asked. Dick shrugged. _

_"I'm an orphan," he said. "I dunno where they are. _

_The-Man-Whose-Name-I-Cannot-Remember felt sympathy for this kid. An idea came to him. _

_"Why don't you stay with me?" he asked. "You'll have to do some work, but I'll make sure you eat and you're comfortable and stuff."_

_"Really?" Dick asked. "Sure!"_

_Roy meowed beside him. _

_"Oh, and can my cat come too?" he asked. The-Man-Whose-Name-I-Cannot-Remember just shrugged. _

_"I don't care," he said brightly. Dick cheered. _

"The End?" Damian asked. He glanced at Steph, whose head was still on his shoulder. If her even breathing was anything to go by, he would guess she had fallen asleep.

"Not yet, Damian," Wally said. He frowned in Steph's direction. "Is she ok?"

"I think she's asleep," Damian said. Barbara nodded.

"Wouldn't surprise me," she said. "We went to bed rather late last night."

Damian nodded in understanding and gestured for Wally to continue.

_Everyone was really nice to Dick, and he always did all his chores. Roy was pretty well-fed, too, so there wasn't really anything to worry about. Only the cook didn't like him, but he didn't care, so he ignored her. _

_Overseas lived a rich, fancy person. Every year, the people in London had to send one thing over to the rich, fancy person for whatever reason. I dunno, maybe it was taxes. Whatever. When the time came for the Londoners to send stuff in, the only thing Dick was able to send over was his cat. So he did. _

"Traitor," Damian said. "He should be punished for betraying his friend like that."

"Yeah," the Bats all agreed. Roy and Wally shared a look. For a bunch of loners, the Bats sure cared about betrayal, huh?

Well, that's probably why they were loners.

_The rich dude had a big problem when it came to rats and mice and stuff. No one seemed able to get rid of them. _

"Why not call the Pied Piper?" Jason asked. Damian frowned at him.

"Call who?" he asked.

"You know, the Pied Piper of-oh, wait. You weren't raised on these stories, were you?" Jason asked. Damian shook his head. "Oh, well. I'm sure Dick will get to that story eventually."

_That's when one of his men remembered that there was a cat onboard. The brought Roy in and naturally, he started chasing off the vermin. He was dubbed a hero. _

_Meanwhile, Dick's life was misery without Roy. The cook was being a bi- "_

"Don't say it!" Barbara hissed. Roy slapped his hands over Wally's mouth while Tim gestured to the kitchen.

"Alfred is near," he whispered.

"He hears all," Jason also whispered. Wally nodded. If there was one being in the entire multiverse who was more terrifying than Batman, it was Alfred.

_Dick couldn't stand facing her by himself anymore. One day, he walked out the door and probably would have walked home to the village if he didn't remember how kind the man and everyone who wasn't the cook had been to him. He turned around and walked back inside before anyone realized he had left. _

_The-Man-Whose-Name-I-Cannot-Remember apparently had a daughter. She and Dick got married and had kids, and they also had a bunch of cats and stuff. _

"The End," Wally said. Jason slow clapped and Damian yawned.

"West, you are a very poor storyteller," he said. Wally pouted at him.

"What's next?" Jason asked. Wally and Roy jumped when a knock was heard from the kitchen. Dick stuck his head into the room with a smile on his face.

"Lunch is ready," he said. He ducked back into the kitchen. Everyone who was left in the main room just looked at each other.

"I guess that's what's next," Roy said. Cass gently shook Steph awake, and they all headed into the kitchen.

While they were eating, Dick smiled at them and said, "The next story is The Precious Stove."

* * *

Yes, I actually forgot his name. My bad.

Dick: were you talking about Galfore?

Yes, I was talking about Galfore. I remembered his name halfway through the story and decided, "screw it! I'm keeping this."

Tim: how sad.

Damian: it could be worse.

Jason: DAMIAN?!

Dick: yay, you exist!

Noooooooo!

Damian: I'm not even sure how I got here.

Tim: all you need to know is that we get to torture Sweet.

Damian: that is always a good pastime. Alright, I'm in.

Curse you all.


	33. The Shakespearean Stove

I can't believe it!

Dick: what?

This is insane!

Jason: what is?

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!

Damian: is she alright?

Tim: I don't know.

Did I really upload another chapter so quickly?! GHASP.

Dick: that's what has you so excited?

Say what you want, but it does have me excited. -w-

Dick: ok, then...

I made this chapter purposefully hard to read, cause I'm not heartless as to expect every person in the entire universe to read Shakespearean.

Jason: wait, what?

You heard me. I've asked Dick to translate everything for your reading pleasure. His translations will be in **bold text.**

Dick: it's more for their sanity pleasure than reading pleasure, but whatever.

I'm sorry Jake is a very random addition to this story.

Tim: what?

And I don't know if Blackfire actually has an Earth name or not, so I took the liberty of creating one for her.

Damian: repeat that, please?

_**Prisma19: I'm running out of praise to give you! It's people like you who give me hope for the world.**_

Dick: wait, hope for the world? That's illegal.

Shut it and help me out.

* * *

Lunch was over quickly. This was yet another story that no one was familiar with, and they couldn't wait to hear it.

Dick sat down in the Story Chair, making himself comfortable.

_Alright, once upon a time-_

He was interrupted by a knock at the door. Jason sighed heavily.

"Who has come to torture us this time?" he asked no one in particular. Tim scoffed and Damian stood up to get the door. He called back into the room.

"Um… Grayson? Didn't you say that Kory has a sister?"

Dick, with wide eyes, stood up and made his way over to the door, the others right behind him. Sure enough, there was Damian, standing at the door. It was opened, revealing Kory and Mari, along with an older woman with blackish-purplish hair and purple eyes. Beside her was a little boy about two years younger than Mari with black hair and blue eyes. Dick recognized them both immediately, and a smile overtook his face.

"Hey Mandy, hey Jake!" he said. Jake smiled and walked inside the manor, followed by Mari. Mandy sighed.

"I still wish you came up with something better than 'Mandy'," she said. Dick smirked at her.

"Well, I can't walk around calling you Komand'r all day without attracting strange looks," he told her.

"Was there really no alternative?" she asked. Dick pretended to think about it for a moment.

"Koma," he said. Her eyes narrowed in a slight glare, as did Dick's. Kory cleared her throat uncomfortably.

"So, anyway… Jake is finished with his studies," she said. Dick nodded.

Two years ago, his son, Jake, showed signs of having powers. Since Mari still didn't know about it at the time, and she wasn't showing any signs of having powers, they had sent Jake to be trained by Blackfire… or Komand'r. He still had a hard time calling her that.

The lie was a simple one. Jake had been accepted to a school somewhere else in the country, and he would be staying with their aunt while he was there. Now, he was back, and hopefully with a lot of training.

Oh, boy, that would be fun.

Mandy threw her arm around Kory's shoulders. She was still taller than her little sister, and Kory looked very uncomfortable with her sister's arm around her, which Mandy ignored.

"My sister and I need to catch up," she said nonchalantly. "You guys have the whole day to each other."

Dick nodded. She was good now, but there was still a touch of mischief that Dick didn't quite trust to leave alone. Kory could fend for herself, but he still didn't feel entirely comfortable leaving these two alone together.

"Just make sure you don't give Kory any jewelry," he said. Mandy smirked.

"I don't have any on me," she said. She turned around suddenly and started walking away. Kory leaned close to Dick's ear and whispered.

"I'll keep an eye on her." Dick nodded.

"Don't let her go through any black holes or illegal star systems," he whispered back. Kory started laughing and backed away. She turned around and followed her sister. Dick closed the door and turned to everyone, who were still standing around him. Dick's face went a little red and he coughed into his fist.

"Ok… that happened," he said. When no one said anything still, Dick gestured to the main room. "Back to the stories."

* * *

Dick settled back into the Story Chair again. Mari sat down on the couch beside her brother, explaining what was going on. He was nodding along, looking a little confused, and smiling. Dick smirked to himself, thinking that he would have to throw Jake into a story at some point.

Dick cleared his throat, getting everyone's attention. He smiled brightly at them all.

"Alright, shall we try this again?" he asked.

_Once upon a time, there was a kid named…_

Dick looked at the ceiling in thought. Who should it be…?

An evil smile came to his lips.

_Jon. He lived with his unimportant father, sister, and mother in a cottage where they were all dirt poor. _

"Not another one!" Steph exclaimed. Dick blinked curiously.

"Another one?" he asked. "But I've only told four-and-a-half stories with people that are poor."

"And a half?" Jake asked. Dick nodded.

"Yeah, the Cat and the Mouse only counts for half since they were animals."

"I renounce that statement," Jason said, raising his hand. Damian coughed into his arm, but there was a smirk on his face. Dick frowned at him.

"Thou shalt not renounce thine statement," he said. Jason's eyes narrowed in confusion, and Tim rolled his eyes.

"Calm down Shakespeare, we don't want a war," he said. Damian, Cass, and Jake snickered. They went silent when Dick smirked at them.

_Wint'r wast at each moment brutal f'r his family, but those gents w'ren't both'r'd by t too much. _**(Winter was brutal, but they weren't bothered by it.)**

"Wait… what?" Jason asked. Damian flinched.

"Um… Grayson?" he asked. Dick ignored him.

_Thee seeth, those gents hadst a quite quaint golden stove yond hath kept those folk sup'r warmeth ev'ry year. T hadst 'riginally cometh from a palace, but t somehow end'd up with those folk. I knoweth not how, but t didst._

**(You see, they had a beautiful golden stove that kept them super warm every year. It had originally come from a palace, but it somehow ended up with them. I don't know how, but it did.)**

"Can anyone understand what he's saying?" Wally asked. Everyone shook their heads 'no'.

Dick continued to smirk at them.

_One day, Jon's fath'r cameth home with a container of gold chinks and toldeth ev'ryone yond that gent hadst did sell their belov'd stove. _

_"Why wouldst thee doth yond, father? Thee didn't coequal asketh us first!" Jon did complain._

**(One day, Jon's dad came home with a bag of gold coins and told everyone that he sold their beloved stove. **

**"Why would you do that, dad? You didn't even ask us first!" Jon complained.)**

_"S'rry, brother, but we needeth the wage," his father hath said. "Besides, wouldn't thee rath'r consume this year instead of starve?"_

**("Sorry bro, but we needed the money," his dad said. "Besides, wouldn't you rather eat this year instead of starve?")**

_"I'm quaint sure ev'ryone wouldst chooseth food ov'r starving, but anon thou art just being unfair," Jon toldeth that gent._

**("I'm pretty sure everyone would choose food over starving, but now you're just being unfair," Jon told him.)**

"Is anyone else bothered by the fact that Dick is just casually sprouting Shakespeare?" Barbara asked. This made everyone freeze. Steph and Cass's mouths dropped open in shock, Roy and Wally face-palmed, and the rest of the Bats groaned. Mari giggled and Jake rolled his eyes with a small smile on his face.

Not much changed in the last two years, it seemed.

_"Thither's few or none will entertain it," did doth sayeth his father. "Point is, we're freezing this year in favor of having a decent meal."_

**("Whatever, said his dad. "Poi- "well, ok, I don't need to translate the second part.)**

"At least that one made a little bit of sense," Cass said. Damian sighed and buried his head in his hands.

_"But yond's nay fair!" Jon did complain._

_"Did shut 't," did doth sayeth his father. "I hath't the final word."_

_So, the next day, some dudes did doth cometh ov'r and did steal hence their precious stove. Jon, did upset, did climb into the stove the previous night for a final nap. Don't asketh wherefore he did nap in the stove, but he did doth._

**(Why would you do this to me? Ok, let's see… **

**"But that's no fair!" Jon complained. **

**"Shut it," said his dad. "I have the final word."**

**So, the next day some dudes came over and stole away their precious stove. Jon, upset, climbed into the stove the previous night for a final nap. Don't ask why he napped in the stove, but he did.)**

Dick panted a little bit. That one was a bit of a tongue-twister, but he managed to get through it. Tim and Jason started applauding him.

"We have no idea what you're saying, but you're doing an awesome job at talking," Jason said. Tim nodded.

"If nothing else, we can respect you for that," he said. Dick raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

"Really? Me making no sense is somehow more amazing than me memorizing a whole story word-for-word?" he asked. Tim sighed.

"My poor hundred dollars, I'll miss you," he said. Jason snickered.

_At which hour Jon did wake up, he did hath't nay idea whither he wast. His surroundings outside of the stove wast unfamiliar to him. His stomach did sink at the realization yond he wasn't nay longer at home. _

_Suddenly, the bawbling space he wast in wast flooded with light. He did cover his eyes. At which hour he finally did feel brave enow, he peeked out between his fingers and did doth cometh visage-to-visage with a sir with black hair and lush robes._

**(This one is a little easier, I guess. When Jon woke up, he had no idea where he was. His surroundings outside of the stove were unfamiliar to him. His stomach sank at the realization that he was no longer at home. **

**Suddenly, the small space he was in was flooded with light. He covered his eyes. When he finally felt brave enough, he peeked out between his fingers and came face-to-face with a man with black hair and lush robes.)**

"I swear, if you do this…" Jason growled. Mari frowned.

"Do what?" she asked.

"He's already done it, like, three times," Barbara said. "He wouldn't do it again."

"You wanna bet?" Dick challenged. Jason face-palmed and Barbara went pale.

"Jason, I am so sorry," she said.

"_Uh, ho thither," did doth sayeth King Jason._

"I curse you using the thousand souls of the damned living in Hades's realm," Jason said. Dick flashed him a large smile.

"I have no idea what you just said," he said. Jake tentatively raised his hand.

"Uh, dad? None of us understand a word of the story," he said. Dick smirked at him.

"That's what makes it fun," he said.

"But it isn't fun," Wally said. Dick scoffed.

"I never said it would be fun for YOU guys," he said. Roy growled a little in his throat but let the matter drop. It was Dick, after all.

_A palace liegeman did runneth in apace and did grab Jon by the scruff of his shirt with the intent of kicking him out, but King Jason wast coequal quicker to cease him._

"What's a 'liegeman'?" Mari asked.

"A servant," Jake told her.

"Oh, ok," she said.

_"Brother, what the heck?! Do set him down for marry sake!"_

_The Liegeman wast very did confuse._

"Confuse is right," Cass muttered. Steph giggled.

_"But sire, he's a trespasser," he did doth sayeth. King Jason did cross his arms and glared at the liegeman. _

_"Thou art already on probation for locking Lady Kara in the dungeon," he did doth sayeth. "Doth not receiveth on mine lacking valor side."_

_"I apologize, thy majesty," did doth sayeth the liegeman. _

_King Jason did nod, and the liegeman set Jon back down on the floor. Jason did nod to the peat._

"Pete?" Barbara asked.

"I think he means 'child'," Tim said. Jason scoffed.

"Figures that you would be able to translate this," he said. Tim's face turned a lovely shade of red, making everyone laugh.

"I can barely understand what he's saying, and he keeps throwing me off!" he exclaimed. Dick cleared his throat and took a deep breath to continue.

_"So, doth thou mind explaining wherefore thither's a peat in mine stove?" he did doth ask. Jon gulped. _

_"Uh, I did fall asleep in thither," he did doth sayeth. Jason smirked. _

_"Been thither, done yond. I can relate," he did doth sayeth. Jon did breathe a sigh of relief, not bothering to wonder wherefore the king would falleth asleep in a stove. _

_"So, what anon?" he did doth ask. King Jason shrugged. _

_"Thee wanna stayeth hither and taketh care of the stove? Thou shalt send lots of wage to thy family," he did tener. Jon did smile and accept the proposal because wherefore not?_

_At a point in the future, all of Jon's kids at each moment did doth ask him to telleth the story of how he ended up in the castle, caring for a stove, because nay one would ever did let him liveth yond down. _

"The End," Dick declared. "And I'm NEVER doing that again."

"And we hope you never do," Roy said. Wally glanced down at a watch on his wrist.

"Well, I suppose we've graced you with our presence long enough," he said.

"Ate our food, sat for a couple of stories, and revealed how bad of a storyteller you truly are," Jason counted on his fingers. "All before the day's end. Bravo."

"Does that mean you guys are leaving?" Mari asked. Wally nodded.

"Yep. Sorry mini-Grayson," he said, ruffling her hair. She groaned and pushed his hand away, but there was a small smile on her face.

"See you later, Jakey-Chan," Roy said, and he ran out the door. Jake blinked in confusion.

"Jakey-Chan?" he questioned. He dismissed the nickname, deciding not to spare a second thought.

"So, my tongue hates me, now," Dick said. "The next story is Little Red Riding Hood."

* * *

Dick: ok, so, I wanted to save the translation for the end of the story for down here, so here you go:

**A palace servant ran in quickly and grabbed Jon by the scruff of his shirt with the intent of kicking him out, but King Jason was even quicker to stop him. **

**"Bro, what the heck?! Set him down for goodness sake!"**

**The servant was very confused. **

**"But, sire, he's a trespasser," he said. King Jason crossed his arms and glared at the servant. **

**"You're already on probation for locking Kara in the dungeon," he said. "Do NOT get on my bad side."**

**"I apologize your majesty," said the servant. King Jason nodded, and the servant Jon back down on the floor. Jason nodded to the kid. **

**"So, mind explaining why there's a kid in my stove?" he asked. Jon gulped. **

**"Uh... I fell asleep in there," he said. Jason smirked. **

**"Been there, done that. I can relate," he said. Jon breathed a sigh of relief, not bothering to wonder why the king would fall asleep in a stove.**

**"So... what now?" he asked. King Jason shrugged. **

**"You wanna stay here and take care of the stove? I'll send lots of money to your family," he offered. Jon smiled and accepted the deal because why not?**

**So, at some point in the future, all Jon's kids always asked him to tell the story of how he ended up in the castle, taking care of a stove, because no one would ever let him live that down. **


	34. Little Red Mari Hood

_**Prisma19: yes, you are. I can tell from here! I'm sure you've made a lot of people's day with your comments. :p **_

* * *

Dick breathed a sigh of relief when Wally and Roy left. Now he only had to put up with the craziness of his brothers.

And Barbara… and Cass and Steph… and it looked like Mari's personality was reminiscent to that of his side of the family, which really wasn't a good thing, but at least she wasn't like Kory's sister.

Dick thought back to when he was dared to tell all these stories. He wondered what had possessed Tim to make him tell a hundred of them.

_"In the original version of Red Riding Hood, the wolf actually ATE the girl!"_

He smirked to himself. He was telling the whole, honest truth. Would his family accept that, though?

He glanced at Mari and the perfect idea came to mind.

Oh, yes, he was doing this.

"You guys ready for Little Red to make an appearance?" he asked. Damian crossed his arms and leaned back into the couch, no doubt remembering the whole "_he ate the girl" _thing as well. Dick felt an evil smirk playing at his lips but managed to suppress it.

_Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Mari who lived in the woods with her mom and dad._

Dick smiled at his brothers' (and the girls') horrified faces. Mari and Jake looked terribly confused.

"Dick, she's your DAUGHTER!" Barbara exclaimed. Jason scoffed and crossed his arms, much like Damian, but he was tense.

"It's not like he was being serious," he said. Dick continued smiling at him and Jason's face went pale. "Please tell me you weren't being serious."

"Does this look like it wasn't being serious?" Dick asked innocently, gesturing to his face. His family looked even more horrified while Mari and Jake shared a look of utter confusion.

_One day, Mari decided to visit her aunt, because she doesn't have a grandmother._

"Wait… what?" Steph asked. Dick shook his head.

"No grandmother," he said. Cass looked confused now.

"But what about Kory and Mandy's mom?" she asked.

"Gone," Dick said. Tim frowned at him.

"Selina?" he asked. Dick grimaced.

"She doesn't really count," he said. Jason raised an eyebrow.

"But you always called her 'mom' when she was around," he said. Tim frowned at him.

"When?" he asked.

"When I was still Robin," he said. He, Tim, Barbara, Cass, and Steph all froze and turned to Mari and Jake in horror, not knowing that they both knew. Mari and Damian turned to Jake, not knowing that he knew, Jake glanced at Dick, not knowing that no one knew that he knew and Dick burst into laughter at all of this.

"What's so funny?" Jake asked.

"I'M FIVE STEPS AHEAD OF ALL OF YOU!" he exclaimed in response. Now everyone was back to being confused, which made Dick laugh harder.

"What?" Barbara asked. Dick fell out of the chair and laughed a little harder.

"M-Mari already knew… and – HAHA! – Jake's known for… t-two years!"

Everyone looked between each other, exasperated. Of course, Dick would know this. Of COURSE, he would keep this information from them. He was DICK after all, and he was VERY deserving of that nickname.

When he finally managed to calm down, he sat up in the Story Chair and took a deep breath.

_Mari went to visit her aunt, not her nonexistant grandmother. Her mom, Kory, baked a cake and gave it to her to bring to her aunt, while I, being her dad, was out chopping wood or something. I don't know. _

_"Remember to stick to the path," Kory said. Can you guys what Mari did next?_

"She left the path," everyone chorused. Even Mari and Jake joined in. Dick felt immensely proud of everyone.

_She spotted some bluebells and, of course, wandered off the path. She got farther and farther until she ran into a wolf._

Three pairs of hands shot up into the air. Dick thought about it for a second before deciding that it was safe to let them pick. Since he was already a part of the story, they couldn't make him the wolf.

"Alright, who is it?" he asked with a sigh. Jason, Tim, and Damian huddled together and started whispering. Barbara gave Dick a look that said, 'remember what happened the last time you did this?'

Dick smiled at her ruefully. 'How could I forget?'

Barbara shook her head sadly. 'I'm not coming to your funeral.'

Dick nodded. 'Noted.'

The boys split up and all said, in perfect unison, "Bane."

Dick frowned at them.

"Why Bane?" he asked.

"Why not?" Jason asked cheekily. Dick thought back to a time from before he became Robin. Didn't Bruce say that Bane had practically snapped his back in half?

"Unless you want us to say Ozzie," Tim offered. Dick shivered.

"No… I guess it can be Bane," he said. "It's not like he's the one who broke Batman's back over his knee."

His brothers froze. Dick expected Mari to be a little horrified at this, especially since she was the one facing Bane in the story, but he was pleasantly surprised by her small giggle.

He was so, SO proud of her.

_Apparently, Bane is the wolf. When he saw Mari approach, he smirked to himself. _

"Can wolves- "

"Yes," Dick interrupted. Steph smirked slightly and huffed.

"_Hey there Little Red Riding Hood, _

_"Whatcha doin in the neighborhood?_

_"Say, doncha' know._

They were taken aback when Dick started singing. They were even more shocked when Barbara join in.

_"You're everythin a big, bad wolf, could want."_

The two fist-bumped and Dick continued the story as though that had never happened.

_Instead of singing an old song that I don't expect any of you guys to know, he walked up to her calmly. _

_"Hello, small child," he said. _

Dick called on his inner Batman for the Bane-wolf. This made Damian snicker.

_"Where ya off to by yourself in the woods?" he asked. Mari smiled at him and showed him her basket. _

_"I'm bringing a cake to my aunt," she said. "I'm also bringing her these flowers."_

_"Really?" Bane asked her. "Your aunt? Not your grandma or something?"_

_"Nope!" Mari chirped. She turned around and walked off. "Bye!"_

"Savage," Barbara laughed. Tim joined her.

"Just walk away from the wolf," he agreed.

"No regrets," Barbara said. They continued laughing for a moment, gesturing for Dick to continue.

_Naturally, Bane followed her. When Mari approached her aunt's house-_

"Which aunt is it?" Jake asked. Dick blinked a couple of times, then turned to Mari.

"I dunno. Who did you visit, Mari?" he asked. Mari held her hand up to her chin in thought.

"Hmm… aunt Barbara," she said. She smiled apologetically at Barbara, who waved off her unspoken concern with a friendly wave. Dick nodded approvingly.

"It's been a while since Babs has been in a story," he said offhandedly. Barbara glared at him.

"I'll allow it as long as you don't call me that," she said. Dick smiled at her.

"Deal."

_When she approached Barbara's house, Bane called out from the woods. _

_"Cowbell!" he shouted. Mari turned around, gasped, and ran off, hiding behind one of the bushes. _

"Cowbell?" Damian asked. Barbara shuddered.

"Almost as bad as glitter," she said. Now, Damian shivered. No one dared say anything about it further.

_Bane took this opportunity to sneak into the house and eat Barbara, but not before she got a few good hits in. _

_He quickly dressed up as her – _("Eww, I don't want that image in my head!"-Steph) – _and climbed stealthily into bed. _

_Not soon after, Mari knocked on the door. _

_"Come in!" Bane called. _

Everyone laughed at the falsetto that Dick put on for Bane.

_Mari came inside and set down the basket. _

_"Ugh, you would not believe what happened. Someone let off a false cowbell warning," she said. She reeled back in shock at seeing her "aunt" on the bed. _

_"Holy shipping containers, what happened?!" she exclaimed. _

Everyone (except Mari and Jake, who had no idea what was going on by this point) started laughing and whooping and cheering for Dick, who face-palmed, completely forgetting his family's' threat towards Bruce.

_Bane had a large cut across his muzzle, a tooth had been chipped, and his right eye was closed. _

_"Um… I got into a fight," he said. _

_Now, Mari was no idiot. She knew immediately that the wolf had eaten her aunt, because who else goes after the right eye? _

_"Um… Imma eatchu," Bane said. He launched at Mari, but she dodged just in time. Because she's my daughter, I'm just going to assume she's able to jump off the table and drop-kick Bane's nose. _

Everyone laughed, but Mari's face was a little red.

"I can't do that, dad," she said. Dick tutted her.

"Not yet, you can't," he said. Her face lit up.

"You're gonna teach me how to do that?!" she asked. Dick nodded.

"Yep. And Jake, if he's up for it."

"It could come in handy," he said nervously. Dick smiled at them both.

God, he was such a proud dad.

When his siblings finally calmed down, he continued the story.

_Now, because you guys were freaking out earlier, I have to put this in here. Mari put up a good fight but, much like her aunt, she was eaten. _

Now everyone's faces were that of horror, with the exclusion of Mari, who figure her dad was up to something. She felt something grip her arm and glanced down to see Jake's hand wrapped around her wrist. She smiled to herself a little bit.

_Kory and I would just so happen to be wandering by the house to hear the fight. With a peek inside, we would have seen it, and watched as Mari got eaten. _

_Cue the angry, overprotective parent thing, and you've got the end of the story. _

This made everyone laugh again.

_So, they went home, Barbara included, and they ate pancakes. _

"The End," Dick said. Mari nodded.

"Pancakes… because Bane ate us, right?" she asked. Dick nodded.

"Yep!" he said. Jake frowned at Mari questioningly.

"What does that have to do anything?" he asked. Mari shrugged.

"Pancakes cure cannibalism," she said matter-of-factly. Damian facepalmed.

"Grayson, why in the world did you label the 'pancakes'?" he demanded. Dick shrugged.

"I had pancakes on my mind," he said. He clapped his hands together loudly. "Alright, next story is The Gingerbread Boy."

* * *

Here's a true story.

As soon as I finished typing up the last chapter, I knew that I wanted Mari to be Little Red.

When I went in to read the actual story so I got all the details of the original, I found out that, not only was I right about the wolf eating the girl, but that at the end of the story, Little Red and her family sat down at the table and ate pancakes.

As we all remember, Mari had a keen interest in pancakes the last time she showed up in the story, so it was TOO perfect, especially since I already wanted her to be Little Red.

Jason: isn't 'Little Red' just a nickname though?

Dick: yeah.

Jason: so what's her real name?

I'll give you my thoughts... Pancakes.

Jason: I'm just gonna go with that.

Damian: you are an idiot.

Tim: it pains me to say this, but I agree with him.


	35. Expendable Note

Ok, so, this is an expendable, almost unimportant note, but something I feel the need to inform all of my readers about.

For some reason, my email has stopped working, something about the password not being accepted. This means that Microsoft Word, the writing program I typically use, is unresponsive as of now. Until the issue is resolved, I won't be uploading any new chapters to any of my stories.

I'm sorry about this inconvenience.

-Sweet

(8-27-20)

I have found a solution! I can bring up Word, but I can't edit and/or save any changes I make to a document, so what I have done is copy and pasted some documents to a different program. I can now work on and update stories.


	36. The Gingerhead Manchild

Dick: Sweet, you suck at uploading chapters.

That I do, Richard. That I do.

Dick: (evil hiss)

Jason: don't call him Richard, he hates that.

Alright, Peter.

Jason: (glares)

So... **Prisma19, if you haven't already, check your Private Messaging. And let me know if you want me to do it again, it's alright if you say no. OwO**

Tim: smooth.

So, what's everyone going to do about Halloween? I mean, we might not get Halloween this year, and it's still, like, two months away, but-

Damian: don't you mean only ONE month away?

Tim: we still have to get through September, don't we?

Damian: oh, yeah. Ok.

* * *

"Gingerbread Boy? Don't you mean Gingerbread MAN?" Jason asked. Dick shook his head.

"Nope." Jason looked thoroughly confused. Damian, who had been sitting there in thought for a while, suddenly went pale and his eyes widened.

"Wait… how many stories has Grayson told?" he asked. Everyone in the room froze. No one had really been keeping track, and there were multiple periods where Dick wasn't the one telling stories…

"Oh, shipping containers!" Tim swore, and Dick flinched. Mari and Jake looked a little confused before shrugging at each other, content not to ask. "We haven't been writing it down!"

"Might as well start now," Dick suggested. Barbara stood up and walked out of the room. A little bit later, she came back in with a pencil and a notepad and sat down, ready to write.

"Ok, so, I've told a story about an oatmeal pot, less than half of the dancing princesses, a frog stalking and blackmailing three princes…"

Barbara wrote down 'The Magic Oatmeal Pot', '12 Dancing Princesses', and 'The Frog Prince.'

"Snow White's sister…"

"She has a sister?" Mari asked. Jake shrugged.

"Apparently so," he said.

"Rumpelstiltskin…"

He got numerous glares at the mention of that one. It just made him smile.

"Sausages getting stuck to someone's nose…"

Jake looked a little horrified now. Mari patted him reassuringly on the back.

"I recited Chicken Licken from memory… I suppose that counts," Dick thought aloud. Barbara nodded and wrote it down. "A kid befriending a lion, three goats, one of which likes kicking crotches…"

The boys scoffed at this.

"A dog nearly drowning himself, a cat and a mouse with money issues, a kid climbing up a hill for two goats…"

"The goat stories were my favorite stories," Damian said. Steph nodded her head in agreement.

"A dog getting stranded on the moon, a stick beating someone up…"

"'Beat the shit out of him, stick!'" Jason, Tim, and Damian all exclaimed, bursting into laughter. Mari rolled her eyes and whispered something in Jake's ear. The boy nodded and she pulled away.

"Someone finding a treasure under a barn, the moon being trapped under a rock, Batman v Superman…"

"Someone should capitalize on that idea," Jason said. "It could make them a lot of money."

"It could also end up being a flop," Tim said. Jason shrugged.

"Or, it could be awesome. You never know."

Dick rolled his eyes and continued shifting through his memory for stories he had already told.

"A story that made up Beauty and the Beast and the story of Psyche from Greek mythology, a kid wrestling a broom, a different kid tying up a wolf, and just now, a story about a golden stove," Dick finally finished. He glanced at Barbara's notepad and waited patiently for her to finish writing. "What's the score?"

"Twenty-one," she said. Dick nodded. Jason whistled.

"Feels like a LOT more than just twenty-one," he said. Dick nodded.

"Well, taking into account the stories you guys have all told without me, and the number is up to…"

"About 34," Barbara said. Dick's jaw dropped open.

"You guys have narrated 13 stories without me?" he asked, a pout on his face and in his voice. Jason patted his back reassuringly.

"Yes," he said. Dick burst out laughing at this. When he calmed down, he gestured to the couch so that Jason could sit back down again.

"Alright, let's tell story number 22," Dick said.

_Once upon a time, there was an unnamed old woman making gingerbread cookies. Since she had a little leftover dough, she decided she would also make a little gingerbread man… boy… child… um…_

"Just stick with 'man'," Tim suggested. "It's what everyone is used to."

Dick nodded.

_Gingerbread man. That's what she created. When she pulled him out of the oven, he immediately sprang up and started running around in circles, screaming his head off. _

_"Owwwwwwww! Hot hot hot!" he exclaimed. _

Everyone laughed, though they had jumped when Dick started randomly screaming and complaining about how hot an oven is.

_The gingerbread man, who was named Wally, glared at the woman. _

_"What the heck, lady!? Don't you know that ovens are hot?!" he demanded. Her jaw dropped open in shock. In her moment of confusion, Wally jumped off the table and high-tailed it out of there. _

_She stared after him for a moment before finally coming to her senses. _

_"H-hey, wait! Come back!" she shouted, running off after him. _

_The unnamed woman's unnamed husband poked his head inside the kitchen to see what all the yelling was about. When he saw his wife chasing after a gingerbread man, he shook his head and decided 'why not?' before joining his wife in the chase. _

"You're kidding, right?" Cass asked. Dick's eyebrows scrunched together before he face-palmed.

"Get it out of your systems now," he groaned. Six voices rang out, in perfect unison:

"Farmer Bruce!"

Mari and Jake moved immediately to either sit on Dick's lap or lean against his legs in a silent show of support. Dick soaked it in before taking a deep breath to continue the story.

_"Run run, as fast as you can! You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man, suckers!" he shouted. _

Jason coughed into his fist, a smile visible on his face.

_Since they were old people, they got tired easily. Thankfully, they had a smart dog who decided to run after Wally when they couldn't keep going. He started barking, and the unnamed oldies kept running. So now there was an old lady, an old man, and a dog chasing after him. _

_If that wasn't bad enough, a cat joined in the chase, too. _

_Somehow, in some way, that stupid little cookie was faster than a cat AND a dog. He turned around and shouted. _

_"Run, run, don't give up yet! I'm not even breaking a sweat!"_

"Wait, he never said that," Steph said.

"He just did," Dick told her.

_For some unholy reason, a cow and a horse decided to join in the chase. _

"A cow and a horse?" Damian asked. Tim nodded.

"Yes, this is what we read to our children," he said. "Don't judge the world for growing up weak."

"I think I much prefer the stories I heard," Damian grumbled. Jason tsked at him.

"Any parent worth their gingerbread cookies would stray from reading their children stories about conquering cities and killing people," he said. Damian crossed his arms with a little glare on his face.

"Oh, so I suppose stories like Androcles and the Lion and Hansel and Gretel are uncommon stories?" he asked. Jason narrowed his eyes at Damian before giving an approving nod.

"You make an excellent point," he said. Dick cleared his throat, hoping to get them back on track before they strayed too far.

_"Run, run, isn't this fun? But this story still isn't done!"_

_As if things couldn't get any more ridiculous, a pig and a rooster started running after them, too. _

_Quick recap: there's an old woman, an old man, a dog, a cat, a cow, a horse, a pig, and a rooster chasing after some stupid little cookie. _

"Well, now this is just too much," Jake said. Dick shrugged.

"This is the original version of the story," he said.

_Wally just laughed at everyone who was behind him. He faced forward and skidded to a halt, staring at himself in the river. _

_"Well, that's just great," he grumbled. "How am I gonna cross the river?"_

_Suddenly, there was a fox beside him. _

Jason, Tim, Barbara, Cass, Steph, and Mari's mouths all dropped open in shock. Damian and Jake shared a confused glance, not quite sure why everyone was suddenly pale.

"No way," Jason said. Dick nodded.

"Way," he said. Tim shook his head.

"It's impossible," he breathed.

"Possible," Dick chirped. Barbara facepalmed.

"So much for my childhood," she groaned. Dick nodded appreciatively.

"R.I.P. everyone's childhoods," he said.

"What's going on?" Damian asked. Dick gave him an annoying smile.

"Another story for another day," he said.

_"I guess I could carry you across," he said. Wally smiled and nodded, climbing on the fox's back. _

_"What's your name?" he asked as the fox walked into the water. _

_"Roy," said the fox. "How about you?" _

_"Wally."_

_Roy started wading across the water. Wally started kicking his gingerbread feet, wondering how his limbs had not snapped off by now. His foot got splashed with water. _

_"Uh, dude, my feet are getting wet," he said. _

_"Easy fix," said Roy. "Hop on my head."_

"Here's an idea," Jake said. "DON'T do that."

Jason nodded, agreeing with him.

_Wally started kicking his feet again, wondering how he was alive._

"Wow, all the deep stuff, huh?" Jason asked. Dick nodded.

_Water started splashing on his knees. Wally, a little confused, knocked on Roy's head. _

_"Hey, my feet are still getting wet," he said. Roy frowned. _

"Don't- "Dick said, holding his hand up before Steph could open her mouth. She giggled and went silent.

"_That's weird," Roy said. "Try hopping on my nose."_

_"Wouldn't that get me CLOSER to the water…?" _

_"Get on my nose, you little shit."_

Jason burst out laughing and clapped his hands. Dick looked around the room nervously, trying to spot Alfred. He didn't want to have to give up 5 bucks.

Thankfully, the old man wasn't in the room. He let out a relieved breath.

_Wally huffed and climbed down onto Roy's nose. Roy, in one fell swoop, ate Wally. _

_"Hah, victory," he said. _

_Meanwhile, the various people and animals were watching. When Wally got eaten, they looked at each other, shrugged, and walked off to eat the cookies that the old woman had made earlier. _

"The End," Dick said. Barbara sighed.

"I will miss my innocence," she said. Tim frowned at her.

"I thought your innocence died years ago?" he asked. She nodded.

"It did, but that doesn't mean I can't miss it," she said. Dick snorted.

"Alright, then," he said. "The next story is Jack and the Beanstalk."

* * *

Dick: you know, it's usually the other way around.

Damian: what is?

Dick: it's typically "get OFF my nose, you little shit," not "get ON my nose."

Jason: you didn't say "little shit" the second time.

Dick: do you want me to?

Jason: I mean, I wouldn't complain.

I would. Guys, chill.


End file.
